I have a best friend. His name is Sam. He changed my life.
1. Eye contact. I used to feel like people were able to read my mind if I kept eye contact too long, like all my deepest darkest secrets were written on the back wall of my eyeballs. But now I realize that’s not true. The truth is I can read minds when I keep eye contact. Sam taught me this. Plus I think it shows power. And sincerity. I’m pleased with my eye-contact improvement.
2. Details details details. Not yet as extreme as Sam’s note of detail, but more than my B.S. (before Sam) years. This is detail in everything. Me, my hair (mostly the way my bangs lay because he was ocd about his own bangs/hair), my face, my clothes, my posture, my eyes, boys, their hair, their posture, their shoes, their jeans, their teeth, their nose, their walk, pictures on walls (I’ve always been ocd with this, but he encouraged it), organizing stuff that doesn’t really need to be organized, the list goes on and on.
3. Language. I thought that Sam’s great grammar had rubbed off on me and was finally showing through when I moved away, but the truth is this: at home I was always in his shadow, even when I did use big ish words, he already knew what it meant and how would correct my usage, but now alone in the world I don’t have anyone to tell me I’m saying things wrong, and I don’t have many people using words that I don’t know yet. He’s way too advanced for his own good.
4. Jealousy. I used to be pretty laid back and okay with anything in by B.S. days. Sure if my crush was flirting with someone else I’d feel jealous, not to would be unnatural. But in the A.S. days have I felt physically sick due to missing/being jealous over/thinking about someone. Not telling who that someone is. :P I definitely learned that one from Sam.
5. Music. I like more music now. I appreciate more music now. And I go to concerts now. And I’m better at name that tune. And my itunes is twice as big. Sam.
6. I care about things that I should care about. Things in the newspaper. Both Sam and his parents and John and our parents get credit for this one. I just wish I had known that I cared when knowledge was more easily accessible. Plus Sam like, scoffs at me now when I ask about something that I want to know more about. He says, when did you start caring about things like this? What, am I supposed to go forever as the less educated one? I’ll be smarter than him, someday.
7. High Expectations. I’ve always been a perfectionist in certain ways, but Sam made me expect more of myself intellectually. He helped me realize I could go big for college or my future. Bigger than I might have. And I have big goals and big dreams and I know I can reach them if I try hard enough. I think Sam and his parents instilled this in me a little, through support and encouragement, where my family is too sarcastic for this type of thinking. In a way. I love the Cheney family so much. What a blessed (pronounced bless ed. 2 syllables) family.
8. Competition. I’ve always been competitive, but I had never before dated someone that was just as if not more competitive than me. I would be so angry when Sam would beat me home from school that he had to let me win if he wanted to have me talk to him during the first hour after school. So sometimes this competition is a bad thing, but more than not it is great. I’m more competitive with my opinions, which help morph them into more mature ideas. I’m more competitive with my grades- haha one of my main motivations for studying for a test is to beat the kid that got a better score on me last time. And hey, it gets me the grade. I think this competitiveness will come in handy when/if I am in the architecture program competing for one of the 45 graduating class spots.
9. Respect. He’s a people pleaser. He can win the respect of anyone by being himself. He’s courteous, polite, attentive, mature, honest, and just very classy in appearance and action. I’ve learned that when I throw this kind of etiquette into relationships with anyone, roommates, floor friends, cafeteria workers, professors, bus drivers, etc, I get much of that respect back. I’m trying to treat people like they are above me. My family is very sarcastic and funny, sometimes rude, or so it appears to outsiders, and I have become a very sarcastic and sometimes rude person, if I don’t remind myself regularly to be more polite even to good friends. Even to shuttle bus drivers I say thank you every time I get off and say hello when I get on and don’t act like I’m better than them by not acknowledging them like some of the students do. Sam always said thank you. It rubbed off on me and it’s great. What wonderful words, really. I love saying them.
To be continued. Maybe.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
My (accurate) Astrological Picture
Name: Jessica Gilmore
August 10 1989
5:25 PM Time Zone is MDT
Salt Lake City, UT
Rising Sign is in 27 Degrees Sagittarius
You are known for being open, frank, outgoing and honest. At times, though, you are also blunt and quite indiscreet. Others have to learn not to take everything you say personally, because you usually do not mean any harm. You appreciate living your life in a straightforward and simple manner -- you dislike social niceties and consider them to be hindrances to real communication. You have lots and lots of energy and tend to become quite restless if you feel confined. You demand the freedom to do as you choose -- you must be self- directed or you feel trapped and anxious. With your abundant energy, you enjoy being outdoors, and you should be attracted to physical exercise or to those forms of sport which can help you burn off some of that excess energy. Very gregarious, you love to socialize -- your innate enthusiasm livens up any gathering.
Sun is in 18 Degrees Leo.
More than a bit of a showoff, you love to be the center of attention! But others do not usually mind because they tend to enjoy your genuine warmth and affection. Very spirited and willful, proud and self-important at times, you demand your own way. You are quite honest, however, and the respect of others is very important to you. You never compromise yourself and you pursue your goals with persistence and dedication. Your regal presence and demeanor draws you to positions of leadership and authority. But beware of being overly hardheaded, domineering, ostentatious or patronizing or you will lose the goodwill and admiration that you enjoy. Very theatrical, you live life on a grand scale wherever and whenever possible. Your strength and energy vitalizes those who come in contact with you.
Moon is in 02 Degrees Sagittarius.
An idealist, you prefer the grand, the beautiful, the good and the noble. You get very disappointed when your high expectations in life are not met. Very curious by nature, you enjoy traveling and learning about other peoples and cultures. Try to avoid your tendency to ignore the small but important details of living. You are independent and free, and you want others to be that way, too. Optimistic, buoyant and cheerful, others like to have you around. You have an incessant desire to learn as much as possible about metaphysics, religion, philosophy and any other broad, deep subject. Your life tends to be punctuated by bursts of energy and frenetic activity.
Mercury is in 09 Degrees Virgo.
Very thorough and efficient, you pay attention to the minor but important details of any project. You are a careful thinker who can learn complicated, intricate techniques. You are attracted to practical, useful skills and are probably good at working with your hands. You are very critical of yourself and others, sometimes too much so, and you get the reputation of being a nag or of being nit-picky. Your first reaction to any situation is to try to organize, classify and analyze everything!
Venus is in 21 Degrees Virgo.
You express your love and affection through selfless service to people or causes. You have a tendency to underestimate yourself and doubt your self-worth. This is very demeaning and should be avoided -- learn to love yourself as well as you do others. Your standards of perfection are very high -- you are attracted to relationships based on duty and responsibility. You are supercritical of yourself and others and, at times, prefer to be alone rather than deal with any imperfections in yourself or in those with whom you might relate.
Mars is in 04 Degrees Virgo.
Very careful and systematic, you pay great attention to details. You are always seeking perfection and sometimes get bogged down searching for the ultimate when adequacy would have been sufficient. You dislike abstractions, preferring whatever is practical, useful and demonstrable. You have a strong and enduring sense of personal responsibility, and you demand that others be as responsible and upright as you are. Very critical of yourself and others, sometimes you carry this too far and become overly intolerant of others and their right to choose their own lifestyles.
Jupiter is in 02 Degrees Cancer.
You must be emotionally secure in order to grow and develop. You are happiest when your family and community support and nourish you and boost your morale. Whether your childhood experiences of love and emotional dependability were positive or negative will set the tone for your emotional growth and stability as an adult. When you feel at ease with yourself, you are able to offer assistance to those who need a helping hand.
Saturn is in 08 Degrees Capricorn.
Very serious-minded and mature, you have the ability to take on responsibilities and to carry out important duties. You can also be trusted to be extremely practical and thrifty. A good organizer, you are the ideal one to be counted on to take a clearly defined project through to its logical conclusion. An achiever, you pride yourself on your ability to focus your attention totally on some worthy goal and then attain it.
Uranus is in 01 Degrees Capricorn.
You, and your peer group as well, seek out practical solutions to a changing society's attitudes to customs, traditions and authority structures. Your logical and orderly manner of dealing with these matters will result in permanent and carefully planned, but sweeping, reforms.
Neptune is in 10 Degrees Capricorn.
You, and your entire generation, will idealize work, practicality and the ability to attain reasonable goals. But, because you will also stress the need to be selfless and giving, you may find it difficult to attain your goals unless you have lowered your expectations on all fronts.
Pluto is in 12 Degrees Scorpio.
For your entire generation, this is a period of intense research and discovery in areas that were heretofore considered mysterious, remote or taboo. The root causes for many complex occurrences will be unearthed due to the intensity and thoroughness of the search.
N. Node is in 25 Degrees Aquarius.
As long as someone else (or a group or organization) appeals to your intellectual sensibilities, you'll try to ally yourself with them in some way. You may find that you always seem to get involved with many wide-ranging groups -- so much so that you find it difficult to fit them all into your busy schedule. Your many friends and acquaintances provide you with needed stimulation. You're loyal and fair-minded -- you try to spend time equally with all your friends, never concentrating on just one or two for any length of time. Although probably quite conservative yourself, you're attracted to those who are a bit offbeat or eccentric -- you enjoy watching their minds work.
August 10 1989
5:25 PM Time Zone is MDT
Salt Lake City, UT
Rising Sign is in 27 Degrees Sagittarius
You are known for being open, frank, outgoing and honest. At times, though, you are also blunt and quite indiscreet. Others have to learn not to take everything you say personally, because you usually do not mean any harm. You appreciate living your life in a straightforward and simple manner -- you dislike social niceties and consider them to be hindrances to real communication. You have lots and lots of energy and tend to become quite restless if you feel confined. You demand the freedom to do as you choose -- you must be self- directed or you feel trapped and anxious. With your abundant energy, you enjoy being outdoors, and you should be attracted to physical exercise or to those forms of sport which can help you burn off some of that excess energy. Very gregarious, you love to socialize -- your innate enthusiasm livens up any gathering.
Sun is in 18 Degrees Leo.
More than a bit of a showoff, you love to be the center of attention! But others do not usually mind because they tend to enjoy your genuine warmth and affection. Very spirited and willful, proud and self-important at times, you demand your own way. You are quite honest, however, and the respect of others is very important to you. You never compromise yourself and you pursue your goals with persistence and dedication. Your regal presence and demeanor draws you to positions of leadership and authority. But beware of being overly hardheaded, domineering, ostentatious or patronizing or you will lose the goodwill and admiration that you enjoy. Very theatrical, you live life on a grand scale wherever and whenever possible. Your strength and energy vitalizes those who come in contact with you.
Moon is in 02 Degrees Sagittarius.
An idealist, you prefer the grand, the beautiful, the good and the noble. You get very disappointed when your high expectations in life are not met. Very curious by nature, you enjoy traveling and learning about other peoples and cultures. Try to avoid your tendency to ignore the small but important details of living. You are independent and free, and you want others to be that way, too. Optimistic, buoyant and cheerful, others like to have you around. You have an incessant desire to learn as much as possible about metaphysics, religion, philosophy and any other broad, deep subject. Your life tends to be punctuated by bursts of energy and frenetic activity.
Mercury is in 09 Degrees Virgo.
Very thorough and efficient, you pay attention to the minor but important details of any project. You are a careful thinker who can learn complicated, intricate techniques. You are attracted to practical, useful skills and are probably good at working with your hands. You are very critical of yourself and others, sometimes too much so, and you get the reputation of being a nag or of being nit-picky. Your first reaction to any situation is to try to organize, classify and analyze everything!
Venus is in 21 Degrees Virgo.
You express your love and affection through selfless service to people or causes. You have a tendency to underestimate yourself and doubt your self-worth. This is very demeaning and should be avoided -- learn to love yourself as well as you do others. Your standards of perfection are very high -- you are attracted to relationships based on duty and responsibility. You are supercritical of yourself and others and, at times, prefer to be alone rather than deal with any imperfections in yourself or in those with whom you might relate.
Mars is in 04 Degrees Virgo.
Very careful and systematic, you pay great attention to details. You are always seeking perfection and sometimes get bogged down searching for the ultimate when adequacy would have been sufficient. You dislike abstractions, preferring whatever is practical, useful and demonstrable. You have a strong and enduring sense of personal responsibility, and you demand that others be as responsible and upright as you are. Very critical of yourself and others, sometimes you carry this too far and become overly intolerant of others and their right to choose their own lifestyles.
