My neck is stiff. My hips are sore from working out with little Ty. My throat goes sore if I don't drink water every couple of moments. "Are you feeling healthy and well today?" Only if sleep works miracles.
nothing, nothing, nothing, then BAM. Multiple somethings. Please, for my own convenience, would you all meet up and talk out your plans of attack so I'm not put into the spotlight. But it is all put in perspective by Alexis. Thanks Marie.
Twenty six connected squares of Js, 18 connected squares of Bs. Jessie wins.
I scared my lovers. They thought I was dead. She said, you're the kind of person who would climb into a stranger's car and never come back. I felt terrible for being irresponsible. Eerie sponsible people are dumb.
Recent dreams and how I felt in them:
Witnessed a shooting; important.
I woke up and got ready for physics when I really didn't and was late; annoyed.
Walked around in high heels; proud.
Brother/mother Brian was 19 again; curious.
Brother Jared died for the second time in my dreams; sad.
Bought a new pair of white shoes; excited.
Ryan made lucid dreaming sound undesirable, but I still want to do it. Note to self: check out some sort of How To Lucid Dream book at library.
Goodnight Moon and Chelsea.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Net Charge (2.7.8)
Way too many vectors trying to add up to zero. Accidentally gave one too much space and now I have to go through the awkward thing of cutting it back again. Outside sources say I'm giving this too much thought, but only I know what kind of a person I am. Frustrated. Why love the alone time? Independence really throws things off sometimes.
Beatles, Beer, and Buyings. (2.2.8)
I went to a Beatles party last night. There was a plethora of Beatles paraphernalia at this house. It was amazing how many books and records and movies and posters he had. He, Austin, is a friend of Ryan Darton, a friend in my ward. There were a lot of people there, and a lot of them were wearing Beatles shirts or suits. It was the best Beatles party I've seen. There was also a lot of beer and smoking. Had I been brought to that party six months ago, I would have been uncomfortable. I wouldn't have been used to the beer and the kids going out for smokes and the smell of incense and all the swearing. Now, because I've lived with roommates and floor friends for 5 months who drink and party and swear like there's no tomorrow, I'm very used to it. It surprises me how used to it I feel. And the best part about it is that it still isn't desirable to me. I don't care to smoke or drink. I was talking with a friend named Tyler today at breakfast at the HC and he was saying that I don't not drink just because I'm Mormon, I don't drink because I choose not to. And this is very true. Chelsea is Mormon but chooses to drink. I just don't because I don't like not having control over my body. I don't like having something running through my blood that shouldn't be there. I don't not drink because I think I'll go to hell if I do, and I don't think people who do drink are going to hell, I just don't drink. But when I'm asked and I say I don't drink, it's almost always followed by Oh are you Mormon? Lot's of Mormons drink, but lots of people who don't drink happen to be Mormon, so the high correlation between not drinking and being assumed Mormon is just inevitable. The party was very fun though. I loved it. A guy who lived upstairs brought his guitar and amp down and played Beatles music for us. I was on the couch for hours just lying back enjoying the relaxed life. My weeks was so busy and stressful that it felt so good to just have a chill night while learning interesting facts about the Beatles and watching The Yellow Submarine.
Last week in Provo at my sister's apartment we sat for 10 minutes watching incense smoke. It's amazing. It looks like some material, maybe silk, in a gaseous state. I bought incense today and burned a half a stick. It's so fun to watch. I turned on some good music and just stared. So cool. Already someone asked if someone was smoking weed. I went down the hall and was sitting in Mark and Tyler's room and Jackie and Erica came down and asked that. I laughed. Chelsea doesn't like incense. When I came back to my room it still smelled very strong even though I put it out a while ago. I opened the window to air it out. I don't mind it. I like it, actually. It relaxes me, I think. It might give me a headache, but I don't know yet. So hopefully Chelsea won't hate it (she's in Ogden this weekend) when she get's back and we'll be able to just burn some a tiny bit at a time.
I spent exactly 60 dollars at D.I. today. I bought:
A pair of shoes, 4 dollars
A pair of dress ish shoes, 4 dollars
A brown skirt, 5 dollars
A pink and brown skirt, 5 dollars
A brown sweater, 5 dollars
A pink sweater, 5 dollars
A white and colorful sweater, 4 dollars
A striped sweater, 5 dollars
A blue coat, 8 dollars
A yellow coat, 15 dollars
I spent 42 ish dollars at Smith's today. I bought:
A shot glass for my roommate, 3.39 It reads, "Eat drink and be merry, tomorrow you may be in Utah. She's from New York. She loves it and is already using it.
Some Nylons. Grandma style, I know. 5 dollars
Bite size Rice Cakes, 1.99
A box of Fruity Pebbles, her favorite cereal, for Chelsea, 2.28
3 Headbands to keep my hair back when running, 9 dollars
3 pairs of gloves, 1.47 a piece
1 bag of Cadbury Eggs, 2 dollars
3 packs of Incense, 3 dollars
An incense burner, 1.49
The first ring I've ever bought for more than 25 cents, 12.50
I wish I had the gift of tongues. I want to speak every language. This was my thought when helping a German couple get somewhere today. He spoke a little bit of English, but she hardly did. I just wish I could have started speaking in German fluently. Across from me in my drawing class is 3 boys, all returned missionaries. One speaks Spanish, one speaks Russian, and one speaks a plethora of languages from the Philippians. I think it's so cool. If missions do nothing else, at least they teach some boys to speak fluently in a foreign language in 2 years.
Buenas noches
Last week in Provo at my sister's apartment we sat for 10 minutes watching incense smoke. It's amazing. It looks like some material, maybe silk, in a gaseous state. I bought incense today and burned a half a stick. It's so fun to watch. I turned on some good music and just stared. So cool. Already someone asked if someone was smoking weed. I went down the hall and was sitting in Mark and Tyler's room and Jackie and Erica came down and asked that. I laughed. Chelsea doesn't like incense. When I came back to my room it still smelled very strong even though I put it out a while ago. I opened the window to air it out. I don't mind it. I like it, actually. It relaxes me, I think. It might give me a headache, but I don't know yet. So hopefully Chelsea won't hate it (she's in Ogden this weekend) when she get's back and we'll be able to just burn some a tiny bit at a time.
I spent exactly 60 dollars at D.I. today. I bought:
A pair of shoes, 4 dollars
A pair of dress ish shoes, 4 dollars
A brown skirt, 5 dollars
A pink and brown skirt, 5 dollars
A brown sweater, 5 dollars
A pink sweater, 5 dollars
A white and colorful sweater, 4 dollars
A striped sweater, 5 dollars
A blue coat, 8 dollars
A yellow coat, 15 dollars
I spent 42 ish dollars at Smith's today. I bought:
A shot glass for my roommate, 3.39 It reads, "Eat drink and be merry, tomorrow you may be in Utah. She's from New York. She loves it and is already using it.
Some Nylons. Grandma style, I know. 5 dollars
Bite size Rice Cakes, 1.99
A box of Fruity Pebbles, her favorite cereal, for Chelsea, 2.28
3 Headbands to keep my hair back when running, 9 dollars
3 pairs of gloves, 1.47 a piece
1 bag of Cadbury Eggs, 2 dollars
3 packs of Incense, 3 dollars
An incense burner, 1.49
The first ring I've ever bought for more than 25 cents, 12.50
I wish I had the gift of tongues. I want to speak every language. This was my thought when helping a German couple get somewhere today. He spoke a little bit of English, but she hardly did. I just wish I could have started speaking in German fluently. Across from me in my drawing class is 3 boys, all returned missionaries. One speaks Spanish, one speaks Russian, and one speaks a plethora of languages from the Philippians. I think it's so cool. If missions do nothing else, at least they teach some boys to speak fluently in a foreign language in 2 years.
Buenas noches
Lists of 10 (1.30.8)
10 things that angered me
1. My left pant leg keeps slipping under my shoe getting wet from the snow but my right one does not.
2. I feel like I'm going deaf; everyone in physics is whispering?!? Especially my teacher! And the lights are off!?!
3. My book, The Secret Life of Bees, ended happily when I thought it would end not so happy.
4. My brand new blue pen is somewhat inconsistent in its ink distribution.
5. Abercrombie and Fitch's advertising pictures. I thought they were advertising clothing, not the lack thereof.
6. Text from google saying "System is temporarily down. Please try again later."
7. "Oh, we borrowed your pink blanket. Is that alright?" "Oh, I took the back to that earring until tomorrow when I go home."
8. "Fat Free Neon Worms" failed miserably: Kristen's worms are 5 times better, mine hurt my tongue.
9. Waking up at 1:47 PM.
10. Purse shopping for the first time in my life.
10 things that pleased me
1. Boy trying to inconspicuously hold up his pant legs while walking.
2. Alando being so happy about my sweatshirt.
3. The man with the small small child strapped to his front walking on President's Circle.
4. We're saving the world by keeping the lights off in Physics.
5. Rob got 4 strikes in a row! And he beat everyone! Even Hector by one point!
6. The blind man and woman walking up 21st South together with their red and white poles bouncing everywhere. Just looking out for each other. Well, sort of.
