Emo

One of my best friends cuts me down more than anyone in this world. I often leave them feeling like a piece of crap. Amazing isn't it? How at 2:30 I can be having a grand time, feeling included and loved, accepted and important, then by 7:00 I want to move to New York and never see anyone I love ever again. I want to climb in a box with a million books and a reading light and some water bottles and never have to do anything for the rest of my life. I want to live through characters in books and never have to think for myself. When I do I get destroyed. I have no idea what I'm ever ever ever talking about and should never open my mouth again. "Silence is knowledge and knowledge is power." Why do I try caring about anything or anyone? It never works. I wish I was thirty and flirty and thriving. I wish my list of friends was longer than my list of things I hate about myself. What the hell. I hate everyone. I hate myself. I hate that I'm emo. But I'm not. If I were emo, this would be normal. But I'm not emo, so this is not normal. There is only one person in this world that could make me feel better but at the moment I feel like never ever ever seeing or speaking to this person again. Why is that? I wish I could trade places with someone I know. She's perfect. Completely perfect. Ugh. Emo emo emo. It feels so good to be emo.

(11.11.7)