Jupiter is in 02 Degrees Cancer.
You must be emotionally secure in order to grow and develop. You are happiest when your family and community support and nourish you and boost your morale. Whether your childhood experiences of love and emotional dependability were positive or negative will set the tone for your emotional growth and stability as an adult. When you feel at ease with yourself, you are able to offer assistance to those who need a helping hand.
Saturn is in 08 Degrees Capricorn.
Very serious-minded and mature, you have the ability to take on responsibilities and to carry out important duties. You can also be trusted to be extremely practical and thrifty. A good organizer, you are the ideal one to be counted on to take a clearly defined project through to its logical conclusion. An achiever, you pride yourself on your ability to focus your attention totally on some worthy goal and then attain it.
Uranus is in 01 Degrees Capricorn.
You, and your peer group as well, seek out practical solutions to a changing society's attitudes to customs, traditions and authority structures. Your logical and orderly manner of dealing with these matters will result in permanent and carefully planned, but sweeping, reforms.
Neptune is in 10 Degrees Capricorn.
You, and your entire generation, will idealize work, practicality and the ability to attain reasonable goals. But, because you will also stress the need to be selfless and giving, you may find it difficult to attain your goals unless you have lowered your expectations on all fronts.
Pluto is in 12 Degrees Scorpio.
For your entire generation, this is a period of intense research and discovery in areas that were heretofore considered mysterious, remote or taboo. The root causes for many complex occurrences will be unearthed due to the intensity and thoroughness of the search.
N. Node is in 25 Degrees Aquarius.
As long as someone else (or a group or organization) appeals to your intellectual sensibilities, you'll try to ally yourself with them in some way. You may find that you always seem to get involved with many wide-ranging groups -- so much so that you find it difficult to fit them all into your busy schedule. Your many friends and acquaintances provide you with needed stimulation. You're loyal and fair-minded -- you try to spend time equally with all your friends, never concentrating on just one or two for any length of time. Although probably quite conservative yourself, you're attracted to those who are a bit offbeat or eccentric -- you enjoy watching their minds work.
Limeade
As I poured a few tablespoons of limejuice, a couple tablespoons of Natural Organic Maple Syrup, and a pinch of cayenne pepper into a water bottle, I said to my empty room, "My family is so weird."
The moment I decide I'm done studying for a test, a million pounds lift off my shoulders as if I've just put down my pencil and turned the in actual test. It's like when I hated Saturdays because the next was Sunday and the next day was Monday, which equaled school, and I could feel school's inevitable coming the second I opened my eyes Saturday morning. But opposite.
(11.16.7)
The moment I decide I'm done studying for a test, a million pounds lift off my shoulders as if I've just put down my pencil and turned the in actual test. It's like when I hated Saturdays because the next was Sunday and the next day was Monday, which equaled school, and I could feel school's inevitable coming the second I opened my eyes Saturday morning. But opposite.
(11.16.7)
Bye bye Hye
(WARNING: THIS BLOG IS NOT SHORT, LIKE SOME PEOPLE (TYLER) LIKE)
It's my last night with my roommate, Hyesun. I'm scared. It's like moving in all over again. I was so worried about meeting my roommate when I was getting ready to come to college, and now I have to go through it once more, I think. I don't even know if I'm getting a new roommate. I could be by myself for the rest of the semester, which I wouldn't mind at all. The benefits of having the room to myself:
1. On Saturdays I can sleep for eternity without being woken by the moving about of a mate.
2. I won't have to turn down my music or put in my headphones every time my roommate walks in.
3. I can rearrange the room with the two beds are next to each other so my bed is suddenly giant! YES!!! I HADN'T EVEN THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE!!
4. I already don't talk much, and with no one here to talk to I won't feel guilty for it.
5. I take it back; I do talk a lot, but mostly to myself. Or I sing. But again, it's best to be alone for such activities.
6. I sleep talk. I know I do because I sometimes wake myself up doing it. Maybe that's why she's moving out. On the 2nd or 3rd day I asked her if I had been sleep talking but she just smiled and continued doing what she had been doing. She didn't understand English very well then.
7. There will be no secret battles over control of the thermostat. No losing battles, at that. She turns it up. She walks into the bathroom. I turn it down, slightly, so that maybe she won't notice. My temperature still goes up to 100 degrees so I leave for a bit because she likes the heat. I come back and it's off, but it smells like Christmas. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but Christmas in October was a little early. The only time I get the guts to turn it off while she's in the room is when she has fallen asleep. I'm brave then. I just want her to be comfortable, really. I don't want to be an annoying roommate that ruins her stay in the U.S. by freezing her brains out every day. Heh.
8. I can keep the light until I go to bed instead of being courteous by going by my lamp once my roomy goes to bed.
Conversation between Michelle Gilmore and me:
"Bill Clinton was at my school the other day."
"Really?"
"Yeah. But I wasn't there. Plus it was 50 bucks to get in. He was raisin' money for The Wife."
"Why, ' she have cancer or something?"
This is what BYU does to people.
Jk.
Today at the HC as I was eating a bowl of Lucky Charms and reading my book Tender Mercies, I overheard a group at the table behind me say "mission prep class" and "marriage prep class" so I listened for a minute. I like eavesdropping. I gathered from those terms that they were probably LDS. The conversation ended up being quite boring so I tuned them out again and went back to my book. (Side note: It's odd that I even heard them say those words. When I'm reading I tune out everything around me. But of course, if someone said "Jessie" or "Megan" I would hear it. (Megan is the name a boy on my floor calls me, just because he thinks I look more like a Megan.) But I had been tuning out their entire conversation until suddenly my brain registered the LDS terms. It's weird what my brain chooses to hear.) Back to the moment of tuning back into my book after hearing boring conversation: After finishing my bowl of Lucky Charms I got up to bring the bowl to the revolving rack. I looked at the table whose conversation I had heard. I wouldn't have guessed they were LDS. Not that they appeared not to be, necessarily, but I thought I was getting better at determining who was and who wasn't based off of looks, like a lot of out of statesmen can do. So now I'm curious. I want to know specific things those people look at/for to determine whether or not someone is LDS. There's that Conference Talk by President Faust in which he talks about an experience where someone said there was "a light in their eyes," referring to the LDS people that person had met. But besides that vague idea I don't know how else to tell. Not that it matters in the least sense; it's not like I talk to the Mormons and not to anyone else. I don't even talk to the Mormons. Hah. I'm just curious.
I like the line in Across The Universe "Music is the only thing that makes sense anymore."
Another eavesdropping story: As I ate a bagel and read my book at the Union yesterday, I listened to a girl at the table in front of me. She was on the phone telling a funny story: The night before, she walked into her apartment/dorm/what not and shut the door. As she turned around, her roommate or someone in the room gasped and a half a second later the girl was hit in the head and shoulder by the TV. It fell off of whatever it was sitting on and had probably been inching toward the edge every time the door shut. To make it even sadder/funnier, on top of the TV had been a multiple cactuses, and as the TV fell, they fell. These cactuses attacked the girl and she spent the next 30 minutes having cactus needles pulled out of her face, even her eyelids! by her roommates. Funny huh! And sad, of course. But she said the TV still works fine and she didn't seem to have any brain damage or anything, so I deem it mostly funny.
Seeing a happy couple makes me happy and sad. I just hate the fact that almost any given couple has probably fought or will probably fight at some point. In fact, one of them if not both will probably cry because of it. And that makes me feel really, really bad. I don't like seeing them so happy and picturing one yelling at the other, or one crying silently while the other sits and watches not knowing how to fix what has happened. I want them to be happy. Everyone in the world cries. It's terrible. I wish I could befriend every crying person and make him or her laugh just once. I hate hate hate being sad, and hate seeing other people sad. I would say I hate the very emotion, but without feeling extreme sadness, I wouldn't feel extreme happiness. So I'm grateful for it, as much as I hate it.
What a pleasant surprise! In front of my clock is an open pack of Orbit gum. When I looked at the time it read 2:35 and I thought, "bloody, I have class in 5 hours." But then I looked again and saw the tip of a 1 above the Orbit pack! It's only 12:35! Class isn't for 7 hours! Sweet mother of Abraham Lincoln, I'm going to bed.
11.13.7 (well, 11.14.7 technically)
It's my last night with my roommate, Hyesun. I'm scared. It's like moving in all over again. I was so worried about meeting my roommate when I was getting ready to come to college, and now I have to go through it once more, I think. I don't even know if I'm getting a new roommate. I could be by myself for the rest of the semester, which I wouldn't mind at all. The benefits of having the room to myself:
1. On Saturdays I can sleep for eternity without being woken by the moving about of a mate.
2. I won't have to turn down my music or put in my headphones every time my roommate walks in.
3. I can rearrange the room with the two beds are next to each other so my bed is suddenly giant! YES!!! I HADN'T EVEN THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE!!
4. I already don't talk much, and with no one here to talk to I won't feel guilty for it.
5. I take it back; I do talk a lot, but mostly to myself. Or I sing. But again, it's best to be alone for such activities.
6. I sleep talk. I know I do because I sometimes wake myself up doing it. Maybe that's why she's moving out. On the 2nd or 3rd day I asked her if I had been sleep talking but she just smiled and continued doing what she had been doing. She didn't understand English very well then.
7. There will be no secret battles over control of the thermostat. No losing battles, at that. She turns it up. She walks into the bathroom. I turn it down, slightly, so that maybe she won't notice. My temperature still goes up to 100 degrees so I leave for a bit because she likes the heat. I come back and it's off, but it smells like Christmas. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but Christmas in October was a little early. The only time I get the guts to turn it off while she's in the room is when she has fallen asleep. I'm brave then. I just want her to be comfortable, really. I don't want to be an annoying roommate that ruins her stay in the U.S. by freezing her brains out every day. Heh.
8. I can keep the light until I go to bed instead of being courteous by going by my lamp once my roomy goes to bed.
Conversation between Michelle Gilmore and me:
"Bill Clinton was at my school the other day."
"Really?"
"Yeah. But I wasn't there. Plus it was 50 bucks to get in. He was raisin' money for The Wife."
"Why, ' she have cancer or something?"
This is what BYU does to people.
Jk.
Today at the HC as I was eating a bowl of Lucky Charms and reading my book Tender Mercies, I overheard a group at the table behind me say "mission prep class" and "marriage prep class" so I listened for a minute. I like eavesdropping. I gathered from those terms that they were probably LDS. The conversation ended up being quite boring so I tuned them out again and went back to my book. (Side note: It's odd that I even heard them say those words. When I'm reading I tune out everything around me. But of course, if someone said "Jessie" or "Megan" I would hear it. (Megan is the name a boy on my floor calls me, just because he thinks I look more like a Megan.) But I had been tuning out their entire conversation until suddenly my brain registered the LDS terms. It's weird what my brain chooses to hear.) Back to the moment of tuning back into my book after hearing boring conversation: After finishing my bowl of Lucky Charms I got up to bring the bowl to the revolving rack. I looked at the table whose conversation I had heard. I wouldn't have guessed they were LDS. Not that they appeared not to be, necessarily, but I thought I was getting better at determining who was and who wasn't based off of looks, like a lot of out of statesmen can do. So now I'm curious. I want to know specific things those people look at/for to determine whether or not someone is LDS. There's that Conference Talk by President Faust in which he talks about an experience where someone said there was "a light in their eyes," referring to the LDS people that person had met. But besides that vague idea I don't know how else to tell. Not that it matters in the least sense; it's not like I talk to the Mormons and not to anyone else. I don't even talk to the Mormons. Hah. I'm just curious.
I like the line in Across The Universe "Music is the only thing that makes sense anymore."
Another eavesdropping story: As I ate a bagel and read my book at the Union yesterday, I listened to a girl at the table in front of me. She was on the phone telling a funny story: The night before, she walked into her apartment/dorm/what not and shut the door. As she turned around, her roommate or someone in the room gasped and a half a second later the girl was hit in the head and shoulder by the TV. It fell off of whatever it was sitting on and had probably been inching toward the edge every time the door shut. To make it even sadder/funnier, on top of the TV had been a multiple cactuses, and as the TV fell, they fell. These cactuses attacked the girl and she spent the next 30 minutes having cactus needles pulled out of her face, even her eyelids! by her roommates. Funny huh! And sad, of course. But she said the TV still works fine and she didn't seem to have any brain damage or anything, so I deem it mostly funny.