7. "Smile Given By: Allie H." on Hot Dog on a Stick receipt.
8. Seven men in uniform watching one crank the car onto the tow-truck. I think policemen like being in on the action as much as we like slowing down to watch it.
9. Kristen the considerate sick Ninja
10. "Jessie and Alexis- Friendship log- 2 hours"
1. My left pant leg keeps slipping under my shoe getting wet from the snow but my right one does not.
2. I feel like I'm going deaf; everyone in physics is whispering?!? Especially my teacher! And the lights are off!?!
3. My book, The Secret Life of Bees, ended happily when I thought it would end not so happy.
4. My brand new blue pen is somewhat inconsistent in its ink distribution.
5. Abercrombie and Fitch's advertising pictures. I thought they were advertising clothing, not the lack thereof.
6. Text from google saying "System is temporarily down. Please try again later."
7. "Oh, we borrowed your pink blanket. Is that alright?" "Oh, I took the back to that earring until tomorrow when I go home."
8. "Fat Free Neon Worms" failed miserably: Kristen's worms are 5 times better, mine hurt my tongue.
9. Waking up at 1:47 PM.
10. Purse shopping for the first time in my life.
10 things that pleased me
1. Boy trying to inconspicuously hold up his pant legs while walking.
2. Alando being so happy about my sweatshirt.
3. The man with the small small child strapped to his front walking on President's Circle.
4. We're saving the world by keeping the lights off in Physics.
5. Rob got 4 strikes in a row! And he beat everyone! Even Hector by one point!
6. The blind man and woman walking up 21st South together with their red and white poles bouncing everywhere. Just looking out for each other. Well, sort of.
7. "Smile Given By: Allie H." on Hot Dog on a Stick receipt.
8. Seven men in uniform watching one crank the car onto the tow-truck. I think policemen like being in on the action as much as we like slowing down to watch it.
9. Kristen the considerate sick Ninja
10. "Jessie and Alexis- Friendship log- 2 hours"
Just random things on 1.20.8
Funny line from the Iliad = "Then each man looked about him for a way to escape the sheer death." Hahah. Homer is funny.
Luckily I am not very set on making Andy be attracted to me. He tells me "You would be so hot if you were to grow you hair out and not wear your glasses." Thanks friend.
10 hours ago I made a list of 9 things to do today and have done none of them.
"My hot chocolate gave me heartburn. What am I? Fifty years old?" –Quincey Cummings. It made me laugh.
I don't like simply holding the delete button to delete quickly, so instead I tap it with my pointer finger then index finger back and forth really fast. It's very fun.
They glued in the buttons of the dorm rooms so the doors will always be locked. We used to be able to unlock them. People have found that if you just jiggle the knob a lot it sometimes will pop out for you and you can have the choice again. But mine won't unpop. It's annoying. And I think people have been complaining about this because a couple days ago we got an email saying some guy was seen my building at 3 in the morning turning the knobs and pushing against the doors, trying to get in. I think it's a lie. I think they are trying to scare us into being grateful for the glued buttons and into keeping our doors locked always.
Luckily I am not very set on making Andy be attracted to me. He tells me "You would be so hot if you were to grow you hair out and not wear your glasses." Thanks friend.
10 hours ago I made a list of 9 things to do today and have done none of them.
"My hot chocolate gave me heartburn. What am I? Fifty years old?" –Quincey Cummings. It made me laugh.
I don't like simply holding the delete button to delete quickly, so instead I tap it with my pointer finger then index finger back and forth really fast. It's very fun.
They glued in the buttons of the dorm rooms so the doors will always be locked. We used to be able to unlock them. People have found that if you just jiggle the knob a lot it sometimes will pop out for you and you can have the choice again. But mine won't unpop. It's annoying. And I think people have been complaining about this because a couple days ago we got an email saying some guy was seen my building at 3 in the morning turning the knobs and pushing against the doors, trying to get in. I think it's a lie. I think they are trying to scare us into being grateful for the glued buttons and into keeping our doors locked always.
Just another myspace survey. (1.20.8)
1. Who was the last person you hung out one-on-one with?
I'd have to say Eric, the boy I met in my ward today because we sat at the "Mingle" for about 30 minutes talking then he gave me a ride home. That counts.
2. Do you think you're approachable?
Apparently, yes. Odd men often talk to me on Trax or anywhere I go. People ask me for directions over other people around me. I remember a moment of my past when I was walking down my hallway towards the living room where my sister was sitting on the couch and she looked at me and asked "What's wrong?" and I said "Nothing" because nothing was wrong, I was just walking, thinking of nothing as young children do and she said "Oh, you just look sad when nothing is wrong." I've noticed that a lot of people on campus and in slc in general look sad when nothing is wrong. They keep their eyes focused on something in front of them and let their mouths droop down or hold their lips stern. But since the time my sister said I looked sad, I usually purposely have a hidden smile of my face. Not a regular old smile, but one that is under my skin that shows that I am happy. Happy is the opposite of sad, so unless I am sad, I like to look happy, even if I am concerned or stressed or tired or bored or other negative looking emotions because those aren't the opposite of happy. Only opposite things can't exist simultaneously, like light and dark or God and Satan. Plus, many studies have been done that show that while being happy can make you smile, smiling also makes you feel happier. So maybe that's why I'm a pretty happy person- I've been smiling under my skin for over a decade. And I suppose that also makes me approachable.
3. How do you feel about the person you kissed last?
"I have a crush on every boy." –Team Girl Squad, The Ugly One
4. Regret doing anything in the past week?
Yes. 4 things.
5. Last awkward moment?
Friday.
6. Name 3 things everyone knows about you?
Wow. Everyone? That's really hard. Because if you think about it, so many people know me. People I see on campus but have never talked to, people who wander upon my myspace, people who have seen me crossing a street downtown. Lots of people know me. I'm probably safe with 1. I am a girl. But I can't think of anything else. I was going to say 2. I have brown hair. But I don't know if everyone who has ever seen me has seen my brown hair. I was also going to say 3. I speak English, but based off of appearance you can't always make that assumption. What a lousy question.
7. When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?
I'm not sure a friend has ever just walked out of my life. I guess I can think of one single person who has walked out of my life, and I let them go. But then we became okay friends again later. But usually I go after them to keep things not awkward.
8. What do you do when a telemarketer calls?
At home we had the handy "You have reached a number that does not accept solicitation. If you are a solicitor, please something something something." So we didn't get those calls. But when I get a call from a number I don't know on my cell phone I don't answer. Telemarketers don't leave messages.
9. Would you go a month without washing your hair for 5,000 dollars?
Oh yes. But I would also wear a sign saying "I'm getting paid 5 grand for not washing my hair for one month." as soon as it started looking disgusting. I think about what people think of me all the time, even though I pretend not to.
10. Would you cry if you found out you were pregnant?
Seeing that I am unmarried, 18, in college, and broke, yes. If I was married, 30, and expecting it, no.
11. Have you been pressured to do anything recently?
Well duh. 1. Go tanning- something I don't do. 2. Go to a movie on Sunday- something I don't do. 3. Drink- something I don't do. 4. Watch R movies- something I don't do, but have. 5. Stay up late when I have early class or church the next day. 6. Change my appearance. The list goes on. But it's fine, I don't mind being pressured.
12. Who are you voting for in 2008?
I have not decided yet.
13. How many kids do you want? Boys/Girls? Names?
Many. Kids with 7 siblings come out of it either hating big families or loving them. My 7 siblings are my best friends, so I want a big family- anywhere from 7 up. If I have less that's okay I suppose, but I could even have 11 or 12. Lots of boys and lots of girls. I don't mind how many of each. A family of all boys would be fun and funny, but a family of all girls would be harder. But really, any amount of either works great. But who knows, right? I like a few names, like Jude or Judy, Conrad, and Sam, but I don't really know. They've got to be good names though. Good names = good kids.
14. What is in your purse?
I don't have a purse, actually. I have been using my roommate's purse. In it is my case less camera (I need to buy a case to protect the screen. It's on my To Do list), a trax schedule, the my dorm key on a lacrosse key chain, my pink notebook, a black pen, my wienerschnitzel wallet, a black pair of gloves, a Guatemalan change purse, an empty water bottle, a sketch book, chapstick, and a book. It's a very big purse. I'm going to go buy one similar to it because it's nice to be able to carry around everything I own in it. But it costs 72 dollars. That's why I don't like being a girl who is supposed to be a woman.
15. What outfit do you have on at this exact moment?
A blue skirt with blue flowers and ribbon on it, green and white striped underwear, a white camisole, a white shirt, a grey quarter length zip up jacket/shirt, and blue loop beaded earrings.
16. what color are your eyes?
Hazel, but pretty green, which I am so happy about. They used to be browner and I've always wanted green.
