Frustrations

I want to go sleep on that really, really comfortable black couch so bad, but I am afraid of drooling, sleep talking, sleeping with my eyes part open, or something else weird. Oh no. Someone just layed down on it. I'll get the courage to go steal it as soon as he gets up.

I figured out last night that I came into my freshman year with 31 credits. That's a lot I think. Maybe not, but that's practically one year of school already done. But not really, it just feels good to say that.

I want to Study Abroad in Italy next fall. I'm so serious about it that from now on I'm saying Next Fall I am studying abroad in Italy. Then it's more convincing. Because everyone wants to study abroad, but who actually does? Me.

I feel like I have so much to say about so many things, but I can't figure out any of it. It's all just a jumbled mess in my mind. I can't even list topics of thought. It's so frustrating. This is why I wish I took a speech class. I still could..

That's the problem with already wanting to do Architecture- I already have the next 6 years of school so packed. It's like registering for 7th grade when you get the little table and you see that you only get to choose like 2 electives, but by your senior year you get to choose everything but English. I can barely choose one elective a year, let alone a semester. There are so many classes I want to take. I already applied and have been accepted to Salt Lake Community College and will be taking drafting classes this summer, but last night I decided I want to do summer semester here at the U at the same time. I am already going to be in school for 6 years, plus a 3 year internship, and that's with just Architecture. If I wanted to take more classes, like speech or debate or philosophy or writing or drawing, I'll need a couple extra semesters. So I should still plan on graduating in 6 years, but throw in a few summer semesters. So when 6 years is usually 12 semesters, for me it will be more like 15 or 16 semesters.

I need more money. I have a scholarship, but I need more. Not for me, I can live for the next 6 years without buying much clothing or 'stuff,' but I need money for school. If I do well enough I should be able to find someone to help me with schooling. I need to search for applications everywhere. Then I can collect a bunch of scholarships and not have to pay. And my parents wouldn't have to pay either. Please send all donations to Jessica Gilmore 611 Heritage Center SLC UT 84112-2009. Thanks.

I wish I had done better in Biology and Calculus my junior year. Those were my lowest grades. They brought my GPA down. I could have done better. I could have come out of High School with a 4.0. Why was I so lazy?!? I should have studied for the ACT and done better. I should have taken the SAT. I should have tried harder. Just because all my siblings went to BYU or USU or BYUI or BYUH, why in the world shouldn't I be at Princeton or Harvard or Yale or Stanford? Dang it. I'm a failure. I'm mad at myself right now. I need to stop.

I want to work and earn money to help me with college, but I want to get the best grades I possibly can. I want to play lacrosse more than anything, but I want to get the best grades I possibly can. I'm pretty positive I still won't get a job, but I don't think I'll be giving up lacrosse quite yet. I know I'd regret it. And I love it. But what if my grades suffer? Even lacrosse isn't worth losing my scholarship. DANG IT!!!

The couch is free. I'm out.

Love Jessica Gilmore