Seeing a happy couple makes me happy and sad. I just hate the fact that almost any given couple has probably fought or will probably fight at some point. In fact, one of them if not both will probably cry because of it. And that makes me feel really, really bad. I don't like seeing them so happy and picturing one yelling at the other, or one crying silently while the other sits and watches not knowing how to fix what has happened. I want them to be happy. Everyone in the world cries. It's terrible. I wish I could befriend every crying person and make him or her laugh just once. I hate hate hate being sad, and hate seeing other people sad. I would say I hate the very emotion, but without feeling extreme sadness, I wouldn't feel extreme happiness. So I'm grateful for it, as much as I hate it.
What a pleasant surprise! In front of my clock is an open pack of Orbit gum. When I looked at the time it read 2:35 and I thought, "bloody, I have class in 5 hours." But then I looked again and saw the tip of a 1 above the Orbit pack! It's only 12:35! Class isn't for 7 hours! Sweet mother of Abraham Lincoln, I'm going to bed.
11.13.7 (well, 11.14.7 technically)
Books
(11.12.7)
Books I have read, as much as I can remember. But it keeps growing.
1. 1984 by George Orwell
2. A Series of Unfortunate Events books 1-8 by Lemony Snicket
3. A Star In Winter by Anita Stansfield
4. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
5. Animal Farm by George Orwell
6. Angles and Demons by Dan Brown
7. The Anthem by Ayn Rand
8. The Battle for the Castle by Elizabeth Winthrop
9. Best Enemies by Jane Heller
10. Beezus and Ramona by Beverly Cleary
11. The BFG by Roald Dahl
12. Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott
13. The Borrowers by Mary Norton
14. The Boxcar Children by Gertrude Chandler Warner
15. The Boys Start the War by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
16. Caddie Woodlawn by Carol Ryrie Brink
17. The Castle in the Attic by Elizabeth Winthrop
18. The Chocolate Touch by Patrick Skene Catling
19. The Chosen by Chaim Potok
20. The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
21. Crash by Jerry Spinelli
22. Cricket in Times Square by George Selden
23. The Crucible by Arthur Miller
24. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon
25. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
26. Dear Mr. Henshaw by Beverly Cleary
27. Death of A Salesman by Arthur Miller
28. Drowning Ruth by Christina Schwarz
29. Eenie, Meanie, Murphy, NO! by Colleen O'Shaughnessy McKenna
30. Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine
31. The Eyes of the Amaryllis by Natalie Babbitt
32. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
33. Frankenstein by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
34. The Girl Who Owned a City by O. T. Nelson
35. The Giver by Lois Lowry
36. The Great Brain by John D. Fitzgerald
37. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
38. Grendel by John Gardner
39. Hamlet by William Shakespeare
40. Harry Potter 1-6 by J.K. Rowling
41. Henry Huggins by Beverly Cleary
42. The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien
43. Holes by Lois Sachar
44. How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
45. Indian in the Cupboard by Lynne Reid Banks
46. Inkheart by Cornelia Caroline Funke
47. Island of the Blue Dolphin by Scott O'Dell
48. Jacob's Rescue by Malka Drucker
49. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
50. Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare
51. Life of Pi by Yann Martel
52. Lily's Crossing by Patricia Reilly Giff
53. Little House on the Prairie series by Laura Ingalls Wilder
54. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
55. Lord of the Flies by William Golding
56. Macbeth by Williams Shakespeare
57. Megan's Island by Willo Davis Roberts
58. Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH by Robert C O'Brien
59. My Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George
60. Number the Stars by Lois Lowry
61. The Odyssey by Homer
62. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
63. Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
64. On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
65. Our Town by Thorton Wilder
66. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
67. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
68. Ramona by Beverly Cleary
69. Redwall series by Brian Jacques
70. Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare
71. Sarah, Plain and Tall by Patricia MacLachlan
72. The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
73. The Secret of NIMH by Robert C O'Brien
74. A Separate Peace by John Knowles
75. Shane by Jack Schaefer
76. Shiloh by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
77. Sideways Stories from Wayside School by Lois Sachar
78. Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli
79. Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites by Chris Heimerdinger
80. There's a Boy in the Girls' Bathroom by Lois Sachar
81. To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
82. Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson
83. The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle
84. Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt
85. Under the Blood-Red Sun by Graham Salisbury
86. Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech
87. Wayside School is Falling Down by Lois Sachar
88. The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin
89. Where the Heart Leads by Anita Stansfield
90. Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls
91. The Witches by Roald Dahl
92. The Wringer by Jerry Spinelli
Books I want to read
1. I Am the Cheese by Robert Cormier
2. The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver
3. Hard Laughter by Anne Lamott
4. Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs
5. The Power of Limits by György Doczi
6. Ways of Seeing by John Berger
7. The Shape of Content by Ben Shahn
8. Down the Highway: The Life of Bob Dylan by Howard Sounes
9. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
10. Seabiscuit by Laura Hillenbrand
11. Inkspell by Cornelia Funke
12. The Secret Life of Bees by S. Kidd
13. Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie
14. The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger
15. On the Road by Jack Kerouac
16. This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald
17. Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs
18. Walden by Henry David Thoreau
19. The Stranger by Albert Camus
20. The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
21. Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt
22. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
23. The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
24. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
25. My Name is Asher Lev by Chaim Potok
26. The Promise by Chaim Potok
27. Eragon by Christopher Paolini
28. Eldest by Christopher Paolini
29. A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams
30. A Swiftly Tilting Planet by Madeleine L'Engle
31. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
32. Taoism by Jennifer Oldstone-Moore
33. The Wisdom of the Taoists by D. Howard Smith
Books I have read, as much as I can remember. But it keeps growing.
1. 1984 by George Orwell
2. A Series of Unfortunate Events books 1-8 by Lemony Snicket
3. A Star In Winter by Anita Stansfield
4. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
5. Animal Farm by George Orwell
6. Angles and Demons by Dan Brown
7. The Anthem by Ayn Rand
8. The Battle for the Castle by Elizabeth Winthrop
9. Best Enemies by Jane Heller
10. Beezus and Ramona by Beverly Cleary
11. The BFG by Roald Dahl
12. Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott
13. The Borrowers by Mary Norton
14. The Boxcar Children by Gertrude Chandler Warner
15. The Boys Start the War by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
16. Caddie Woodlawn by Carol Ryrie Brink
17. The Castle in the Attic by Elizabeth Winthrop
18. The Chocolate Touch by Patrick Skene Catling
19. The Chosen by Chaim Potok
20. The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
21. Crash by Jerry Spinelli
22. Cricket in Times Square by George Selden
23. The Crucible by Arthur Miller
24. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon
25. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
26. Dear Mr. Henshaw by Beverly Cleary
27. Death of A Salesman by Arthur Miller
28. Drowning Ruth by Christina Schwarz
29. Eenie, Meanie, Murphy, NO! by Colleen O'Shaughnessy McKenna
30. Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine
31. The Eyes of the Amaryllis by Natalie Babbitt
32. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
33. Frankenstein by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
34. The Girl Who Owned a City by O. T. Nelson
35. The Giver by Lois Lowry
36. The Great Brain by John D. Fitzgerald
37. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
38. Grendel by John Gardner
39. Hamlet by William Shakespeare
40. Harry Potter 1-6 by J.K. Rowling
41. Henry Huggins by Beverly Cleary
42. The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien
43. Holes by Lois Sachar
44. How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
45. Indian in the Cupboard by Lynne Reid Banks
46. Inkheart by Cornelia Caroline Funke
47. Island of the Blue Dolphin by Scott O'Dell
48. Jacob's Rescue by Malka Drucker
49. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
50. Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare
51. Life of Pi by Yann Martel
52. Lily's Crossing by Patricia Reilly Giff
53. Little House on the Prairie series by Laura Ingalls Wilder
54. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
55. Lord of the Flies by William Golding
56. Macbeth by Williams Shakespeare
57. Megan's Island by Willo Davis Roberts
58. Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH by Robert C O'Brien
59. My Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George
60. Number the Stars by Lois Lowry
61. The Odyssey by Homer
62. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
63. Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
64. On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
65. Our Town by Thorton Wilder
66. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
67. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
68. Ramona by Beverly Cleary
69. Redwall series by Brian Jacques
70. Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare
71. Sarah, Plain and Tall by Patricia MacLachlan
72. The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
73. The Secret of NIMH by Robert C O'Brien
74. A Separate Peace by John Knowles
75. Shane by Jack Schaefer
76. Shiloh by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
77. Sideways Stories from Wayside School by Lois Sachar
78. Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli
79. Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites by Chris Heimerdinger
80. There's a Boy in the Girls' Bathroom by Lois Sachar
81. To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
82. Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson
83. The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle
84. Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt
85. Under the Blood-Red Sun by Graham Salisbury
86. Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech
87. Wayside School is Falling Down by Lois Sachar
88. The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin
89. Where the Heart Leads by Anita Stansfield
90. Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls
91. The Witches by Roald Dahl
92. The Wringer by Jerry Spinelli
Books I want to read
1. I Am the Cheese by Robert Cormier
2. The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver
3. Hard Laughter by Anne Lamott
4. Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs
5. The Power of Limits by György Doczi
6. Ways of Seeing by John Berger
7. The Shape of Content by Ben Shahn
8. Down the Highway: The Life of Bob Dylan by Howard Sounes
9. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
10. Seabiscuit by Laura Hillenbrand
11. Inkspell by Cornelia Funke
12. The Secret Life of Bees by S. Kidd
13. Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie
14. The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger
15. On the Road by Jack Kerouac
16. This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald
17. Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs
18. Walden by Henry David Thoreau
19. The Stranger by Albert Camus
20. The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
21. Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt
22. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
23. The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
24. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
25. My Name is Asher Lev by Chaim Potok
26. The Promise by Chaim Potok
27. Eragon by Christopher Paolini
28. Eldest by Christopher Paolini
29. A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams
30. A Swiftly Tilting Planet by Madeleine L'Engle
31. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
32. Taoism by Jennifer Oldstone-Moore
33. The Wisdom of the Taoists by D. Howard Smith
Emo
One of my best friends cuts me down more than anyone in this world. I often leave them feeling like a piece of crap. Amazing isn't it? How at 2:30 I can be having a grand time, feeling included and loved, accepted and important, then by 7:00 I want to move to New York and never see anyone I love ever again. I want to climb in a box with a million books and a reading light and some water bottles and never have to do anything for the rest of my life. I want to live through characters in books and never have to think for myself. When I do I get destroyed. I have no idea what I'm ever ever ever talking about and should never open my mouth again. "Silence is knowledge and knowledge is power." Why do I try caring about anything or anyone? It never works. I wish I was thirty and flirty and thriving. I wish my list of friends was longer than my list of things I hate about myself. What the hell. I hate everyone. I hate myself. I hate that I'm emo. But I'm not. If I were emo, this would be normal. But I'm not emo, so this is not normal. There is only one person in this world that could make me feel better but at the moment I feel like never ever ever seeing or speaking to this person again. Why is that? I wish I could trade places with someone I know. She's perfect. Completely perfect. Ugh. Emo emo emo. It feels so good to be emo.
(11.11.7)
(11.11.7)
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Mood Notes Results
For 10 days, I paid special attention to my mood. When I was feeling extremely happy or extremely sad, I'd try to remember to pull out my note book and write down what had happened that day that was influencing my those emotions. I now have a list of 73 things that made me feel extremely happy and 25 things that made me feel extremely sad. I took these lists and translated each event into a general idea, and then grouped each idea into an even broader idea. So from my list of 73 and 25, I came up with a list of 9 and 6.
Things that affect my mood in a positive way (in order, to an extent):
Attention attention attention. Especially positive laughter aimed at me.
Feeling like I belong to a group, and more so contribute to it.
Feeling carefree.
Spending time with strengthening ties with already established friends
Being organized with space and time.
Seen in positive light/complimented
Being productive on my own for my own betterment.
Taking care of my body physically.