17. How can you tell if it is love or lust?
Lust is selfish. Love is not.
18. Do you have your tonsils and wisdom teeth?
Yes sir. My mother had her wisdom teeth until she was almost 50. I want to keep mine forever. They are growing in but I'm not going to tell my dentist because I don't want him to take them while I'm not looking. Plus, the milk we drink these days makes it so we can't fit all our teeth in. If we drank raw milk- not pasteurized and processed and such- we could keep all our teeth. My family drinks raw milk. We have a cow in my brother's room. And I'm going to have my family drink raw milk when I grow up so that we can all keep our wisdom teeth.
19. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
The side closest to the wall, otherwise I might fall 6 feet.
20. Do you like your significant other to be aggressive or passive?
Both.
21. Would you rather go camping or to a 5 star hotel?
Either. I love love love camping but I also love hotels.
22. When did you last cry?
At Applebee's on Friday night. Trent and I were having a staring contest. I won.
And the time before that was at the Union while laughing to tears with Alexis, a newfound friend. She brings out the funniest in me. But real crying? If I remember correctly, December 28th.
23. Do you have any siblings?
Only 7. Plus 2 brothers-in-law, which I count, as well as a girlfriend-in-not-law.
24. Have you kissed anyone in your top friends?
You can't see my top friends, but no.
25. What's your worst habit?
Interrupting people- thinking I know what they are going to say it so I finish it for them. I have to admit, I'm often right, and they say "Yeah exactly!" or what not, but it is really really really annoying and inconsiderate and rude.
26. The status of you and the last person you texted is..?
We are friends.
27. Do you want to be in a relationship right now?
Not enough to seek after one, but if one that was 100 percent awesome fell upon me, I wouldn't run away. (but I reserve the right to change my mind even if a good one does fall upon me. I tend to do that)
28. Can you tear a phonebook in half?
A page at a time, yes. Or if it was on top of someone I was trying to save or something. You know, like when someone can lift a car when it's smashing their child because of the crazy things our bodies can do? Like that.
29. Do you like your current relationship status?
Surely.
30. Do you still talk to the last person you dated?
Yes.
31. How many people did you kiss this winter?
Lame. I'm bored of these kissy relationship type questions. I refuse to answer.
32. If you could own a non-traditional pet what would it be?
A snake, if that's considered non-traditional. That's pretty traditional for my family though.
33. Are you okay with ex's being friends with their ex's?
As in a boy I've dated in my past being friends with a girl he has dated in the past? Yes. I have no say over that type of thing when it comes to ex's. I get jealous, but I am also the biggest hypocrite possible on this subject, so I can't be not okay with it.
34. Would you rather feel pain or be numb?
I've never felt pain when I could have the option of being numb, so I don't know. But I don't like being numb at all.
35. Do you find it easier to forgive or forget?
I swear forgetting only honestly happens when forgiveness comes first. So I'd have to say forgive.
36. Do you like competition?
Yep. Except when I lose at something that I could have won. If there wasn't a chance, it's all just fun and games, but if I could have been best at something, I get really competitive.
37. Would you ever stay with someone just because you didn't want to break their heart?
It's happened, but after about a week of being dishonest with myself I decided to be honest with them. My happiness is much more important than anyone else's. Sorry.
38. Have you ever taken anyone/anything for granted?
My best friends growing up had 3 wheelers that I loved to ride. But I love them just as much, so I didn't feel terrible.
Ha. I thought that question said take advantage of anyone. I'm not changing my answer.
39. Do you hate being alone?
Ha. No sir. I love it. I could keep myself entertained by myself for the rest of my life. Not that I want to, necessarily, but I could. And I do very often.
40. Has anyone ever broken your heart?
Hah. Well, in a way. I didn't cry over the time I thought someone had broken my heart. I didn't know then how broken a heart could be. But in ways, yes.
41. Do you still love them with all the little pieces?
This question does not deserve to be answered.
42. Would you cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend if Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie showed up?
As desirable as Angelina is, no.
43. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
Lava Hot Springs on New Years Eve with the familia. That's not really a pool though. Hot tub with my family on Thanksgiving? Hm. A real pool.. probably during the summer at my best friend's cousin's house.
44. Where was the last place you went shopping?
The D.I.
45. How do you feel about your hair?
Do I really want to explain on this one? The answer could go for ages. In brief though, I feel like it is expressive and interesting but I use it as a defense mechanism at the same time.
46. How do you feel about dating co-workers?
I did once. And have had crushes on others. But I'd advice against it unless it works out great.
48. Can women and men be "just friends"?
I'm disappointed in the lame dating questions. But yes, of course, idiots.
49. Last restaurant you went to?
Chili's with my roommates last night. It was so good. I got an amazing chicken salad that I will probably get again next time I go there which will probably be sooner than later now that I know if it's goodness. Then we shared these amazing warm cakes with ice cream on top. Really, it was one of the best meals I've had all for a while.
50. Do you miss anyone right now?
Yes, many people. What a dumb question to end on. I'll add another.
51. If there were two pens on your desk of the exact same brand and appearance, but one was blue and one was black, which would you pick up?
Black. I've had too many lousy blue pens.
I'd have to say Eric, the boy I met in my ward today because we sat at the "Mingle" for about 30 minutes talking then he gave me a ride home. That counts.
2. Do you think you're approachable?
Apparently, yes. Odd men often talk to me on Trax or anywhere I go. People ask me for directions over other people around me. I remember a moment of my past when I was walking down my hallway towards the living room where my sister was sitting on the couch and she looked at me and asked "What's wrong?" and I said "Nothing" because nothing was wrong, I was just walking, thinking of nothing as young children do and she said "Oh, you just look sad when nothing is wrong." I've noticed that a lot of people on campus and in slc in general look sad when nothing is wrong. They keep their eyes focused on something in front of them and let their mouths droop down or hold their lips stern. But since the time my sister said I looked sad, I usually purposely have a hidden smile of my face. Not a regular old smile, but one that is under my skin that shows that I am happy. Happy is the opposite of sad, so unless I am sad, I like to look happy, even if I am concerned or stressed or tired or bored or other negative looking emotions because those aren't the opposite of happy. Only opposite things can't exist simultaneously, like light and dark or God and Satan. Plus, many studies have been done that show that while being happy can make you smile, smiling also makes you feel happier. So maybe that's why I'm a pretty happy person- I've been smiling under my skin for over a decade. And I suppose that also makes me approachable.
3. How do you feel about the person you kissed last?
"I have a crush on every boy." –Team Girl Squad, The Ugly One
4. Regret doing anything in the past week?
Yes. 4 things.
5. Last awkward moment?
Friday.
6. Name 3 things everyone knows about you?
Wow. Everyone? That's really hard. Because if you think about it, so many people know me. People I see on campus but have never talked to, people who wander upon my myspace, people who have seen me crossing a street downtown. Lots of people know me. I'm probably safe with 1. I am a girl. But I can't think of anything else. I was going to say 2. I have brown hair. But I don't know if everyone who has ever seen me has seen my brown hair. I was also going to say 3. I speak English, but based off of appearance you can't always make that assumption. What a lousy question.
7. When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?
I'm not sure a friend has ever just walked out of my life. I guess I can think of one single person who has walked out of my life, and I let them go. But then we became okay friends again later. But usually I go after them to keep things not awkward.
8. What do you do when a telemarketer calls?
At home we had the handy "You have reached a number that does not accept solicitation. If you are a solicitor, please something something something." So we didn't get those calls. But when I get a call from a number I don't know on my cell phone I don't answer. Telemarketers don't leave messages.
9. Would you go a month without washing your hair for 5,000 dollars?
Oh yes. But I would also wear a sign saying "I'm getting paid 5 grand for not washing my hair for one month." as soon as it started looking disgusting. I think about what people think of me all the time, even though I pretend not to.
10. Would you cry if you found out you were pregnant?
Seeing that I am unmarried, 18, in college, and broke, yes. If I was married, 30, and expecting it, no.
11. Have you been pressured to do anything recently?
Well duh. 1. Go tanning- something I don't do. 2. Go to a movie on Sunday- something I don't do. 3. Drink- something I don't do. 4. Watch R movies- something I don't do, but have. 5. Stay up late when I have early class or church the next day. 6. Change my appearance. The list goes on. But it's fine, I don't mind being pressured.
12. Who are you voting for in 2008?
I have not decided yet.
13. How many kids do you want? Boys/Girls? Names?
Many. Kids with 7 siblings come out of it either hating big families or loving them. My 7 siblings are my best friends, so I want a big family- anywhere from 7 up. If I have less that's okay I suppose, but I could even have 11 or 12. Lots of boys and lots of girls. I don't mind how many of each. A family of all boys would be fun and funny, but a family of all girls would be harder. But really, any amount of either works great. But who knows, right? I like a few names, like Jude or Judy, Conrad, and Sam, but I don't really know. They've got to be good names though. Good names = good kids.
