The Devil's Anus

December thirteenth, two thousand eight.

Sitting on my bed with Barbara, both typing on our computers, mine white, hers black.

DEVIL'S ANUS

For some reason it is hard for me to want to go out and do things with people, especially if it is the first time hanging out with them. On Monday my home teacher Dallas Dean called and asked if Barbara and I were up for some mischief for Friday night. We said sure. I didn’t know if it was a date of some kind or what, but turns out it wasn’t, thankfully. We invited Jordan Huntington along, which was perfect. All day yesterday though, I was wanting to bail and not go, even though I didn’t know what we were doing. I just always think I won’t have fun. It’s so strange because I always do. I’m glad I didn’t bail, thanks to Barbara.

So we met up with Dallas Dean, Nelson Diamond, and their friend Danny Bride at 7. We drove for eternity to a small town south of provo, stopping at a gas station (Jordan bought a hotdog and a water bottle bigger than the state of Texas) and at his grandmother Camp’s house. She’s adorable and played “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas,” and “I’ll have a blue Christmas without you” on her super out of tune little guitar, a set list of every song she knows on 3x5’s taped to the top of it. We drank water from zodiac sign glasses while Nelson at old Shrek fruit snacks. When we left she said “Act your age, whatever that might be.”

We drove, Barbara in front going crazy (60 mph cruise control) with Jordan me nelson and danny in back, Jordan going crazy with discomfort and ADD. Mostly funny, cute. We drove for ever, then got to “the devil’s anus,” a mining shaft that goes down for eternity, and dropped flaming cartons with gasoline in them down, down, down, down. So mind blowing. I have never seen something go that far into the earth. It literally went until it disappeared, who knows if it has hit bottom, still. I enjoyed sitting on the cage/grate thing atop the never ending pit. It was incredible. This weird feeling of being on the edge of the world, the edge of life and death, the edge of the stable and unknown. As the gasoline filled containers fell, hundreds of drops of blue light fell above it, maybe small bits of gasoline on fire. It was beautiful. The light dropped down this vertical hallway, tunneling like a domino effect, revealing piece by piece this bizarre piece of land.

Driving home Danny was in shotgun with us 3 girls in back, all over Nelson. It was fun and funny and pretty comfortable. We heard funny stories, like Dallas’s physical exam by a woman doctor. Pretty funny. We thanked them for the adventure, then Barbara and I went to Jordan’s house to have a sLeEpOvEr!!?!?!! Yeah man. Second sleepover in one week. Last saturday we slept at Leah Wilson and Rachelle Ballards. Livin’ the parentless curfew free dream.

THE SLEEPOVER

Jordan had 3 friends here from BYU-I. Taryn, Southern Bell, and Carly. Southern Bell was from Alabama and has a real name. She was exactly what an Alabama girl would be like. She was pretty but freaked me out a little. Reminded me of the girl from the town “Spectra” in the movie Big Fish; weird brow bone or something. But she had a cool accent. I didn’t get to know her hardly. She was sleepy.

TRAVEL

I talked with Taryn for a while. She is my age, 19, and has traveled through Europe and South America already. I am envious of her life. More encouraged though. She backpacked through Europe for a few months, had nothing planned but the airport in Ireland she’d be arriving at and the hostel for that night. She just caught trains and moved in the direction she should be going towards. She just lived. LIVED. I’m so excited about it. She lived in South America for about a year, a couple of the months with a rastafarian group, had dreads, sold jewelry on the side of the road and all. Surprising, based on the look of her. She said when she moved to byu-i last year, it was the 28th time moving. If I could (and I can if I am willing to), I’d drop everything right now, work really hard for a semester and save thousands, then travel from... probably August ‘til spring. Maybe. Then save up money and get back into school.

The biggest thing keeping me from doing that is the Architecture program. I have to apply in spring, like March or so, for Fall semester, the beginning of a 4 year venture. If I travel until spring, I’d have to take the last prerequisite fall semester and apply the Next year. So I’d not start the program until fall of.. 2011, graduate 2015, instead of staring fall of 2009 and graduating 2013. But think, if I served a mission it’d be similar. Huh. jfawoilscmwoiefh. I really really want to do this. I would love it.
Things holding me back:

1. Living at home next semester is one thing, but Not going to school is another. That cuts off almost all sociality. I wouldn’t spend nearly as much time with Barbara and Patrick.

2. People say to graduate from school as fast as possible. But I don’t really want to. I love school. And once I’m out I’m out. Might as well slow down, I’ll never have this time of life to myself again. Michelle is getting married in 14 days. If I get married I’ll never have this opportunity again.

3. Money. Think, if I could save up a ton of money I’d be safe for school rather than going in debt. I might already have to apply for a student loan for spring semester, unless I don’t do school. I don’t want debt. If I have any kind of debt though, it will be school debt, not car or home debt. that is just uncalled for. Dad doesn’t have money, but he made enough last year that I won’t qualify for any kind of government funding. Frustrating. I wish I could just get a 4.0. I am so disappointed in myself. If I didn’t get a bad grade in History I wouldn’t have to worry. It is so weird to me that I can’t get better grades. Why am I not pushing myself harder? I know I can. I know I can do better, I don’t feel challenged in school until I study for test or do final projects. Blah. Too stressful to think about. I do it later. Think, that is.

BACK TO THE SLEEPOVER

Anyways. Last night was great. We fell asleep around 3 I think. I asked Jordan to tell me a story to fall asleep to. It might have been about a duck; I fell asleep quickly. I kind of had a headache because of the smell of gasoline stuck in my hand or nose or brain. I wrote a poem while lying on the bed, before we were going to bed. It went something like this:

Jordan puts on a pink robe,
her friend looking like Tweedledee,
maybe Tweedledum.
Barbara makes impulsive decisions,
I panic, but keep breathing anyways.

The end. Barbara got her hair cut. It’s really cute. I like it a lot.
Speaking of hair, I can’t figure out what mine wants right now. It needs to be more lax than it is now, but I can’t figure it out. Oh well. It’ll happen. Now I must go shower. I am a piece of earwax.