Art, both visual art and music. Nature
Things that affect my mood in a negative way (also in order, somewhat):
Feeling excluded/rejected
Being put down by someone I love
Thinking about past friends/love sickness
Being irresponsible
Comparing self to others
Hearing bad news
This might look dumb or predictable, but I honestly don't think I would have been able to write these had I not taken mood note, sometimes more than once a day. I just wanted to have a better idea of what affects my mood in what way. It was a really interesting project. Try it.
11.8.7
Things that affect my mood in a positive way (in order, to an extent):
Attention attention attention. Especially positive laughter aimed at me.
Feeling like I belong to a group, and more so contribute to it.
Feeling carefree.
Spending time with strengthening ties with already established friends
Being organized with space and time.
Seen in positive light/complimented
Being productive on my own for my own betterment.
Taking care of my body physically.
Art, both visual art and music. Nature
Things that affect my mood in a negative way (also in order, somewhat):
Feeling excluded/rejected
Being put down by someone I love
Thinking about past friends/love sickness
Being irresponsible
Comparing self to others
Hearing bad news
This might look dumb or predictable, but I honestly don't think I would have been able to write these had I not taken mood note, sometimes more than once a day. I just wanted to have a better idea of what affects my mood in what way. It was a really interesting project. Try it.
11.8.7
My Thoughts on "Indie"
This blog consists of my thoughts and opinions only. Feel free to disagree. But if you are going to disagree, you have to first read the whole thing. You can't just say, "You can't define indie, loser," like my dear brother Jared will say. It's a long blog, but stick with it.
Indie is "Independent."
Indie kids listen to indie music- music independent of major labels/mainstream stuff.
Indies are also independent of caring what others think of them. For example:
A couple weeks ago I passed a girl wearing a Phantom of the Opera sweater. She walked with her hips swinging but her pelvis pushed forward. It immediately reminded me of a girl from my hometown named Megan Olsen. She walked the same way, and most likely had the same sweater. It was a very show-offy way of walking. I can't quiet describe it, but if you know Megan, you know what I'm talking about. Anyways, as I watched her, my thought process went like this: She looks like a super lame theater person. The way she's walking… As I walk, I think about the environment around me- how I relate to it and how it is affecting what I do and what I think about. As she walks, she thinks about how what she does and what she thinks is affecting the environment around her. I also had the thought that if she and I were both suddenly thrown into a world of white (like on the commercials where they have a red couch sitting in what appears to be a white universe, or in The Matrix when they are training or downloading knowledge, they start in a white room with no walls or end), 2 separate worlds, that is, with no one and nothing but ourselves to keep us company, I would enjoy it and she would go insane. Already I exist mostly for myself alone. What I'm doing on a day-to-day basis is for my own good and not necessarily for the good of anyone else, at this point in time. I exist for myself. But I think she lives off of what others are thinking or saying about her, or at least what she thinks others are thinking or saying about her. In the white world, she wouldn't have the popular culture to tell her how to live. Her life is a performance. She's always on stage. She thinks there is always an audience. She thinks this audience either likes or dislikes her character based off of what they see her do, and she really wants them to like her, so she'll do what is expected. She wants to read good reviews on her life. She is always thinking about what her audience thinks of her. She's always thinking how she can live so that she has constant approval.
An indie kid is independent of this audience. Indies do what makes them happy. And yes, most people strive to do what makes them happiest, but indies tend to do best at ignoring the influence of society. Do you see? They are independent of the opinions of outsiders. They know that people are watching them and are judging them and might want them to change or act in a certain way, but they choose to ignore those opinions and instead do what makes them happiest. This is why indies are often quite happy.
Indies are often quite happy. A, because they choose to be independent of the influence of outside opinions, and B, because they do what makes them happiest. This often seems to include but is not limited to:
1. Listening to music, and indie music at that. Indie music is also often quite happy, and happy music makes happy listeners.
2. Reading. Reading classics, reading children's fantasy books, reading political books, reading philosophy books, reading biographies, reading the newspaper, reading reading reading.
3. Gaining knowledge. I think idies like to know what is going on around them and to have opinions it. I think they feel it important to contribute to society, even if only by being more aware of it. So indies like to know stuff. They read the newspaper. They go to college and are serious about their studies. They look up things on wikipedia. They discuss things. They have opinions on many, many things. But they don't force opinions on others. They just know it is important to have their own.
4. Being artsy. Indies usually enjoy the arts. Indies spend a lot of time thinking to themselves, and this usually results in trying to put their thoughts, ideas, and/or feelings into a physically audible or visible dimension like music, dance, photography, painting, drawing, building, writing, etc.
One last thing- Indie is the opposite of Emo. Indie kids are always doing something or going somewhere or thinking about something or being productive in some way shape or form. Emo kids often do nothing but think about how crappy the world is. While indies don't have time to think/care about what others think of them, Emos do nothing but sit around and think about what others do or say against them.
Indies are awesome. The end.
11.7.7
Indie is "Independent."
Indie kids listen to indie music- music independent of major labels/mainstream stuff.
Indies are also independent of caring what others think of them. For example:
A couple weeks ago I passed a girl wearing a Phantom of the Opera sweater. She walked with her hips swinging but her pelvis pushed forward. It immediately reminded me of a girl from my hometown named Megan Olsen. She walked the same way, and most likely had the same sweater. It was a very show-offy way of walking. I can't quiet describe it, but if you know Megan, you know what I'm talking about. Anyways, as I watched her, my thought process went like this: She looks like a super lame theater person. The way she's walking… As I walk, I think about the environment around me- how I relate to it and how it is affecting what I do and what I think about. As she walks, she thinks about how what she does and what she thinks is affecting the environment around her. I also had the thought that if she and I were both suddenly thrown into a world of white (like on the commercials where they have a red couch sitting in what appears to be a white universe, or in The Matrix when they are training or downloading knowledge, they start in a white room with no walls or end), 2 separate worlds, that is, with no one and nothing but ourselves to keep us company, I would enjoy it and she would go insane. Already I exist mostly for myself alone. What I'm doing on a day-to-day basis is for my own good and not necessarily for the good of anyone else, at this point in time. I exist for myself. But I think she lives off of what others are thinking or saying about her, or at least what she thinks others are thinking or saying about her. In the white world, she wouldn't have the popular culture to tell her how to live. Her life is a performance. She's always on stage. She thinks there is always an audience. She thinks this audience either likes or dislikes her character based off of what they see her do, and she really wants them to like her, so she'll do what is expected. She wants to read good reviews on her life. She is always thinking about what her audience thinks of her. She's always thinking how she can live so that she has constant approval.
An indie kid is independent of this audience. Indies do what makes them happy. And yes, most people strive to do what makes them happiest, but indies tend to do best at ignoring the influence of society. Do you see? They are independent of the opinions of outsiders. They know that people are watching them and are judging them and might want them to change or act in a certain way, but they choose to ignore those opinions and instead do what makes them happiest. This is why indies are often quite happy.
Indies are often quite happy. A, because they choose to be independent of the influence of outside opinions, and B, because they do what makes them happiest. This often seems to include but is not limited to:
1. Listening to music, and indie music at that. Indie music is also often quite happy, and happy music makes happy listeners.
2. Reading. Reading classics, reading children's fantasy books, reading political books, reading philosophy books, reading biographies, reading the newspaper, reading reading reading.
3. Gaining knowledge. I think idies like to know what is going on around them and to have opinions it. I think they feel it important to contribute to society, even if only by being more aware of it. So indies like to know stuff. They read the newspaper. They go to college and are serious about their studies. They look up things on wikipedia. They discuss things. They have opinions on many, many things. But they don't force opinions on others. They just know it is important to have their own.
4. Being artsy. Indies usually enjoy the arts. Indies spend a lot of time thinking to themselves, and this usually results in trying to put their thoughts, ideas, and/or feelings into a physically audible or visible dimension like music, dance, photography, painting, drawing, building, writing, etc.
One last thing- Indie is the opposite of Emo. Indie kids are always doing something or going somewhere or thinking about something or being productive in some way shape or form. Emo kids often do nothing but think about how crappy the world is. While indies don't have time to think/care about what others think of them, Emos do nothing but sit around and think about what others do or say against them.
Indies are awesome. The end.
11.7.7
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Scientists Alter Sexual Orientation in Worms
SCIENTISTS ALTER SEXUAL ORIENTATION IN WORMS
Same-Sex Attraction is Genetically Wired in Nematode's Brain
Media Contacts
Oct. 25, 2007 - University of Utah biologists genetically manipulated nematode worms so the animals were attracted to worms of the same sex - part of a study that shows sexual orientation is wired in the creatures' brains.
"They look like girls, but act and think like boys," says Jamie White, a postdoctoral researcher and first author of the new study. "The [same-sex attraction] behavior is part of the nervous system."
The study was published online Thursday, Oct. 25 in Current Biology, and will run in the journal's Nov. 6 print edition.
"The conclusion is that sexual attraction is wired into brain circuits common to both sexes of worms, and is not caused solely by extra nerve cells added to the male or female brain," says laboratory leader and biology Professor Erik Jorgensen, scientific director of the Brain Institute at the University of Utah and an investigator with the Howard Hughes Medical Institute.
"The reason males and females behave differently is that the same nerve cells have been rewired to alter sexual preference," he adds. "Our conclusions are narrow in that they are about worms and how attraction behaviors are derived from the same brain circuit. But an evolutionary biologist will consider this to be a potentially common mechanism for sexual attraction."
"We cannot say what this means for human sexual orientation, but it raises the possibility that sexual preference is wired in the brain," Jorgensen says. "Humans are subject to evolutionary forces just like worms. It seems possible that if sexual orientation is genetically wired in worms, it would be in people too. Humans have free will, so the picture is more complicated in people."
White and Jorgensen conducted the study with technician Jeff Gritton and three University of Utah biology undergraduates: Thomas Nicholas, Long Truong and Eliott Davidson. The study was funded primarily by the National Science Foundation.
The Rules of Attraction - for Worms
Nematodes, or C. elegans, are millimeter-long (one twenty-fifth of an inch) worms that live in soil and eat bacteria. Because the same genes are found in many animals, nematodes, mice, zebrafish and fruit flies often are used as "models" for humans in research.
Nematode worms lack eyes, so attraction is based only on the sense of smell. There are no true females and only one in 500 nematodes is male. Most are hermaphrodites, with both male and female organs. Jorgensen and White loosely refer to hermaphrodites as females because they produce offspring.
"A hermaphrodite makes both eggs and sperm," Jorgensen says. "She doesn't need to mate [with a male] to have progeny," but can fertilize her own eggs. "Most of the time, the hermaphrodites do not mate. But if they mate, instead of having 200 progeny, they can have 1,200 progeny."
Nematodes are few and far between in soil. So natural selection favored hermaphroditic worms because when they found an abundant food source, they were able to feast and make babies even if no males were nearby, Jorgensen says.
Male nematodes must find hermaphrodites if they are to reproduce, and they find them by smelling their sex-attractant odors or pheromones.
The Mind of a Worm is Sexualized
Jorgensen says the study looked at three possibilities, namely, whether male attraction to hermaphrodites results from:
Four "accessory" or extra smell-related nerve cells named CEM neurons that are found only in male brains. The worms gain these neurons during their version of puberty, their fourth larval stage.
Four "core" or basic smell-related nerve cells - two named AWC and two named AWA - found in both males and hermaphrodites.
Both the accessory and core neurons.
The answer was that male attraction involves the combination of both accessory and core nerve cells. The involvement of the core neurons was a surprise.
"We thought the extra CEM neurons provided sexual preference" because fourth-stage males are not attracted to hermaphrodites but adult males are, Jorgensen says. "We found instead that the brain - which is the same in young males and hermaphrodites - is rewired during the worm equivalent of puberty - the fourth larval stage - to make the males attracted to hermaphrodites."
"What we show is that the shared nervous system [common between male and hermaphrodite] is broadly sexualized," and sexual attraction can be changed by essentially flipping a genetic switch in that common brain, he adds.
The study involved these key experiments:
The researchers used laser microsurgery to kill the male-only CEM neurons in young larval males. The resulting adult males still were attracted to hermaphrodites.