14. What is in your purse?
I don't have a purse, actually. I have been using my roommate's purse. In it is my case less camera (I need to buy a case to protect the screen. It's on my To Do list), a trax schedule, the my dorm key on a lacrosse key chain, my pink notebook, a black pen, my wienerschnitzel wallet, a black pair of gloves, a Guatemalan change purse, an empty water bottle, a sketch book, chapstick, and a book. It's a very big purse. I'm going to go buy one similar to it because it's nice to be able to carry around everything I own in it. But it costs 72 dollars. That's why I don't like being a girl who is supposed to be a woman.
15. What outfit do you have on at this exact moment?
A blue skirt with blue flowers and ribbon on it, green and white striped underwear, a white camisole, a white shirt, a grey quarter length zip up jacket/shirt, and blue loop beaded earrings.
16. what color are your eyes?
Hazel, but pretty green, which I am so happy about. They used to be browner and I've always wanted green.
17. How can you tell if it is love or lust?
Lust is selfish. Love is not.
18. Do you have your tonsils and wisdom teeth?
Yes sir. My mother had her wisdom teeth until she was almost 50. I want to keep mine forever. They are growing in but I'm not going to tell my dentist because I don't want him to take them while I'm not looking. Plus, the milk we drink these days makes it so we can't fit all our teeth in. If we drank raw milk- not pasteurized and processed and such- we could keep all our teeth. My family drinks raw milk. We have a cow in my brother's room. And I'm going to have my family drink raw milk when I grow up so that we can all keep our wisdom teeth.
19. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
The side closest to the wall, otherwise I might fall 6 feet.
20. Do you like your significant other to be aggressive or passive?
Both.
21. Would you rather go camping or to a 5 star hotel?
Either. I love love love camping but I also love hotels.
22. When did you last cry?
At Applebee's on Friday night. Trent and I were having a staring contest. I won.
And the time before that was at the Union while laughing to tears with Alexis, a newfound friend. She brings out the funniest in me. But real crying? If I remember correctly, December 28th.
23. Do you have any siblings?
Only 7. Plus 2 brothers-in-law, which I count, as well as a girlfriend-in-not-law.
24. Have you kissed anyone in your top friends?
You can't see my top friends, but no.
25. What's your worst habit?
Interrupting people- thinking I know what they are going to say it so I finish it for them. I have to admit, I'm often right, and they say "Yeah exactly!" or what not, but it is really really really annoying and inconsiderate and rude.
26. The status of you and the last person you texted is..?
We are friends.
27. Do you want to be in a relationship right now?
Not enough to seek after one, but if one that was 100 percent awesome fell upon me, I wouldn't run away. (but I reserve the right to change my mind even if a good one does fall upon me. I tend to do that)
28. Can you tear a phonebook in half?
A page at a time, yes. Or if it was on top of someone I was trying to save or something. You know, like when someone can lift a car when it's smashing their child because of the crazy things our bodies can do? Like that.
29. Do you like your current relationship status?
Surely.
30. Do you still talk to the last person you dated?
Yes.
31. How many people did you kiss this winter?
Lame. I'm bored of these kissy relationship type questions. I refuse to answer.
32. If you could own a non-traditional pet what would it be?
A snake, if that's considered non-traditional. That's pretty traditional for my family though.
33. Are you okay with ex's being friends with their ex's?
As in a boy I've dated in my past being friends with a girl he has dated in the past? Yes. I have no say over that type of thing when it comes to ex's. I get jealous, but I am also the biggest hypocrite possible on this subject, so I can't be not okay with it.
34. Would you rather feel pain or be numb?
I've never felt pain when I could have the option of being numb, so I don't know. But I don't like being numb at all.
35. Do you find it easier to forgive or forget?
I swear forgetting only honestly happens when forgiveness comes first. So I'd have to say forgive.
36. Do you like competition?
Yep. Except when I lose at something that I could have won. If there wasn't a chance, it's all just fun and games, but if I could have been best at something, I get really competitive.
37. Would you ever stay with someone just because you didn't want to break their heart?
It's happened, but after about a week of being dishonest with myself I decided to be honest with them. My happiness is much more important than anyone else's. Sorry.
38. Have you ever taken anyone/anything for granted?
My best friends growing up had 3 wheelers that I loved to ride. But I love them just as much, so I didn't feel terrible.
Ha. I thought that question said take advantage of anyone. I'm not changing my answer.
39. Do you hate being alone?
Ha. No sir. I love it. I could keep myself entertained by myself for the rest of my life. Not that I want to, necessarily, but I could. And I do very often.
40. Has anyone ever broken your heart?
Hah. Well, in a way. I didn't cry over the time I thought someone had broken my heart. I didn't know then how broken a heart could be. But in ways, yes.
41. Do you still love them with all the little pieces?
This question does not deserve to be answered.
42. Would you cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend if Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie showed up?
As desirable as Angelina is, no.
43. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
Lava Hot Springs on New Years Eve with the familia. That's not really a pool though. Hot tub with my family on Thanksgiving? Hm. A real pool.. probably during the summer at my best friend's cousin's house.
44. Where was the last place you went shopping?
The D.I.
45. How do you feel about your hair?
Do I really want to explain on this one? The answer could go for ages. In brief though, I feel like it is expressive and interesting but I use it as a defense mechanism at the same time.
46. How do you feel about dating co-workers?
I did once. And have had crushes on others. But I'd advice against it unless it works out great.
48. Can women and men be "just friends"?
I'm disappointed in the lame dating questions. But yes, of course, idiots.
49. Last restaurant you went to?
Chili's with my roommates last night. It was so good. I got an amazing chicken salad that I will probably get again next time I go there which will probably be sooner than later now that I know if it's goodness. Then we shared these amazing warm cakes with ice cream on top. Really, it was one of the best meals I've had all for a while.
50. Do you miss anyone right now?
Yes, many people. What a dumb question to end on. I'll add another.
51. If there were two pens on your desk of the exact same brand and appearance, but one was blue and one was black, which would you pick up?
Black. I've had too many lousy blue pens.
1.14.8 Shift!
My shift key pretends to be the caps lock key when it feels like it. As if it doesn't already get more attention than some of the other side keys. Selfish jerk. Out of no where everything will go CAPS but the caps lock is not on. I used to just smear my hands across the keyboard, knowing I'd hit whatever Fnumber button or weird combination I needed to get it back to normal, but then one day I figured out that I just have to push the shift key once and it goes normal. So if you're having that problem, try shift. He likes stealing the job of other keys.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Donating Plasma = Money
I donated plasma for the first time today! It took me a little while to find Life Sera, but turns out it is only about a ten minute walk away from my home. That's closer than my firt class. I was there for 3 hours but got paid 40 dollars. That's 13.33 dollars an hour! Nice job. I was screened by Haily Hall, a girl from my school. She's nice and pretty. Then I was stuck by Maryssa, who works there. She's funny and cool. It wasn't as bad as I expected. She told me to look away while she stuck the needle in but I wish I hadn't. I think it looks cool when needles go into skin. She had to use the smaller needle for "the cute baby vein!" I was hooked up to the machine for about 50 minutes. My neck hurt by the end because I had my head cranked to watch the machine working through the blood to the left of me. The nice thing about donating plasma is that the blood goes through a centrofuge where the red blood cells and all nutrition components are sorted out from the plasma then the plasma gets moved to a container and the blood and nutrients come back into my vein. This way I shouldn't ever feel light headed or energy drained afterwards. Great eh?
I think I get 40 this time and next time, but after that, because I weigh less than 150, I donate the smallest amount, so I get paid the smallest amount- 20 a time. So that's 40 a week. But if I go in 8 times in one month, I get 25 extra. So that's 185 a month. But what I'm going to do after a few weeks of going regularly is get a Rabies vaccination. That way I get paid 25 then 35 the second time in one week. They use my blood for tests and studies and such. So then I could get 265 for 8 times! And if they take about an hour each, that's 265/8 which is 33 dollars an hour! Great paying job! Plus I have a couple friends that might start coming with me, and if they put me down as the referal that's 25 buck a piece to my name. Cool. I love money.
I think I get 40 this time and next time, but after that, because I weigh less than 150, I donate the smallest amount, so I get paid the smallest amount- 20 a time. So that's 40 a week. But if I go in 8 times in one month, I get 25 extra. So that's 185 a month. But what I'm going to do after a few weeks of going regularly is get a Rabies vaccination. That way I get paid 25 then 35 the second time in one week. They use my blood for tests and studies and such. So then I could get 265 for 8 times! And if they take about an hour each, that's 265/8 which is 33 dollars an hour! Great paying job! Plus I have a couple friends that might start coming with me, and if they put me down as the referal that's 25 buck a piece to my name. Cool. I love money.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Young Politics
Quincey, Rob, Erica, Jackie, Andy, Brooke and I just had a heated political debate for about an hour. It was funny. If anyone that really knew what they were talking about was there it wouldn't have been as fun. It started out with Andy saying Obama might be the terrorist connection and once he gets into the white house we're all going to die. Weirdest thing is, he was being serious. I fought that one like crazy and smashed most of his arguments.
