My thoughts on this Lazy Saturday.

In general I am not very attracted to the human face. When I am, I'm very attracted to it. Ears look funny. There is too much cheek. Chins are usually ugly. Eyes have to be perfect to be good. Eyebrows are weird. Noses are very strange. Everyone just looks exactly the same. We all have the exact same faces. But then little bumps or notches or colors or sizes change us and no one looks the same except for the unfortunate identical twins. Humans look scary. Our eyes are scary. Our smiles can be scary. If someone from another world saw us, they'd be so weirded out.

I hide behind my glasses. When I take them off I feel uncomfortable, self-conscious, exposed. I can feel very confident with a given person or in a given place, but but me there again with my contacts in and it's like I'm standing naked in the middle of a plaza. I hide emotions and feelings in my eyes and my glasses keep prying eyes out. I don't like looking in the mirror with my glasses off. I have too much skin. Too much face for too little of eyes and eyebrows and lips. I have worn my glasses every single day for almost a year and a half except for lacrosse practice. I started out the new school year saying I'll wear my glasses for 2 days then not wear them for a couple then wear them then don't, etc. but I always end up wearing them. Besides, contacts hurt my eyes. I wish I didn't use my glasses as a shield.

I bought 2 anti-plastic bracelets yesterday. Along with a pair of plastic earrings. I don't have a car, I turn lights off after myself, I recyle some, and I think about being green often. I am not a green crusader but I want to be more considerate of the world. Starting now. I also read something yesterday that says becoming a vegetarian does more for the earth than buying a hybrid car. Interesting. I'm excited that as an architect I might be able to contribute to the green cause as I think up and design green buildings.

I get texts from friends often that say "What are you doing? I am extremely bored. To the max." and I usually make up an excuse so I don't have to play with them. I would agree to playing if they would say, "Hey do you want to go down to the Gateway with me in 30 minutes?" or "Let's go sledding." or "Come watch this movie with us." But I don't like not having a plan because it often ends up being lame. Also, I am very grateful that I love to read and learn and do things for myself like that because on Friday nights when I have nothing to do, I'd almost rather be reading in my room than just sitting in a room down the hall doing nothing. I Rarely send out I'm Bored texts because I never am. There is always something for me to be doing, always a list 40 books long to read, articles to look up, ideas to research, sketches to work on, bands to find, organizing to do. I don't have to depend on anyone else to keep me occupied or entertained. I was over on 21st South buying art supplies the other day and one Bored-texter texted me and thought it so strange that I was all by myself so far away. Then I happened to be there again a few days later, alone, and he happened to text me again and found it just as strange the second time. And yesterday I got texted while at the Gateway by myself. I just don't mind being by myself, at all.

I have thought of going to UCBerkley but everyone that has been there tells me they are insane. They say the Berklites overcompensate for whatever they feel they are missing. They are just too Liberal. Erica said, "Here's the University of Utah(point one). On the opposite side of the liberal spectrum (point two) is Berkley. No wait. This (point one) is BYU. But the University of Utah is very close to BYU when compared to Berkely." Sure I am okay with liberals, but Jackie says they actually camped out in trees there. It'd be interesting, but maybe too crazy for me. Who knows. Plus it's expensive. We'll see.

I am slowly being taken advantage of, one hair at a time. It started with small things. I don't even remember what, but small. Just asking favors and borrowing scissors or what not (which have yet to be returned). Or, Jessie, will you get my razor from the cupboard and hand it to me? Sure. That's cake. If it's not that hard I'll do what they ask. But I think they are catching on that I'll do almost anything they ask and be okay with almost anything they do. Hey Jessie, crawl under my bed and get my laundry detergent. Sure that's easy. Kinda weird, but fine. Oh I used your computer to listen to music, is that okay? Sure, as long as you don't pay attention to the great music I have and try to adopt it into your crappy music selection. Last night one of Kylie's friend slept in Chelsea's bed because she's in Vegas. That was fine, it's not my bed. Then one took one of my blankets. I think Kylie has two, but whatever, that's fine. I still have 2 more. See none of these things matter at all. If they were kicking me out of my bed or turning me into the dorm cinderella I'd protest. I'm just worried that they are starting to realize the power they have over me and I'm afraid.

I locked myself out today when I went to make easy mac alfredo style in the lounge. Kristen was in her room, but she's been sick so she was sleeping and I did not want to wake her. So I went in Jackie and Erika's room for 30 minutes or so. Then I decided to wake Kristen. I left the straightener on and didn't want it to burn the dorm down. I felt bad.

The Cheveron on 21st South has the best Hot Chocolate station in the world. Jackie, Erika, Quincey and I went last night after seeing Dan In Real Life at the Dollar Theater (It's actually $1.75 so it Should be called the Dollar Seventy Five Theater, but whatever). Their regular old Milk Chocolate hot chocolate is great, then there's a coffee creamer machine where you push the button for hazelnut or vanilla cream and powder comes shooting out. And! They have canisters of minimarshmallows! All this for only $1.19!

I like college.