That suggests the core neurons - brain cells common to both the male and hermaphrodite brain - are sexualized, and that the extra CEM nerve cells found only in males are not necessary for sexual attraction even though they normally play a role in it.
The biologists zapped eight different kinds of nerve cells involved in the sense of smell and taste: the four kinds of CEM neurons found only in males and four kinds of core neurons (AWA and AWC) also found in hermaphrodites. If any of the eight types of neurons was damaged in adult males, attraction was impaired. But when the nerve cells were zapped before puberty in fourth-stage larvae, they grew into adults with normal attraction to hermaphrodites. That shows "the nervous system can compensate for lost neurons as it goes through puberty," Jorgensen says.
"Normally there are eight sensory neurons in nematodes," says White. "You can take away seven of the eight prior to sexual maturation, and as long as there is one left, he can still be sexually attracted. ... Why would an organism that has only 383 nerve cells use eight of them for sexual attraction? It must be that the behavior is very important. There is redundancy. The system is flexible."
Next, "we took the hermaphrodite brain and we activated the genes that determine maleness," but only in the brain and not in the rest of the worm, Jorgensen says. Hermaphrodites with masculine brains "were attracted to other hermaphrodites."
The results show sexual orientation is wired into the brain in both sexes of worm.
To masculinize the brains of hermaphroditic worms, the researchers activated a gene named fem-3, but only in the nervous system. The fem-3 gene makes the body develop male structures such as a tail, which male worms use for copulation. With the gene active only in the brain, the hermaphrodites still had the same bodies and genitalia, but their brains were male, so they were attracted to other hermaphrodites.
To demonstrate the hermaphrodites produce sexual attractants or pheromones, the researchers washed hermaphrodites, and put some of the wash water on agar, a jelly-like growth medium, in a culture dish. When worms were placed on the dish, males moved toward the hermaphrodite wash water while hermaphrodites moved away.
When the scientists genetically altered hermaphrodites' brains to change their sexual orientation, they crawled toward the pheromones of other hermaphrodites.
"People debate whether the brain is influenced by sexual hormones from the gonads or whether the behavior is derived from the brain alone," Jorgensen says. "In this case, it's clear the brain is sexualized. ... The surprise was that sensory neurons found in the hermaphrodite brain are involved in sexual attraction in males."
This news release and downloadable high-resolution photos are at: http://www.unews.utah.edu/p/?r=101207-1
Same-Sex Attraction is Genetically Wired in Nematode's Brain
Media Contacts
Oct. 25, 2007 - University of Utah biologists genetically manipulated nematode worms so the animals were attracted to worms of the same sex - part of a study that shows sexual orientation is wired in the creatures' brains.
"They look like girls, but act and think like boys," says Jamie White, a postdoctoral researcher and first author of the new study. "The [same-sex attraction] behavior is part of the nervous system."
The study was published online Thursday, Oct. 25 in Current Biology, and will run in the journal's Nov. 6 print edition.
"The conclusion is that sexual attraction is wired into brain circuits common to both sexes of worms, and is not caused solely by extra nerve cells added to the male or female brain," says laboratory leader and biology Professor Erik Jorgensen, scientific director of the Brain Institute at the University of Utah and an investigator with the Howard Hughes Medical Institute.
"The reason males and females behave differently is that the same nerve cells have been rewired to alter sexual preference," he adds. "Our conclusions are narrow in that they are about worms and how attraction behaviors are derived from the same brain circuit. But an evolutionary biologist will consider this to be a potentially common mechanism for sexual attraction."
"We cannot say what this means for human sexual orientation, but it raises the possibility that sexual preference is wired in the brain," Jorgensen says. "Humans are subject to evolutionary forces just like worms. It seems possible that if sexual orientation is genetically wired in worms, it would be in people too. Humans have free will, so the picture is more complicated in people."
White and Jorgensen conducted the study with technician Jeff Gritton and three University of Utah biology undergraduates: Thomas Nicholas, Long Truong and Eliott Davidson. The study was funded primarily by the National Science Foundation.
The Rules of Attraction - for Worms
Nematodes, or C. elegans, are millimeter-long (one twenty-fifth of an inch) worms that live in soil and eat bacteria. Because the same genes are found in many animals, nematodes, mice, zebrafish and fruit flies often are used as "models" for humans in research.
Nematode worms lack eyes, so attraction is based only on the sense of smell. There are no true females and only one in 500 nematodes is male. Most are hermaphrodites, with both male and female organs. Jorgensen and White loosely refer to hermaphrodites as females because they produce offspring.
"A hermaphrodite makes both eggs and sperm," Jorgensen says. "She doesn't need to mate [with a male] to have progeny," but can fertilize her own eggs. "Most of the time, the hermaphrodites do not mate. But if they mate, instead of having 200 progeny, they can have 1,200 progeny."
Nematodes are few and far between in soil. So natural selection favored hermaphroditic worms because when they found an abundant food source, they were able to feast and make babies even if no males were nearby, Jorgensen says.
Male nematodes must find hermaphrodites if they are to reproduce, and they find them by smelling their sex-attractant odors or pheromones.
The Mind of a Worm is Sexualized
Jorgensen says the study looked at three possibilities, namely, whether male attraction to hermaphrodites results from:
Four "accessory" or extra smell-related nerve cells named CEM neurons that are found only in male brains. The worms gain these neurons during their version of puberty, their fourth larval stage.
Four "core" or basic smell-related nerve cells - two named AWC and two named AWA - found in both males and hermaphrodites.
Both the accessory and core neurons.
The answer was that male attraction involves the combination of both accessory and core nerve cells. The involvement of the core neurons was a surprise.
"We thought the extra CEM neurons provided sexual preference" because fourth-stage males are not attracted to hermaphrodites but adult males are, Jorgensen says. "We found instead that the brain - which is the same in young males and hermaphrodites - is rewired during the worm equivalent of puberty - the fourth larval stage - to make the males attracted to hermaphrodites."
"What we show is that the shared nervous system [common between male and hermaphrodite] is broadly sexualized," and sexual attraction can be changed by essentially flipping a genetic switch in that common brain, he adds.
The study involved these key experiments:
The researchers used laser microsurgery to kill the male-only CEM neurons in young larval males. The resulting adult males still were attracted to hermaphrodites.
That suggests the core neurons - brain cells common to both the male and hermaphrodite brain - are sexualized, and that the extra CEM nerve cells found only in males are not necessary for sexual attraction even though they normally play a role in it.
The biologists zapped eight different kinds of nerve cells involved in the sense of smell and taste: the four kinds of CEM neurons found only in males and four kinds of core neurons (AWA and AWC) also found in hermaphrodites. If any of the eight types of neurons was damaged in adult males, attraction was impaired. But when the nerve cells were zapped before puberty in fourth-stage larvae, they grew into adults with normal attraction to hermaphrodites. That shows "the nervous system can compensate for lost neurons as it goes through puberty," Jorgensen says.
"Normally there are eight sensory neurons in nematodes," says White. "You can take away seven of the eight prior to sexual maturation, and as long as there is one left, he can still be sexually attracted. ... Why would an organism that has only 383 nerve cells use eight of them for sexual attraction? It must be that the behavior is very important. There is redundancy. The system is flexible."
Next, "we took the hermaphrodite brain and we activated the genes that determine maleness," but only in the brain and not in the rest of the worm, Jorgensen says. Hermaphrodites with masculine brains "were attracted to other hermaphrodites."
The results show sexual orientation is wired into the brain in both sexes of worm.
To masculinize the brains of hermaphroditic worms, the researchers activated a gene named fem-3, but only in the nervous system. The fem-3 gene makes the body develop male structures such as a tail, which male worms use for copulation. With the gene active only in the brain, the hermaphrodites still had the same bodies and genitalia, but their brains were male, so they were attracted to other hermaphrodites.
To demonstrate the hermaphrodites produce sexual attractants or pheromones, the researchers washed hermaphrodites, and put some of the wash water on agar, a jelly-like growth medium, in a culture dish. When worms were placed on the dish, males moved toward the hermaphrodite wash water while hermaphrodites moved away.
When the scientists genetically altered hermaphrodites' brains to change their sexual orientation, they crawled toward the pheromones of other hermaphrodites.
"People debate whether the brain is influenced by sexual hormones from the gonads or whether the behavior is derived from the brain alone," Jorgensen says. "In this case, it's clear the brain is sexualized. ... The surprise was that sensory neurons found in the hermaphrodite brain are involved in sexual attraction in males."
This news release and downloadable high-resolution photos are at: http://www.unews.utah.edu/p/?r=101207-1
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Sporadic Thoughts
The Human body kind of grosses me out. Eating is gross. Drinking is ok, especially through a straw. But eating is disgusting. So is digestion and excretion. Bleh. Gross. I just hate watching people eat. I've seen very few people who are proper enough with food to not have it bother me. I bother me. I talk with food in my mouth, my face gets messy, etc. But I don't care. I only care that other people look not disgusting. Sex is gross, sweating is gross, zits are gross, drool is gross, leg hair and armpit hair is gross. Why can't we be made of metal or something?
Worst invention ever = the 3 in one handwasher/dryer found in the bathrooms down that hall. I insert my hands into the cave in the wall and soap squirts into my hands. Immediatly water comes exploding out, soaking the entire front of me for a good 10 to 12 seconds no matter how hard I try not to get wet, then the water turns off and the air comes on, but 70% of the time I still have soap on my hands. I have to put my hands into the cave next-door and dodge the soap then finish rinsing my hands, then I go back to the first cave til the dryer turns off then back to the second until it also turns off. My hands aren't even always dry. And there are no paper towels in there. Stupid, stupid invention.
Every time I miss a train or a bus, I have the odd feeling it doesn't exist. It only exists when I am involved. This is a very young, developing thought/idea so I am not going to expand quite yet.
Also, I started defining the term and group of people known as Indie yesterday. And I like what I have so far. This is also still developing so I'll save it for later.
I slept for probably 60-65% of Physics this morning. It gave me a headache because I slept awkwardly. I still felt like it was better to be there, sleeping, than to not be there at all.
I might go to France now. Instead of Italy. Because I don't know Italian. I'm excited and scared and anxious and nervous and worried but mostly excited.
I learned yesterday in ASL that the deaf culture is very blunt. I think the hearing culture should be more like that. It's probably healthy. When a hearing person sees an overweight person, we say, she's a little on the large side, or she's big for her age, or she's somewhat overweight, etc. When a deaf person sees an overweight person, he/she says, she's fat. It's a fact. There is no beating around the bush. Another example my teacher shared, He works somewhere with deaf people, and one day someone came in (I'm not sure if this person was deaf or hearing) and had a giant tooth or big gums or something very odd and noticible with his/her mouth. As this person assoiciated with hearing people, no one mentioned it. The first deaf person who talked to him/her though, immediatly said (or signed) "What's wrong with your mouth?"
It's amazing how we all have 2 eyes, a forehead, a nose, 2 nostrils, a mouth, teeth, cheeks, a chin, a jaw, and two ears, but everyone looks different. It's crazy! Blows my mind, really.
Ever since that nap in physics there has been a spot in my heart that hurts when I inhale really deeply. I feel like if I could inhale further it would pop, but I can't. It's physically impossible. Frustrating.
I think I'm done now. Thanks for listening.
Love Jessie
Worst invention ever = the 3 in one handwasher/dryer found in the bathrooms down that hall. I insert my hands into the cave in the wall and soap squirts into my hands. Immediatly water comes exploding out, soaking the entire front of me for a good 10 to 12 seconds no matter how hard I try not to get wet, then the water turns off and the air comes on, but 70% of the time I still have soap on my hands. I have to put my hands into the cave next-door and dodge the soap then finish rinsing my hands, then I go back to the first cave til the dryer turns off then back to the second until it also turns off. My hands aren't even always dry. And there are no paper towels in there. Stupid, stupid invention.
Every time I miss a train or a bus, I have the odd feeling it doesn't exist. It only exists when I am involved. This is a very young, developing thought/idea so I am not going to expand quite yet.
Also, I started defining the term and group of people known as Indie yesterday. And I like what I have so far. This is also still developing so I'll save it for later.
I slept for probably 60-65% of Physics this morning. It gave me a headache because I slept awkwardly. I still felt like it was better to be there, sleeping, than to not be there at all.