Then we talked about everything and anything- Hilary, Mitt, education, teachers, Iraq, war, Bush, 911, Rocky, abortion, gay marriage. I faked my way through most of it, throwing out a few random facts that I completely made up every once in a while. I only got called on one of them because I didn't say it with enought confidence. Mostly only Andy, Brooke, Jackie and I did the talking and the other 3 just listened.
Often in discussions like that, group polarization occurs- the two sides just become more and more convinced of their right ness as the argument goes on. Today though, I think we all said things that helped the others consider and reconsider things.
I was very suprised that I had an something to say on almost every subject. It wasn't always strong opinion, but it was material that made me think after I said it. I've always been one of the 3 that just sit and listen when people talk about politics and such. I am usually not confident enough to say a word, but when in the middle of it like today, I was on fire! haha. It was amusing. Any intelligent person could have completely dominated each of us in every way, but when I realized I was one of the more opinionated and stronger debaters there, I went with it. I'm suprised they didn't discredit what I was saying more often.
I kind of wish I had people more learned in politics to talk with.
Then we talked about everything and anything- Hilary, Mitt, education, teachers, Iraq, war, Bush, 911, Rocky, abortion, gay marriage. I faked my way through most of it, throwing out a few random facts that I completely made up every once in a while. I only got called on one of them because I didn't say it with enought confidence. Mostly only Andy, Brooke, Jackie and I did the talking and the other 3 just listened.
Often in discussions like that, group polarization occurs- the two sides just become more and more convinced of their right ness as the argument goes on. Today though, I think we all said things that helped the others consider and reconsider things.
I was very suprised that I had an something to say on almost every subject. It wasn't always strong opinion, but it was material that made me think after I said it. I've always been one of the 3 that just sit and listen when people talk about politics and such. I am usually not confident enough to say a word, but when in the middle of it like today, I was on fire! haha. It was amusing. Any intelligent person could have completely dominated each of us in every way, but when I realized I was one of the more opinionated and stronger debaters there, I went with it. I'm suprised they didn't discredit what I was saying more often.
I kind of wish I had people more learned in politics to talk with.
Friday, January 11, 2008
My thoughts on this Lazy Saturday.
In general I am not very attracted to the human face. When I am, I'm very attracted to it. Ears look funny. There is too much cheek. Chins are usually ugly. Eyes have to be perfect to be good. Eyebrows are weird. Noses are very strange. Everyone just looks exactly the same. We all have the exact same faces. But then little bumps or notches or colors or sizes change us and no one looks the same except for the unfortunate identical twins. Humans look scary. Our eyes are scary. Our smiles can be scary. If someone from another world saw us, they'd be so weirded out.
I hide behind my glasses. When I take them off I feel uncomfortable, self-conscious, exposed. I can feel very confident with a given person or in a given place, but but me there again with my contacts in and it's like I'm standing naked in the middle of a plaza. I hide emotions and feelings in my eyes and my glasses keep prying eyes out. I don't like looking in the mirror with my glasses off. I have too much skin. Too much face for too little of eyes and eyebrows and lips. I have worn my glasses every single day for almost a year and a half except for lacrosse practice. I started out the new school year saying I'll wear my glasses for 2 days then not wear them for a couple then wear them then don't, etc. but I always end up wearing them. Besides, contacts hurt my eyes. I wish I didn't use my glasses as a shield.
I bought 2 anti-plastic bracelets yesterday. Along with a pair of plastic earrings. I don't have a car, I turn lights off after myself, I recyle some, and I think about being green often. I am not a green crusader but I want to be more considerate of the world. Starting now. I also read something yesterday that says becoming a vegetarian does more for the earth than buying a hybrid car. Interesting. I'm excited that as an architect I might be able to contribute to the green cause as I think up and design green buildings.
I get texts from friends often that say "What are you doing? I am extremely bored. To the max." and I usually make up an excuse so I don't have to play with them. I would agree to playing if they would say, "Hey do you want to go down to the Gateway with me in 30 minutes?" or "Let's go sledding." or "Come watch this movie with us." But I don't like not having a plan because it often ends up being lame. Also, I am very grateful that I love to read and learn and do things for myself like that because on Friday nights when I have nothing to do, I'd almost rather be reading in my room than just sitting in a room down the hall doing nothing. I Rarely send out I'm Bored texts because I never am. There is always something for me to be doing, always a list 40 books long to read, articles to look up, ideas to research, sketches to work on, bands to find, organizing to do. I don't have to depend on anyone else to keep me occupied or entertained. I was over on 21st South buying art supplies the other day and one Bored-texter texted me and thought it so strange that I was all by myself so far away. Then I happened to be there again a few days later, alone, and he happened to text me again and found it just as strange the second time. And yesterday I got texted while at the Gateway by myself. I just don't mind being by myself, at all.
I have thought of going to UCBerkley but everyone that has been there tells me they are insane. They say the Berklites overcompensate for whatever they feel they are missing. They are just too Liberal. Erica said, "Here's the University of Utah(point one). On the opposite side of the liberal spectrum (point two) is Berkley. No wait. This (point one) is BYU. But the University of Utah is very close to BYU when compared to Berkely." Sure I am okay with liberals, but Jackie says they actually camped out in trees there. It'd be interesting, but maybe too crazy for me. Who knows. Plus it's expensive. We'll see.
I am slowly being taken advantage of, one hair at a time. It started with small things. I don't even remember what, but small. Just asking favors and borrowing scissors or what not (which have yet to be returned). Or, Jessie, will you get my razor from the cupboard and hand it to me? Sure. That's cake. If it's not that hard I'll do what they ask. But I think they are catching on that I'll do almost anything they ask and be okay with almost anything they do. Hey Jessie, crawl under my bed and get my laundry detergent. Sure that's easy. Kinda weird, but fine. Oh I used your computer to listen to music, is that okay? Sure, as long as you don't pay attention to the great music I have and try to adopt it into your crappy music selection. Last night one of Kylie's friend slept in Chelsea's bed because she's in Vegas. That was fine, it's not my bed. Then one took one of my blankets. I think Kylie has two, but whatever, that's fine. I still have 2 more. See none of these things matter at all. If they were kicking me out of my bed or turning me into the dorm cinderella I'd protest. I'm just worried that they are starting to realize the power they have over me and I'm afraid.
I locked myself out today when I went to make easy mac alfredo style in the lounge. Kristen was in her room, but she's been sick so she was sleeping and I did not want to wake her. So I went in Jackie and Erika's room for 30 minutes or so. Then I decided to wake Kristen. I left the straightener on and didn't want it to burn the dorm down. I felt bad.
The Cheveron on 21st South has the best Hot Chocolate station in the world. Jackie, Erika, Quincey and I went last night after seeing Dan In Real Life at the Dollar Theater (It's actually $1.75 so it Should be called the Dollar Seventy Five Theater, but whatever). Their regular old Milk Chocolate hot chocolate is great, then there's a coffee creamer machine where you push the button for hazelnut or vanilla cream and powder comes shooting out. And! They have canisters of minimarshmallows! All this for only $1.19!
I like college.
I hide behind my glasses. When I take them off I feel uncomfortable, self-conscious, exposed. I can feel very confident with a given person or in a given place, but but me there again with my contacts in and it's like I'm standing naked in the middle of a plaza. I hide emotions and feelings in my eyes and my glasses keep prying eyes out. I don't like looking in the mirror with my glasses off. I have too much skin. Too much face for too little of eyes and eyebrows and lips. I have worn my glasses every single day for almost a year and a half except for lacrosse practice. I started out the new school year saying I'll wear my glasses for 2 days then not wear them for a couple then wear them then don't, etc. but I always end up wearing them. Besides, contacts hurt my eyes. I wish I didn't use my glasses as a shield.
I bought 2 anti-plastic bracelets yesterday. Along with a pair of plastic earrings. I don't have a car, I turn lights off after myself, I recyle some, and I think about being green often. I am not a green crusader but I want to be more considerate of the world. Starting now. I also read something yesterday that says becoming a vegetarian does more for the earth than buying a hybrid car. Interesting. I'm excited that as an architect I might be able to contribute to the green cause as I think up and design green buildings.
I get texts from friends often that say "What are you doing? I am extremely bored. To the max." and I usually make up an excuse so I don't have to play with them. I would agree to playing if they would say, "Hey do you want to go down to the Gateway with me in 30 minutes?" or "Let's go sledding." or "Come watch this movie with us." But I don't like not having a plan because it often ends up being lame. Also, I am very grateful that I love to read and learn and do things for myself like that because on Friday nights when I have nothing to do, I'd almost rather be reading in my room than just sitting in a room down the hall doing nothing. I Rarely send out I'm Bored texts because I never am. There is always something for me to be doing, always a list 40 books long to read, articles to look up, ideas to research, sketches to work on, bands to find, organizing to do. I don't have to depend on anyone else to keep me occupied or entertained. I was over on 21st South buying art supplies the other day and one Bored-texter texted me and thought it so strange that I was all by myself so far away. Then I happened to be there again a few days later, alone, and he happened to text me again and found it just as strange the second time. And yesterday I got texted while at the Gateway by myself. I just don't mind being by myself, at all.
I have thought of going to UCBerkley but everyone that has been there tells me they are insane. They say the Berklites overcompensate for whatever they feel they are missing. They are just too Liberal. Erica said, "Here's the University of Utah(point one). On the opposite side of the liberal spectrum (point two) is Berkley. No wait. This (point one) is BYU. But the University of Utah is very close to BYU when compared to Berkely." Sure I am okay with liberals, but Jackie says they actually camped out in trees there. It'd be interesting, but maybe too crazy for me. Who knows. Plus it's expensive. We'll see.
I am slowly being taken advantage of, one hair at a time. It started with small things. I don't even remember what, but small. Just asking favors and borrowing scissors or what not (which have yet to be returned). Or, Jessie, will you get my razor from the cupboard and hand it to me? Sure. That's cake. If it's not that hard I'll do what they ask. But I think they are catching on that I'll do almost anything they ask and be okay with almost anything they do. Hey Jessie, crawl under my bed and get my laundry detergent. Sure that's easy. Kinda weird, but fine. Oh I used your computer to listen to music, is that okay? Sure, as long as you don't pay attention to the great music I have and try to adopt it into your crappy music selection. Last night one of Kylie's friend slept in Chelsea's bed because she's in Vegas. That was fine, it's not my bed. Then one took one of my blankets. I think Kylie has two, but whatever, that's fine. I still have 2 more. See none of these things matter at all. If they were kicking me out of my bed or turning me into the dorm cinderella I'd protest. I'm just worried that they are starting to realize the power they have over me and I'm afraid.
I locked myself out today when I went to make easy mac alfredo style in the lounge. Kristen was in her room, but she's been sick so she was sleeping and I did not want to wake her. So I went in Jackie and Erika's room for 30 minutes or so. Then I decided to wake Kristen. I left the straightener on and didn't want it to burn the dorm down. I felt bad.
The Cheveron on 21st South has the best Hot Chocolate station in the world. Jackie, Erika, Quincey and I went last night after seeing Dan In Real Life at the Dollar Theater (It's actually $1.75 so it Should be called the Dollar Seventy Five Theater, but whatever). Their regular old Milk Chocolate hot chocolate is great, then there's a coffee creamer machine where you push the button for hazelnut or vanilla cream and powder comes shooting out. And! They have canisters of minimarshmallows! All this for only $1.19!
I like college.
Ninja
Today when I got home from school I was greeted by a Ninja. Her name is Kristen. She is sick and trying to protect her fellow roommates from her contaminated breathe.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
School+Lacrosse=Impossible?
Taking the "I" away from "I love you" makes the whole thing ten times easier to say to any given person.
I love something called lacrosse. I don't know if I can continue lacrosse because of how stressful this semester is going to be.
Pros of playing lacrosse this semester:
1. It's fun.
2. I'd make friends.
3. Being part of a team is like nothing else.
4. It's a great stress reliever.
5. It's great exercise.
6. Just talking about it gets me excited.
7. I'm not ready to give it up for life.
8. Games are like drugs: they put me on an incredible high.
Cons of playing lacrosse this semester:
1. It costs a lot of money, something I don't have.
2. If we travel, I might miss classes. My schedule is not a good class-missing schedule.
3. Practice could be daily. Already after 3 days of school I can tell I am going to be busy almost all day every day.
That's all I have, really. And normally if the pros lists beats the cons list you go for it, but this is my schooling I'm talking about. Do I want to gamble my GPA for lacrosse? Do I want to stop playing and most likely never play again? Do I want to risk staying up doing homework and always being tired? Do I want to miss out on college lacrosse? This is probably one of the hardest decisions I've had to face, even harder than deciding on a college. I knew the answer would be presented to me eventually with college. This is just a gamble. But I'll pray. I'm a faithful person and maybe this is something I'll get an answer to. No guarantees, but it'd be nice. Ugh.
I am listening to really, really good music. I cannot tell what it is though because there is a chance I'll be rebuked for it. It's complicated.
I need to go to bed but I should look at my physics homework. I've done so much homework today! It's great. I like being busy and when I get everything done I feel very accomplished and satisfied. Slightly stressed, but fine.
Goodnight moon.
Love Jessica Judy
1.9.8
I love something called lacrosse. I don't know if I can continue lacrosse because of how stressful this semester is going to be.
Pros of playing lacrosse this semester:
1. It's fun.
2. I'd make friends.
3. Being part of a team is like nothing else.
4. It's a great stress reliever.
5. It's great exercise.
6. Just talking about it gets me excited.
7. I'm not ready to give it up for life.
8. Games are like drugs: they put me on an incredible high.
Cons of playing lacrosse this semester:
1. It costs a lot of money, something I don't have.
2. If we travel, I might miss classes. My schedule is not a good class-missing schedule.
3. Practice could be daily. Already after 3 days of school I can tell I am going to be busy almost all day every day.
That's all I have, really. And normally if the pros lists beats the cons list you go for it, but this is my schooling I'm talking about. Do I want to gamble my GPA for lacrosse? Do I want to stop playing and most likely never play again? Do I want to risk staying up doing homework and always being tired? Do I want to miss out on college lacrosse? This is probably one of the hardest decisions I've had to face, even harder than deciding on a college. I knew the answer would be presented to me eventually with college. This is just a gamble. But I'll pray. I'm a faithful person and maybe this is something I'll get an answer to. No guarantees, but it'd be nice. Ugh.
I am listening to really, really good music. I cannot tell what it is though because there is a chance I'll be rebuked for it. It's complicated.
I need to go to bed but I should look at my physics homework. I've done so much homework today! It's great. I like being busy and when I get everything done I feel very accomplished and satisfied. Slightly stressed, but fine.
Goodnight moon.
Love Jessica Judy
1.9.8
"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite."
I like new schedules because I like meeting new people, which make me glad to go to class. I didn't meet anyone new in Physics, but Brian is in there and he's basically my brother. In Creative Writing I met Shalene, Hannah, and John. I didn't meet anyone in Design but I think I will tomorrow. I didn't meet anyone new in IT either, but I can tell that class is going to become good friends because it's a discussion/debate class. In Architectural Design I met Dustin. So I guess I didn't meet That many people, but combined with the potential meetage, they make me excited for class. Goody.
I'd rather be limited with only one usable hand by holding a phone to my ear than to look like a fool by talking with an earpiece.
I love college. I love friends. I love walking. I love laughing. I love girls. I love boys. I love learning. I love professors. I love feeling emotion.
I'm quite satisfied today.
1.8.8
I'd rather be limited with only one usable hand by holding a phone to my ear than to look like a fool by talking with an earpiece.
I love college. I love friends. I love walking. I love laughing. I love girls. I love boys. I love learning. I love professors. I love feeling emotion.
I'm quite satisfied today.
1.8.8
Thoughts 1.7.8
I just realized something. The book/series of books called The Great Brain are by John D. Fitzgerald. The book The Great Gatsby is by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Weird, eh?
I like books. I like starting them, reading them, and finishing them. In real life, if you don't keep in touch with someone his or her life still goes on and you have a lot of catching up to do. I like how you can pick up a book after not touching it for a few weeks and the story hasn't left you behind. The characters are still there, sometimes mid sentence, waiting for you to join in. Plus, you often get to share intense moments with characters. And you don't have to offer words or encouragement, comfort, excitement, etc, when something extreme happens to a character. You just get to keep reading and speculate in your mind what is going to happen. Sometimes I get so involved in a book that I'll laugh to the point of tears, cry in sadness for pages, say words or make faces that the character is trying to say or do, or think about the characters and what they're going through after I've put down the book that day. I really like reading. I read for so long the other night that my eyes ached afterwards. That has never happened to me before. I'm getting old.
My schedule is great, so far. My new physics professor is strangely attractive due to his strong French accent, my Creative Writing professor is entertaining there is a cute boy who laughs a lot, and my Design class seems exciting and fun. I'm very, very pleased with how today worked out. Plus, at lunch I saw Alando sitting in the Union so we sat and talked. He is very fun to talk to. Then Blake showed up. We played a game Alando bought at the bookstore for 11 dollars called Set. I won.
Over winter break, the door locks were supposedly replaced so that the door stays locked always. We figured out that all they did was glue in the button that locks the door. I got a blow dryer and held it to the lock for a good 5 minutes to melt the glue, but all that happened was the handle got really, really hot and weird tar stuff was coming out of the lock a little. Then Mark and Tyler got theirs unlocked just by jiggling the handle a lot. It's not working on my door though. Dang it.