I might go to France now. Instead of Italy. Because I don't know Italian. I'm excited and scared and anxious and nervous and worried but mostly excited.
I learned yesterday in ASL that the deaf culture is very blunt. I think the hearing culture should be more like that. It's probably healthy. When a hearing person sees an overweight person, we say, she's a little on the large side, or she's big for her age, or she's somewhat overweight, etc. When a deaf person sees an overweight person, he/she says, she's fat. It's a fact. There is no beating around the bush. Another example my teacher shared, He works somewhere with deaf people, and one day someone came in (I'm not sure if this person was deaf or hearing) and had a giant tooth or big gums or something very odd and noticible with his/her mouth. As this person assoiciated with hearing people, no one mentioned it. The first deaf person who talked to him/her though, immediatly said (or signed) "What's wrong with your mouth?"
It's amazing how we all have 2 eyes, a forehead, a nose, 2 nostrils, a mouth, teeth, cheeks, a chin, a jaw, and two ears, but everyone looks different. It's crazy! Blows my mind, really.
Ever since that nap in physics there has been a spot in my heart that hurts when I inhale really deeply. I feel like if I could inhale further it would pop, but I can't. It's physically impossible. Frustrating.
I think I'm done now. Thanks for listening.
Love Jessie
Monday, October 22, 2007
Dumb nothingness
It happened. We ran out of toilet paper today. I held it for a while, then realized there was a box of tissues sitting next to me. Dummy.
I bought 2 pens today. Not just pens, but felt tip pens with tiny tips- perfect for my small writing. I bought a black one and a red one. They make writing fun.
I can't function until I take a nap. I'm dying. brb.
I set an alarm on my phone that I wouldn't sleep more than 30 minutes or so, but of course didn't listen to it when it told me to wake up. I slept for a good hour and a half. That felt great.
Pointless, pointless blog. I feel like I have so much to say and no words to say it with.
I've successfully been taking mood-notes for the past 4 days. When I feel very good or very bad or very blah I write down what I have or havent done, who I have or haven't seen, what I've thought about, etc, sofar that day. Each different thing has a plus or minus sign by it, indicating if it was a positive happening or negative happening. I'm already seeing some patterns and it has only been 4 days. I'm excited to do this for another good 10 days or so, then to compile a list of the positives and a list of the negatives. This will help me realize what I do that makes me happy. Yes.
It's 8:03. I haven't done anything since Lunch. During that passing time I felt good about doing absolutely nothing, but now I wish I had done my physics, readings, and writings. Nothing is important for tomorrow, directly, but I know I should be doing it. Dang it. I haven't any motivation.
I'm sick of this blahg.
I bought 2 pens today. Not just pens, but felt tip pens with tiny tips- perfect for my small writing. I bought a black one and a red one. They make writing fun.
I can't function until I take a nap. I'm dying. brb.
I set an alarm on my phone that I wouldn't sleep more than 30 minutes or so, but of course didn't listen to it when it told me to wake up. I slept for a good hour and a half. That felt great.
Pointless, pointless blog. I feel like I have so much to say and no words to say it with.
I've successfully been taking mood-notes for the past 4 days. When I feel very good or very bad or very blah I write down what I have or havent done, who I have or haven't seen, what I've thought about, etc, sofar that day. Each different thing has a plus or minus sign by it, indicating if it was a positive happening or negative happening. I'm already seeing some patterns and it has only been 4 days. I'm excited to do this for another good 10 days or so, then to compile a list of the positives and a list of the negatives. This will help me realize what I do that makes me happy. Yes.
It's 8:03. I haven't done anything since Lunch. During that passing time I felt good about doing absolutely nothing, but now I wish I had done my physics, readings, and writings. Nothing is important for tomorrow, directly, but I know I should be doing it. Dang it. I haven't any motivation.
I'm sick of this blahg.
Physics (10.19.7)
I wrote a poem today. I don't write, really. And I especially don't write poems. But I did, just for fun. So don't make fun of me. It's called Physics
Physics
The magic white in your hand
scratching at the eternal scroll of black
brings you such pleasure and joy-
scribbling in caps 'til you reach the brick wall,
going crazy with that white in your hand.
I wish I could have some white for my hand
to write and scribble and write and scribble
until my face beams as bright as yours
with ultimate satisfaction and happiness.
It was better at 7:30 this morning.
Physics
The magic white in your hand
scratching at the eternal scroll of black
brings you such pleasure and joy-
scribbling in caps 'til you reach the brick wall,
going crazy with that white in your hand.
I wish I could have some white for my hand
to write and scribble and write and scribble
until my face beams as bright as yours
with ultimate satisfaction and happiness.
It was better at 7:30 this morning.
Mood Notes (10.18.7)
I am in a Really good mood right now. And I'm not sure why. As someone said in a blog, "i've been learning about myself for almost 19 years, and i still don't know what makes me happy." Since I read that, which was actually only today I think, I have been thinking about when I am happy and when I am sad and why I am happy or sad. It is a Lot easier to know what makes me sad than to know what makes me happy. I am going to start taking notes on my mood and what previous events influenced it. Then I'll try to write out what makes me happy and what does not.
The end.
The end.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
The Future, Toilet Paper, Hallucinations, Addictions, and more.
My "suitemates" and I are brainstorming ideas that will save us toilet paper. It's amazing how fast one roll goes split among 4 girls. So far we have:
1. Don't use our bathroom. Go at the HC, at all your classes, etc. (Kylie's idea)
2. Ask our parents to send us care packages purely made up of toilet paper. (mine and Kristen's idea)
3. Only use one square. (Sheryl Crow's idea)
4. Steal strands from everywhere you go. (my idea)
5. Steal an entire roll when the tp dispensers happen to pop open when you pull too hard when tearing. (Kristen's idea)
6. Only pee in the shower. (Kristen's idea)
7. Don't use it, just wash your hands really well (my idea)
As you can see, our brainstorming has turned pretty desperate. Any additionaly ideas would be appreciated.
My Plans
1. Study Abroad. Until recently I was planning on going to Italy next fall for one semester. I found out though, that the program I had been researching (API- Academic Programs International) would not carry my scholarship over. If I go through isep (international student exchange program), my scholarship would go through. This changes things. I can no longer go to the University I had been really looking into in Italy. Then, as I look through the new magazine for isep, I find that I might not be able to go to Italy at all because I don’t know Italian. I have yet to figure out if I can go as an English-speaking student, but I plan to find that out soon. I’m still a little frustrated because I had already figured out what classes I’d take going through API and I was excited. Dang it.
2. Keep a 3.7 for 4 years so my tuition and housing continues to be paid for by the U. The problem with this scholarship though, it that I have to live on campus. I really don’t wan to live in dorms for 4 years, so I looked into the Officers Housing on Officer’s Circle. There is one house I would be able to get into, if I made the application cut. It’s called the Poulsen Honors House. These houses fit 12 students, I think 6 boys and 6 girls. If I got into one of those, I think I could live there for 2 years. I’d try to get in not next year, because I’m planning to study abroad in the fall, but the next fall, fall of ’09. If for some reason I am unable to study abroad, I want to apply to get in for next year. I’m already nervous about not making it in. I’d love it. I want to live in a house or apartment, but that means living off campus and that means cash. So hopefully hopefully hopefully I can make it into the Honors House.
I sometimes catch myself holding my breath. i.e. when I’m trying to be quiet when my roommate is asleep, when I’m shaving my legs, when I’m putting on mascara, etc.
Is this sentence not weird? I feel like the last piece needs to be a little more descriptive to fit in…
“…For every sense was touched: in the color of clipped plant materials, the sound of signing wind and splashing water, the soft caress of moss and the roughness of stone, the honeyed scent of boxwood and blossom, and the taste of water.”
Today I heard 2 auditory hallucinations. One at 7:10 ish AM and one at 9:45 ish AM.
The 7:10 ish hallucination happened as I was walking to physics. A boy was walking just a few seconds behind me for a while, when suddenly I heard him say “Hey” in a loudish whisper. Not Hey! Or HEY! But Hey. Like, Hey, look at this. Or something. I stopped immediately and pivoted to look at him, and to my surprise he had slowed down or something and was probably about 50 feet behind me. There was no way it was him who said hey. I quickly turned back around before he saw that I had stopped and turned out of nowhere. It was still very dark this morning at 7:10, so then my mind started playing more tricks on me and I had to just pull out my notebook and write instead of looking around at shadows and trees and other creepy things nature can do in the dark.
The 9:45 ish hallucination happened in the Union building. I went to take a nap on the comfy black couches between 2 classes and had just lied down and was trying to decide whether or not I should keep my phone in my pocket (If I got a text it might wake me up, but I was so tired maybe it’d be good to wake up if I got a text in case I slept through Calculus). Let’s put down some side notes.
1. Samsung phones, I think, or at least all the ones I’ve had, all vibrate 6 times when a text comes through.
2. Sometimes when I’m thinking about getting a text, I’ll get one. I’m sure that happens to other people too.
3. When sitting on a couch with a phone in a back pocket, often the sound make by the vibration is amplified through the couch. Sometimes others feel the vibration, but almost always the sound of the vibration is louder and more noticeable when on a couch.
Okay, so as I’m lying there with my head on the side arm thing, thinking about getting a text, I got one. I heard it very loudly through the couch. I didn’t feel it in my pocket, but after having the same phone in the same pocket for almost a year, I’m used to not feeling it. I pulled out my phone, and to my surprise, there was no new text. I sat up and looked at the people around me to see if anyone had pulled out their phone, but no one had. Then I decided there had to be a phone in the couch. I looked down the cracks of the cushions, but I found no phone. There also weren’t any bags or backpacks touching the couch I was on in which a phone could be hiding. I know I heard the 6 vibrations of a Samsung phone. I know it…
Yesterday I walked past a bush that had covered the ground around it in pink sprinkles. It was beautiful.
My favorite tree is the.. pear tree? I think? Or blossoming pear or something. Anyways, they are so pretty. They turn red at the tops and go through a million colors down to the bottom of the tree where it is still green. Eventually all the leaves die and fall off, but there are beautiful rainbows down trees everywhere until then. Maroon, Red, Orange, Beige, Pink, Yellow, Teal, Green, every color a leaf can be! They are amazing.
There are many kinds of addictions; Drug addictions, Alcohol addictions, Porn addictions, Sex addictions, Diet addictions, Exercise addictions, etc. Today I decided I have been addicted to a person. I used to be physically, emotionally, and socially addicted to this person. Now I am only slightly emotionally addicted. And that slightly is getting slighter and slighter daily. I’m still suffering the effects of the emotional addiction along with the social addiction, but as I do so I’m learning more and more about myself. It’s an interesting recovery, and probably similar to any other addiction recovery. I had just never thought of it that way.
I am amazed at the effects of exercise. While running or working out in some way, I’m not usually having loads of fun, but the positive mood I feel for the rest of the day pushes me through it. I love it.
What I don’t love is that I took 2 naps today, one at the Union for an hour and a half, and one in my own bed for a good 3 hours. I had a lousy night’s sleep last night, but my naps often don’t count toward the night before, but toward the upcoming night. I’m sad that I won’t be able to fall asleep forever tonight because no matter how awake I feel in the evening, I’m still as tired as ever in the morning at 6:15 when I wake up for Physics or at 7:15 when I wake up for Institute. Bleh.
Boring Blog. Sorry if you read it J
1. Don't use our bathroom. Go at the HC, at all your classes, etc. (Kylie's idea)
2. Ask our parents to send us care packages purely made up of toilet paper. (mine and Kristen's idea)
3. Only use one square. (Sheryl Crow's idea)
4. Steal strands from everywhere you go. (my idea)
5. Steal an entire roll when the tp dispensers happen to pop open when you pull too hard when tearing. (Kristen's idea)
6. Only pee in the shower. (Kristen's idea)
7. Don't use it, just wash your hands really well (my idea)
As you can see, our brainstorming has turned pretty desperate. Any additionaly ideas would be appreciated.
My Plans
1. Study Abroad. Until recently I was planning on going to Italy next fall for one semester. I found out though, that the program I had been researching (API- Academic Programs International) would not carry my scholarship over. If I go through isep (international student exchange program), my scholarship would go through. This changes things. I can no longer go to the University I had been really looking into in Italy. Then, as I look through the new magazine for isep, I find that I might not be able to go to Italy at all because I don’t know Italian. I have yet to figure out if I can go as an English-speaking student, but I plan to find that out soon. I’m still a little frustrated because I had already figured out what classes I’d take going through API and I was excited. Dang it.