Even though I fell asleep for about an hour at the Union today, I'm still very tired. Plus I just ate. That sometimes drains me. Why? Something like the ATP my body produces is being used to digest the food I ate and it doesn't leave much for my brain and muscles. Seems like the digestive system could learn to produce it's own energy instead of stealing the rest of the body's.
It's 6:45. I think I'll read now. Goodnight.
1.7.8
I like books. I like starting them, reading them, and finishing them. In real life, if you don't keep in touch with someone his or her life still goes on and you have a lot of catching up to do. I like how you can pick up a book after not touching it for a few weeks and the story hasn't left you behind. The characters are still there, sometimes mid sentence, waiting for you to join in. Plus, you often get to share intense moments with characters. And you don't have to offer words or encouragement, comfort, excitement, etc, when something extreme happens to a character. You just get to keep reading and speculate in your mind what is going to happen. Sometimes I get so involved in a book that I'll laugh to the point of tears, cry in sadness for pages, say words or make faces that the character is trying to say or do, or think about the characters and what they're going through after I've put down the book that day. I really like reading. I read for so long the other night that my eyes ached afterwards. That has never happened to me before. I'm getting old.
My schedule is great, so far. My new physics professor is strangely attractive due to his strong French accent, my Creative Writing professor is entertaining there is a cute boy who laughs a lot, and my Design class seems exciting and fun. I'm very, very pleased with how today worked out. Plus, at lunch I saw Alando sitting in the Union so we sat and talked. He is very fun to talk to. Then Blake showed up. We played a game Alando bought at the bookstore for 11 dollars called Set. I won.
Over winter break, the door locks were supposedly replaced so that the door stays locked always. We figured out that all they did was glue in the button that locks the door. I got a blow dryer and held it to the lock for a good 5 minutes to melt the glue, but all that happened was the handle got really, really hot and weird tar stuff was coming out of the lock a little. Then Mark and Tyler got theirs unlocked just by jiggling the handle a lot. It's not working on my door though. Dang it.
Even though I fell asleep for about an hour at the Union today, I'm still very tired. Plus I just ate. That sometimes drains me. Why? Something like the ATP my body produces is being used to digest the food I ate and it doesn't leave much for my brain and muscles. Seems like the digestive system could learn to produce it's own energy instead of stealing the rest of the body's.
It's 6:45. I think I'll read now. Goodnight.
1.7.8
Our Morning
Chelsea wakes me up at 5:57. The alarm was set for 6.
Kylie, Chelsea and I sit at Chelsea's freezing car that wouldn't start.
Kylie's car didn't jump it.
Campus Car Fixer Guy said it wasn't the battery. Bummer.
7:05, get back to our room.
Trip to gym- unsuccessful.
Kylie, Chelsea and I sit at Chelsea's freezing car that wouldn't start.
Kylie's car didn't jump it.
Campus Car Fixer Guy said it wasn't the battery. Bummer.
7:05, get back to our room.
Trip to gym- unsuccessful.
yawn.
The left side of my face is melting. It's hard for me to understand people who desire to go into dentistry. What's appealing about hurting me and stretching my mouth much wider than it should be and jabbing vacuum suckers into my gums and cleaning gross teeth and smelling bad breath and dealing with one of the top grossest parts of the human body? bleh. I have bad feelings towards the dentist. I can understand orthodontists, not dentists.
I made 12 New Years Resolutions. They are good ones. 12 sounds like a lot, but they are all manageable. One is to beat Guitar Hero 3.
I like listening to NPR.
Don't birds fly south? Why are there a bunch of birds flying around my back yard? Crazy animals.
I want to go running but it's so cold outside and my face is numb. I wish so badly that we had a treadmill.
I finished a book the other day. Now I'm reading The Secret Life of Bees.
My schedule next semester is great and I'm excited. I'm in another Physics, Intro to Creative Writing, Intellectual Traditions in which we write and read books by authors including Plato, Homer, and Aristotle, Basic Design, and Architectural Design. I'm going to be very busy.
I want to study abroad in Hong Kong next year. I was planning on doing that this coming fall, but for Chinese University of Hong Kong I'd have to go in the Spring. So I'm going to try to have all of everything that I need done by the end of fall '08 semester. Then I'll just take a bunch of art classes in Hong Kong.
Should I go back to sleep? I'm tired. It's 10:31. I went to bed at 3 ish and woke up at 8:45 for the dentist. But I should just stay up all day and go to bed at 10 or so, then wake up early. Then I'll start getting into a good sleep schedule. But a nap sounds so good right now. hmmm
1.2.8
I made 12 New Years Resolutions. They are good ones. 12 sounds like a lot, but they are all manageable. One is to beat Guitar Hero 3.
I like listening to NPR.
Don't birds fly south? Why are there a bunch of birds flying around my back yard? Crazy animals.
I want to go running but it's so cold outside and my face is numb. I wish so badly that we had a treadmill.
I finished a book the other day. Now I'm reading The Secret Life of Bees.
My schedule next semester is great and I'm excited. I'm in another Physics, Intro to Creative Writing, Intellectual Traditions in which we write and read books by authors including Plato, Homer, and Aristotle, Basic Design, and Architectural Design. I'm going to be very busy.
I want to study abroad in Hong Kong next year. I was planning on doing that this coming fall, but for Chinese University of Hong Kong I'd have to go in the Spring. So I'm going to try to have all of everything that I need done by the end of fall '08 semester. Then I'll just take a bunch of art classes in Hong Kong.
Should I go back to sleep? I'm tired. It's 10:31. I went to bed at 3 ish and woke up at 8:45 for the dentist. But I should just stay up all day and go to bed at 10 or so, then wake up early. Then I'll start getting into a good sleep schedule. But a nap sounds so good right now. hmmm
1.2.8
EEG
If there was an EEG hooked up to my brain, the waves would have just shot off the page. It is completely absurd how often I get scared. When someone walks upstairs on a certain part of the living room, it creaks through the floor and causes my door to make the noise it makes when someone is opening it. Someone just made it happen. My body didn't jump like it usually does, but my heart jumped out of me and my brain went completely insane. I could feel the nerves exploding in every direction! And every muscle in my body flexes for 1/4 of a second. It's painful and frightening and completely ridiculous.
12.27.7
12.27.7
Monday, January 7, 2008
At This Moment
At this moment, I see some sort of fake animal sewn around the hood of the coat in front of me. I hear a piece of lead squeaking like nails on a chalkboard on a neighbor's paper. I smell the pink soap from the restroom in the cracks of my hand. I taste breakfast hiding in-between my teeth. I feel green stripes running the length of both arms. I am thinking about how dang intimidated I feel in this class.
At this moment, I see a boy struggling to keep his books in his arms as he contorts to get from his wallet the dollar that will win him the chips in the candy machine. I hear the news lady babbling on about this doomed world’s coming elections. I smell a mix of familiar but indefinable chips and candies. I taste cracked, dry lips, feeling sad towards their owner for not having chapstick. I feel noodles, chicken, broccoli, pineapple, and teriyaki sauce being unwillingly digested in my stomach. I am thinking about how great it is that 26 letters can mix and mingle to make so many different words for me to use.
At this moment, I see hardly anything due to the single 40-watt bulb in this room with my sleeping roommate. I hear the steady beat of music in my ears, muting the scratching of my pen on the paper. I smell Mary Kay lotion moistening my cold, dry hands. I taste minty plastic- the taste of a newly brushed retainer. I feel microscopic robots biting and itching just under my skin. I am thinking about how right my mother was ten years ago when she warned me that if I kept sitting Indian style my knees would eventually pay.
At this moment, I see red and white galoshes, protecting feet from the snow. I hear hundreds of voices- never a pause- carrying conversations through the open air. I smell the wonderful old-person scent coming from my newly bought D.I. pink sweater. I taste Blistex- temporarily protecting my chafed, chapped, cracked, or wind burned lips- complete moisture with super-hydrating ingredients for a surge of moisture. I feel everything but my left foot, which is going numb, crossed under my body. I am thinking about the ache my fingertips hold on to hours after coming in from the cold.
1.8,9.8
At this moment, I see a boy struggling to keep his books in his arms as he contorts to get from his wallet the dollar that will win him the chips in the candy machine. I hear the news lady babbling on about this doomed world’s coming elections. I smell a mix of familiar but indefinable chips and candies. I taste cracked, dry lips, feeling sad towards their owner for not having chapstick. I feel noodles, chicken, broccoli, pineapple, and teriyaki sauce being unwillingly digested in my stomach. I am thinking about how great it is that 26 letters can mix and mingle to make so many different words for me to use.
At this moment, I see hardly anything due to the single 40-watt bulb in this room with my sleeping roommate. I hear the steady beat of music in my ears, muting the scratching of my pen on the paper. I smell Mary Kay lotion moistening my cold, dry hands. I taste minty plastic- the taste of a newly brushed retainer. I feel microscopic robots biting and itching just under my skin. I am thinking about how right my mother was ten years ago when she warned me that if I kept sitting Indian style my knees would eventually pay.