2. Keep a 3.7 for 4 years so my tuition and housing continues to be paid for by the U. The problem with this scholarship though, it that I have to live on campus. I really don’t wan to live in dorms for 4 years, so I looked into the Officers Housing on Officer’s Circle. There is one house I would be able to get into, if I made the application cut. It’s called the Poulsen Honors House. These houses fit 12 students, I think 6 boys and 6 girls. If I got into one of those, I think I could live there for 2 years. I’d try to get in not next year, because I’m planning to study abroad in the fall, but the next fall, fall of ’09. If for some reason I am unable to study abroad, I want to apply to get in for next year. I’m already nervous about not making it in. I’d love it. I want to live in a house or apartment, but that means living off campus and that means cash. So hopefully hopefully hopefully I can make it into the Honors House.
I sometimes catch myself holding my breath. i.e. when I’m trying to be quiet when my roommate is asleep, when I’m shaving my legs, when I’m putting on mascara, etc.
Is this sentence not weird? I feel like the last piece needs to be a little more descriptive to fit in…
“…For every sense was touched: in the color of clipped plant materials, the sound of signing wind and splashing water, the soft caress of moss and the roughness of stone, the honeyed scent of boxwood and blossom, and the taste of water.”
Today I heard 2 auditory hallucinations. One at 7:10 ish AM and one at 9:45 ish AM.
The 7:10 ish hallucination happened as I was walking to physics. A boy was walking just a few seconds behind me for a while, when suddenly I heard him say “Hey” in a loudish whisper. Not Hey! Or HEY! But Hey. Like, Hey, look at this. Or something. I stopped immediately and pivoted to look at him, and to my surprise he had slowed down or something and was probably about 50 feet behind me. There was no way it was him who said hey. I quickly turned back around before he saw that I had stopped and turned out of nowhere. It was still very dark this morning at 7:10, so then my mind started playing more tricks on me and I had to just pull out my notebook and write instead of looking around at shadows and trees and other creepy things nature can do in the dark.
The 9:45 ish hallucination happened in the Union building. I went to take a nap on the comfy black couches between 2 classes and had just lied down and was trying to decide whether or not I should keep my phone in my pocket (If I got a text it might wake me up, but I was so tired maybe it’d be good to wake up if I got a text in case I slept through Calculus). Let’s put down some side notes.
1. Samsung phones, I think, or at least all the ones I’ve had, all vibrate 6 times when a text comes through.
2. Sometimes when I’m thinking about getting a text, I’ll get one. I’m sure that happens to other people too.
3. When sitting on a couch with a phone in a back pocket, often the sound make by the vibration is amplified through the couch. Sometimes others feel the vibration, but almost always the sound of the vibration is louder and more noticeable when on a couch.
Okay, so as I’m lying there with my head on the side arm thing, thinking about getting a text, I got one. I heard it very loudly through the couch. I didn’t feel it in my pocket, but after having the same phone in the same pocket for almost a year, I’m used to not feeling it. I pulled out my phone, and to my surprise, there was no new text. I sat up and looked at the people around me to see if anyone had pulled out their phone, but no one had. Then I decided there had to be a phone in the couch. I looked down the cracks of the cushions, but I found no phone. There also weren’t any bags or backpacks touching the couch I was on in which a phone could be hiding. I know I heard the 6 vibrations of a Samsung phone. I know it…
Yesterday I walked past a bush that had covered the ground around it in pink sprinkles. It was beautiful.
My favorite tree is the.. pear tree? I think? Or blossoming pear or something. Anyways, they are so pretty. They turn red at the tops and go through a million colors down to the bottom of the tree where it is still green. Eventually all the leaves die and fall off, but there are beautiful rainbows down trees everywhere until then. Maroon, Red, Orange, Beige, Pink, Yellow, Teal, Green, every color a leaf can be! They are amazing.
There are many kinds of addictions; Drug addictions, Alcohol addictions, Porn addictions, Sex addictions, Diet addictions, Exercise addictions, etc. Today I decided I have been addicted to a person. I used to be physically, emotionally, and socially addicted to this person. Now I am only slightly emotionally addicted. And that slightly is getting slighter and slighter daily. I’m still suffering the effects of the emotional addiction along with the social addiction, but as I do so I’m learning more and more about myself. It’s an interesting recovery, and probably similar to any other addiction recovery. I had just never thought of it that way.
I am amazed at the effects of exercise. While running or working out in some way, I’m not usually having loads of fun, but the positive mood I feel for the rest of the day pushes me through it. I love it.
What I don’t love is that I took 2 naps today, one at the Union for an hour and a half, and one in my own bed for a good 3 hours. I had a lousy night’s sleep last night, but my naps often don’t count toward the night before, but toward the upcoming night. I’m sad that I won’t be able to fall asleep forever tonight because no matter how awake I feel in the evening, I’m still as tired as ever in the morning at 6:15 when I wake up for Physics or at 7:15 when I wake up for Institute. Bleh.
Boring Blog. Sorry if you read it J
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
My Greek Philosophy
“What the Greeks endeavored to achieve in all things was arête, that quality of excellence that results from refinement and testing in all human endeavors. Arête was an all-encompassing physical, moral, and intellectual excellence requiring a balance in life and achieved through rigorous self-discipline.
“Nothing to excess” sums up the Greek view of life, and it was for this reason that Greeks had no time for specialists. A person of arête did all things well and kept in balance. To realize a well-ordered life, a person endeavored to exercise strength and power in restraint, to value quality before achievement, and personal honor over opulence.”
Nothing to excess. Never too much family, too much friends, too much sleep, too much partying. Never too much eating, too much dieting, too much exercise, too much loafing. Never too much drinking, too much sports, too much shopping, too much homework. Never too much church, too much myspace, too much texting, too much video game. Never too much reading, too much cuddling, too much ice cream, too much dancing. Never too much crying, too much laughing, too much makeup, too much gossip. Nothing to excess.
The past few days I’ve started trying to moderate my life in as many aspects as possible. I’m trying to be physically, intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and socially balanced. I’m slightly obsessive compulsive in that everything I do is very organized and most of it planned, but I feel productive and successful this way. If anything is slightly sloppy or spontaneous, I keep it confined in a 2-foot bubble around me. It’s proving difficult to describe the way I’m living this Greek philosophy. I’m sure most of this is mental. Had someone been watching me for the past couple weeks they probably wouldn’t be able to tell a difference between last week and the last few days, but luckily no one has been, so I can exaggerate the difference I feel as much as I’d like.
“Nothing to excess” sums up the Greek view of life, and it was for this reason that Greeks had no time for specialists. A person of arête did all things well and kept in balance. To realize a well-ordered life, a person endeavored to exercise strength and power in restraint, to value quality before achievement, and personal honor over opulence.”
Nothing to excess. Never too much family, too much friends, too much sleep, too much partying. Never too much eating, too much dieting, too much exercise, too much loafing. Never too much drinking, too much sports, too much shopping, too much homework. Never too much church, too much myspace, too much texting, too much video game. Never too much reading, too much cuddling, too much ice cream, too much dancing. Never too much crying, too much laughing, too much makeup, too much gossip. Nothing to excess.
The past few days I’ve started trying to moderate my life in as many aspects as possible. I’m trying to be physically, intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and socially balanced. I’m slightly obsessive compulsive in that everything I do is very organized and most of it planned, but I feel productive and successful this way. If anything is slightly sloppy or spontaneous, I keep it confined in a 2-foot bubble around me. It’s proving difficult to describe the way I’m living this Greek philosophy. I’m sure most of this is mental. Had someone been watching me for the past couple weeks they probably wouldn’t be able to tell a difference between last week and the last few days, but luckily no one has been, so I can exaggerate the difference I feel as much as I’d like.
Good Day
Would it be annoying to be forced to listen to music in another language whenever you were in your room? I agree. But I hate these earbuds :( Learn English dang it!
I rearranged my half of the room today. Ever since Elementary School when I'd change the layout of my books and papers and pencils and hidden box of sugar cubes and other odds and ends inside my desk, I've been a big fan of rearranging. Even with only 2 pieces of furniture and about a 9' x 9' area to work with, the rejuvinating cleanliness that comes along with changing the layout of my living space is exactly what I needed today to motivate myself back into life. Perfect.
The other day I was visiting my home in Centerville. I sat down with the newspaper to bring myself up to date in the world becaues I don't get the paper in college and haven't put forth the effort to do any reading online. These are some, not all, but some of the headlines I saw:
Rapist not sure freedom is best
Husband charged in hit-and-run death
A Sad Farewell
Police kill man after 2 stabbings
Clues are sought in girl's disappearance
2 Jail escapees indicted
Pot bust in Sandy
Jeppson in court to hear Kiplyn murder charge
Woman is found dead in her house
Teen gunman injures 4, kills self at Cleveland school
Injured rescuer sues family of boy left disabled after near drowning(this is ridiculous: a one-year-old who was found without a pulse in a pool was rescued by a rescue crew. The boy survived, but has severe brain damage and can't eat, swallow, talk, or walk. The day of the near-drowning, one of the rescuers slipped on a puddle of water somewhere in the family's house. She broke her knee cap and was out of service for about 2 months. Now she is trying to sue the family for the injury. Of course there will be water in the house, the kid nearly drowned. What a jerk.)
Offenders must post "No Candy" ("To discourage contact with children, some registered sex offenders in Maryland will be asked to post signs at their homes that say "No Candy at this Residence" on Halloween." Sad.)
It made me not feel so bad that I don't get the newspaper.
From my book "Understanding Architecture; Its Elements, History, and Meaning" I have for you a couple lines that I enjoyed:
"The method used to ascertain truth by the scholars of the thirteenth century was scholasticism, the application of Classical Aristotelian logic to explain and reconcile inconsistencies between early church writings, the civil law compiled by Justinian, and canon law. It was inevitable that such investigations would lead to doubt, but as Abelard, one of the principal philosophers in Paris, observed, doubt would lead to inquiry and inquiry to truth."
"Small wonder that the Athenian philosopher Protagoras of Abdera, a friend of Perikles, should write in his essay Truth, "Man is the measure of all things, of those which are that they are, and of those which are not that they are not." In the Greek, this can also be taken to mean "man is the measure of all things," meaning that truth is relative to human perception and interpretation."
I recently had my hair cut and colored, and for a few days there were some blonde highlights which are now more brown. One day, when the highlights were still blonde, my 5 year old niece said to me, in all seriousness, "I didn't recognize you because of your gold hair. I have gold hair from the sun. I have gold hair from the sun because I play hard." Cutie.
That's all for now.
(10.15.7)
I rearranged my half of the room today. Ever since Elementary School when I'd change the layout of my books and papers and pencils and hidden box of sugar cubes and other odds and ends inside my desk, I've been a big fan of rearranging. Even with only 2 pieces of furniture and about a 9' x 9' area to work with, the rejuvinating cleanliness that comes along with changing the layout of my living space is exactly what I needed today to motivate myself back into life. Perfect.
The other day I was visiting my home in Centerville. I sat down with the newspaper to bring myself up to date in the world becaues I don't get the paper in college and haven't put forth the effort to do any reading online. These are some, not all, but some of the headlines I saw:
Rapist not sure freedom is best
Husband charged in hit-and-run death
A Sad Farewell
Police kill man after 2 stabbings
Clues are sought in girl's disappearance
2 Jail escapees indicted
Pot bust in Sandy
Jeppson in court to hear Kiplyn murder charge
Woman is found dead in her house
Teen gunman injures 4, kills self at Cleveland school
Injured rescuer sues family of boy left disabled after near drowning(this is ridiculous: a one-year-old who was found without a pulse in a pool was rescued by a rescue crew. The boy survived, but has severe brain damage and can't eat, swallow, talk, or walk. The day of the near-drowning, one of the rescuers slipped on a puddle of water somewhere in the family's house. She broke her knee cap and was out of service for about 2 months. Now she is trying to sue the family for the injury. Of course there will be water in the house, the kid nearly drowned. What a jerk.)