At this moment, I see red and white galoshes, protecting feet from the snow. I hear hundreds of voices- never a pause- carrying conversations through the open air. I smell the wonderful old-person scent coming from my newly bought D.I. pink sweater. I taste Blistex- temporarily protecting my chafed, chapped, cracked, or wind burned lips- complete moisture with super-hydrating ingredients for a surge of moisture. I feel everything but my left foot, which is going numb, crossed under my body. I am thinking about the ache my fingertips hold on to hours after coming in from the cold.
1.8,9.8
Monday, December 24, 2007
Christmas Eve Eve's Events
YAY IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE!!!
I've been reading a blog for so long that my eyes are shaking the screen. Does that ever happen to anyone else? It makes my brain hurt.
I feel like telling about my day. Yep, this feels right.
I went to bed at 4:30 last night (Saturday night) because I can so I do. I love being awake at night- there is no time constraint. Life starts over when you open your eyes no matter what time you close them. So life started over today at about 8:30 when Michelle woke me up to get ready for church. She had to pound on my bedroom door because it was locked. Last night I brushed my teeth and washed my face in the bathroom then walked to the laundry room to turn off the light then when I was walking back past the bathroom a noise happened inside and when it’s dark and I’m alone I start making up things. And as I walk down the hallway away from the bathroom I’m facing a giant mirror at the end, and I kept picturing a silhouette coming out of the bathroom behind me so I ran to my room and locked my door. I really freak myself out. It’s scary. And usually I leave it locked until I really go to bed- I unlock it right before I climb into the blankets because by then the bad guy would have already tried to come in if he was out there. But I forgot last night so Michelle had to pound on my door and I really don’t like being woken up like that, especially when it ties into my dream like it did last night.
Staring out like that, I thought it was going to be a bad morning. Surprisingly it was not at all! Soon after I got in the shower, the song All I Want For Christmas Is You came on the radio and it was fun and upbeat and it made me smile and sing and dance. Then another upbeat one came on. It was a great shower. PLUS, Michelle was getting ready in the bathroom at the same time, and if you don’t hurry in the shower the mirror fogs up which is bad. Yesterday I showered first and had to open the door while Michelle was in the shower because it was SO HOT and SO HUMID in the bathroom. It freezes the person in the shower though. She was so sad at me. So today I thought she was going to open the door while I was in the shower because it was already hot and humid in there because of her shower, but she was the nicest sister and didn’t! And I thanked her for it.
I found a green sweater to wear because it’s Christmas, then Michelle Jared Rob and I went to church. We got there around 9:10. Not bad. Michelle and I went to Relief Society and a lady named Joan Keller taught the Christmas lesson. It was great. And I loved listening. I even tried not bouncing my foot or popping my fingers like I always do at church. ADD maybe. It was the best lesson and I wanted to go home and be the best person I could possibly be. Then in Sunday School, Brent Hale told some Crazy Insane Missionary Stories. And I was so happy to hear them. He has more faith than anyone I know personally. And I wanted all pre missionaries to hear him. He was great. Plus I got to see my friends that all go to different colleges. Fun fun fun.
Sacrament Meeting was rad too. Great Sunday. The choir sung a few songs, and for 2 of them the congregation stood and sang too. And we sand Oh Come Oh Come Emanuel which is an awesome song and the organ was really cool. Then I accidentally didn’t pay attention to the only speaker because I was writing letters to my ex mother and father in law the cheneys. But the music was enough for me. It was so great. Then after church a little boy wearing a Velcro coat walked past my sister wearing nylons and snagged them across both legs. It was funny. Then I gave Roland Trump a hug. He’s amazing.
Dinner was good. I love food at home. Better than college. I made fudge today too, and doorbell ditched it to some people. Yum. Then I brought presents to the Cheney’s and chatted with them for a bit, which was fun. I haven’t seen any of that family for a while and I love them all very much.
Then our family went to temple square. IT WAS PACKED. But I like that. I like lots of people to look at and to get lost in and to listen to. There were a lot of us. Dad mom deb scott calli ty sara becca spencer jack michelle me jared rob. It was pretty. I like blurring my eyes when I look at the Christmas lights. Then we went to Becca’s and Santa came. He was a perfect Santa. Then I fell asleep on the couch until I was awoken by the sound of fireplace tools falling on my nephew’s head. It was sad. But he’s okay.
Now I’m in my room. It’s almost 2 am. I need to go to bed. Sorry about the boring blog if you read it. But I had a good good day. And am excited for Christmas.
I've been reading a blog for so long that my eyes are shaking the screen. Does that ever happen to anyone else? It makes my brain hurt.
I feel like telling about my day. Yep, this feels right.
I went to bed at 4:30 last night (Saturday night) because I can so I do. I love being awake at night- there is no time constraint. Life starts over when you open your eyes no matter what time you close them. So life started over today at about 8:30 when Michelle woke me up to get ready for church. She had to pound on my bedroom door because it was locked. Last night I brushed my teeth and washed my face in the bathroom then walked to the laundry room to turn off the light then when I was walking back past the bathroom a noise happened inside and when it’s dark and I’m alone I start making up things. And as I walk down the hallway away from the bathroom I’m facing a giant mirror at the end, and I kept picturing a silhouette coming out of the bathroom behind me so I ran to my room and locked my door. I really freak myself out. It’s scary. And usually I leave it locked until I really go to bed- I unlock it right before I climb into the blankets because by then the bad guy would have already tried to come in if he was out there. But I forgot last night so Michelle had to pound on my door and I really don’t like being woken up like that, especially when it ties into my dream like it did last night.
Staring out like that, I thought it was going to be a bad morning. Surprisingly it was not at all! Soon after I got in the shower, the song All I Want For Christmas Is You came on the radio and it was fun and upbeat and it made me smile and sing and dance. Then another upbeat one came on. It was a great shower. PLUS, Michelle was getting ready in the bathroom at the same time, and if you don’t hurry in the shower the mirror fogs up which is bad. Yesterday I showered first and had to open the door while Michelle was in the shower because it was SO HOT and SO HUMID in the bathroom. It freezes the person in the shower though. She was so sad at me. So today I thought she was going to open the door while I was in the shower because it was already hot and humid in there because of her shower, but she was the nicest sister and didn’t! And I thanked her for it.
I found a green sweater to wear because it’s Christmas, then Michelle Jared Rob and I went to church. We got there around 9:10. Not bad. Michelle and I went to Relief Society and a lady named Joan Keller taught the Christmas lesson. It was great. And I loved listening. I even tried not bouncing my foot or popping my fingers like I always do at church. ADD maybe. It was the best lesson and I wanted to go home and be the best person I could possibly be. Then in Sunday School, Brent Hale told some Crazy Insane Missionary Stories. And I was so happy to hear them. He has more faith than anyone I know personally. And I wanted all pre missionaries to hear him. He was great. Plus I got to see my friends that all go to different colleges. Fun fun fun.
Sacrament Meeting was rad too. Great Sunday. The choir sung a few songs, and for 2 of them the congregation stood and sang too. And we sand Oh Come Oh Come Emanuel which is an awesome song and the organ was really cool. Then I accidentally didn’t pay attention to the only speaker because I was writing letters to my ex mother and father in law the cheneys. But the music was enough for me. It was so great. Then after church a little boy wearing a Velcro coat walked past my sister wearing nylons and snagged them across both legs. It was funny. Then I gave Roland Trump a hug. He’s amazing.
Dinner was good. I love food at home. Better than college. I made fudge today too, and doorbell ditched it to some people. Yum. Then I brought presents to the Cheney’s and chatted with them for a bit, which was fun. I haven’t seen any of that family for a while and I love them all very much.
Then our family went to temple square. IT WAS PACKED. But I like that. I like lots of people to look at and to get lost in and to listen to. There were a lot of us. Dad mom deb scott calli ty sara becca spencer jack michelle me jared rob. It was pretty. I like blurring my eyes when I look at the Christmas lights. Then we went to Becca’s and Santa came. He was a perfect Santa. Then I fell asleep on the couch until I was awoken by the sound of fireplace tools falling on my nephew’s head. It was sad. But he’s okay.
Now I’m in my room. It’s almost 2 am. I need to go to bed. Sorry about the boring blog if you read it. But I had a good good day. And am excited for Christmas.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Care for Christmas
We barely know you. We see you rarely for split seconds as you rush through your life, thoughts and actions channeled at something besides us. We can see you don't care and don't have time, but do you realize that yourself? I hope this is just a phase, that someday, hopefully soon, you'll slow down. You'll give yourself the time to come a little earlier, allowing even just a moment to sit and catch up, to ask questions, to make jokes, to play a few games, to discuss a good book, anything to bring us close again. For a bit it was great. You talked, you listened, you asked, you loved us and our friends. Now you don't recognize faces, notice changes, remember past conversations. Maybe you'll care for Christmas.
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