Offenders must post "No Candy" ("To discourage contact with children, some registered sex offenders in Maryland will be asked to post signs at their homes that say "No Candy at this Residence" on Halloween." Sad.)
It made me not feel so bad that I don't get the newspaper.
From my book "Understanding Architecture; Its Elements, History, and Meaning" I have for you a couple lines that I enjoyed:
"The method used to ascertain truth by the scholars of the thirteenth century was scholasticism, the application of Classical Aristotelian logic to explain and reconcile inconsistencies between early church writings, the civil law compiled by Justinian, and canon law. It was inevitable that such investigations would lead to doubt, but as Abelard, one of the principal philosophers in Paris, observed, doubt would lead to inquiry and inquiry to truth."
"Small wonder that the Athenian philosopher Protagoras of Abdera, a friend of Perikles, should write in his essay Truth, "Man is the measure of all things, of those which are that they are, and of those which are not that they are not." In the Greek, this can also be taken to mean "man is the measure of all things," meaning that truth is relative to human perception and interpretation."
I recently had my hair cut and colored, and for a few days there were some blonde highlights which are now more brown. One day, when the highlights were still blonde, my 5 year old niece said to me, in all seriousness, "I didn't recognize you because of your gold hair. I have gold hair from the sun. I have gold hair from the sun because I play hard." Cutie.
That's all for now.
(10.15.7)
AIDS
I just heard about the death of a man I was associated with for a short time who died on Saturday of AIDS. I've never known someone with AIDS, let alone had them die from it. AIDS has always seemed far away and only spoken of, not actually experienced. For some reason it's just a little hard for me to understand.
Scott Douglas Morgan "Our Scrooge"
Scott Douglas Morgan passed away Oct. 6, 2007. He loved music and acting and performed in theatres throughout the valley for over 30 years. His favorite role was of Ebenezer Scrooge-a role that changed his life. After graduating from Granger High School and serving an LDS mission in Paris, France, Scott drifted from his standards.
During this period, he struggled with addiction and also contracted HIV and Aids, diseases which he survived for 21 years. In 1997, Scott was cast as the understudy for Scrooge in Hale Centre Theatre's "A Christmas Carol." During his first performance, Scott's life profoundly changed. "I will have Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year. I shall live in the past, the present and the future, the Spirits of all three shall strive within me and I will not shut out the lessons they teach." This was the beginning of an amazing transformation. Scott began a difficult repentance process during which he courted Tammy Eves, a long-time friend and fellow actor in HCT's "Fiddler on The Roof." On closing night of the show, Scott proposed to Tammy in front of a sold-out crowd. The two were married onstage Sept. 24, 1999, and were later sealed in the Salt Lake Temple on Aug. 30, 2002. Scott and Tammy shared the stage together for the last time in Dec. 2006.
Scott served in several church callings, most recently on the high council of the Midvale North Stake. He had an incredible testimony of the Atonement and was never afraid to share it. One of Scott's mottos was "It's all about choice." He wanted everybody to have the hope that a child can change. Scott was born March 30, 1958 to Douglas W. Morgan and Barbara Coombs Morgan. He was preceded in death by two siblings: Lynn Morgan and Laura Harms. He is survived by his wife, parents and two siblings: Milton Morgan (Gerri), Lydia Moyes (Scott) as well as many in-laws, nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephews.
The family wishes to thank Dr. Larry Reimer and the U Medical Center staff for their years of care and friendship. In lieu of flowers, the family suggests donations to the Scott D. Morgan Memorial Fund (in Tammy's name) at Bank of American Fork. Funeral services are scheduled for Fri., Oct. 12, 11 a.m. at the Midvale North Stake, 97 West 7500 South. A viewing will be held one hour prior to the services, and on Thurs. Oct. 11, 6-8 p.m. at the Jenkins Soffe Mortuary, 4760 State St. Interment, Midvale City Cemetery.
(10.10.7)
Scott Douglas Morgan "Our Scrooge"
Scott Douglas Morgan passed away Oct. 6, 2007. He loved music and acting and performed in theatres throughout the valley for over 30 years. His favorite role was of Ebenezer Scrooge-a role that changed his life. After graduating from Granger High School and serving an LDS mission in Paris, France, Scott drifted from his standards.
During this period, he struggled with addiction and also contracted HIV and Aids, diseases which he survived for 21 years. In 1997, Scott was cast as the understudy for Scrooge in Hale Centre Theatre's "A Christmas Carol." During his first performance, Scott's life profoundly changed. "I will have Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year. I shall live in the past, the present and the future, the Spirits of all three shall strive within me and I will not shut out the lessons they teach." This was the beginning of an amazing transformation. Scott began a difficult repentance process during which he courted Tammy Eves, a long-time friend and fellow actor in HCT's "Fiddler on The Roof." On closing night of the show, Scott proposed to Tammy in front of a sold-out crowd. The two were married onstage Sept. 24, 1999, and were later sealed in the Salt Lake Temple on Aug. 30, 2002. Scott and Tammy shared the stage together for the last time in Dec. 2006.
Scott served in several church callings, most recently on the high council of the Midvale North Stake. He had an incredible testimony of the Atonement and was never afraid to share it. One of Scott's mottos was "It's all about choice." He wanted everybody to have the hope that a child can change. Scott was born March 30, 1958 to Douglas W. Morgan and Barbara Coombs Morgan. He was preceded in death by two siblings: Lynn Morgan and Laura Harms. He is survived by his wife, parents and two siblings: Milton Morgan (Gerri), Lydia Moyes (Scott) as well as many in-laws, nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephews.
The family wishes to thank Dr. Larry Reimer and the U Medical Center staff for their years of care and friendship. In lieu of flowers, the family suggests donations to the Scott D. Morgan Memorial Fund (in Tammy's name) at Bank of American Fork. Funeral services are scheduled for Fri., Oct. 12, 11 a.m. at the Midvale North Stake, 97 West 7500 South. A viewing will be held one hour prior to the services, and on Thurs. Oct. 11, 6-8 p.m. at the Jenkins Soffe Mortuary, 4760 State St. Interment, Midvale City Cemetery.
(10.10.7)
Fall Break
(10.9.7)
This week I want to get some things done. It is almost half way gone, so I need to start moving as soon as I get off this compy. I have some homework I want to get done so I don't have to worry about it next week. I want to get some done tonight, some tomorrow. Then be finished. And not have it pressing my conscience every few hours. I need to
1. Read two long chapters (11 and 12) from Understanding Architecture and possibly take notes on them if I want to be a overachiever, which I secretly do.
2. Do a practice exam for a Calculus test on Tuesday. Questions from the exam will come from the practice exam, so I'd be an idiot not to do it.
3. Read chapter 6 in my Physics book so I will understand the assignments I do next week.
See. Not very much to do. But I want to get it done really soon. That way I will have the rest of Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday and Sunday to
1. Clean my dorm.
A.Vacuum.
B. Organize my desk.
C. Get rid of some clothes from my over-flowing drawers.
D. Clean the bathroom, somewhat.
2. Read the last 12.5 pages of Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson. No, not read. Understand the last 12.5 pages of Self -Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
3. Watch Rad.
4. Figure out my future.
A. Write down next semester's schedule plan
B. Figure out any Gen Ed's I still need and place them somewhere in next year's spring semester.
C. Hopefully find that all basic requirements will be completed within 3 semesters at the University, leaving room for one Semester to Study Abroad in Italy taking whatever classes I choose. Classes that don't hold me back transcript wise if they don't transfer correctly.
D. Decide which of the 5 Universities in Italy would be the most benifitial to me and my future.
E. Find out if my scholarship would cover the same finances in Italy that it does here.
F. Figure out how much Italy would cost based off the information found in E.
G. Figure out every detail about Studying Abroad, including cost, dates, deadlines, plane rides, etc. so I can present a very well organized and thought out plan to my parents.
5. Go to Provo for one night. Sleep at sister Michelle's. Have a dance party with Mindy. Play with both Mindy and Annie for longer than 5 minutes. (Clancee's fault.)
6. Go to Logan for one night. Sleep at sister Sara's. Have a dance party with Sara. Play with Tyler and Jared and Trent. Find Ali Drake and talk to her.
7. Visit Jo Bradbury.
8. Visit my old family called the Cheney's.
9. Write letters to missionary friends
A. Ben Rasmussen
B. Mike Walter
C. Greg Whipple
10. Visit Bryan Mortenson. Have good conversation.
11. Find small somethings like the wine decorations in Mrs. Bradbury's art classroom to decorate my dorm wall with. Not that I really care to, but because I feel when people come to visit they wish there was something on my wall. I'm such a conformist.
12. Read Harry Potter 7. Yes, I still have not finished the book. I don't really want to. I likehaving something to look forward to in the wizarding world. Since I was in 4th grade there has always been future to Harry Potter and I am not sure I'm ready for it to be over.
13. Read Uncle Tom's Cabin. I hear references to it a lot and have never read it.
14. Read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. Just because.
15. Get a massage at Massage Envy.
16. Play Guitar Hero. Get at least 4 stars on all the songs on Hard.
17. Play with Cael, Jared, and Trent.
I suppose that is all. Quite the list. This is more for me than you. I needed to write down everything I wanted to do this week before I forgot. I'm excited.
On your marks, Get set, Go.
This week I want to get some things done. It is almost half way gone, so I need to start moving as soon as I get off this compy. I have some homework I want to get done so I don't have to worry about it next week. I want to get some done tonight, some tomorrow. Then be finished. And not have it pressing my conscience every few hours. I need to
1. Read two long chapters (11 and 12) from Understanding Architecture and possibly take notes on them if I want to be a overachiever, which I secretly do.
2. Do a practice exam for a Calculus test on Tuesday. Questions from the exam will come from the practice exam, so I'd be an idiot not to do it.
3. Read chapter 6 in my Physics book so I will understand the assignments I do next week.
See. Not very much to do. But I want to get it done really soon. That way I will have the rest of Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday and Sunday to
1. Clean my dorm.
A.Vacuum.
B. Organize my desk.
C. Get rid of some clothes from my over-flowing drawers.
D. Clean the bathroom, somewhat.
2. Read the last 12.5 pages of Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson. No, not read. Understand the last 12.5 pages of Self -Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
3. Watch Rad.
4. Figure out my future.
A. Write down next semester's schedule plan
B. Figure out any Gen Ed's I still need and place them somewhere in next year's spring semester.
C. Hopefully find that all basic requirements will be completed within 3 semesters at the University, leaving room for one Semester to Study Abroad in Italy taking whatever classes I choose. Classes that don't hold me back transcript wise if they don't transfer correctly.
D. Decide which of the 5 Universities in Italy would be the most benifitial to me and my future.
E. Find out if my scholarship would cover the same finances in Italy that it does here.
F. Figure out how much Italy would cost based off the information found in E.
G. Figure out every detail about Studying Abroad, including cost, dates, deadlines, plane rides, etc. so I can present a very well organized and thought out plan to my parents.
5. Go to Provo for one night. Sleep at sister Michelle's. Have a dance party with Mindy. Play with both Mindy and Annie for longer than 5 minutes. (Clancee's fault.)
6. Go to Logan for one night. Sleep at sister Sara's. Have a dance party with Sara. Play with Tyler and Jared and Trent. Find Ali Drake and talk to her.
7. Visit Jo Bradbury.
8. Visit my old family called the Cheney's.
9. Write letters to missionary friends
A. Ben Rasmussen
B. Mike Walter
C. Greg Whipple
10. Visit Bryan Mortenson. Have good conversation.
11. Find small somethings like the wine decorations in Mrs. Bradbury's art classroom to decorate my dorm wall with. Not that I really care to, but because I feel when people come to visit they wish there was something on my wall. I'm such a conformist.
12. Read Harry Potter 7. Yes, I still have not finished the book. I don't really want to. I likehaving something to look forward to in the wizarding world. Since I was in 4th grade there has always been future to Harry Potter and I am not sure I'm ready for it to be over.
13. Read Uncle Tom's Cabin. I hear references to it a lot and have never read it.
14. Read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. Just because.
15. Get a massage at Massage Envy.
16. Play Guitar Hero. Get at least 4 stars on all the songs on Hard.
17. Play with Cael, Jared, and Trent.
I suppose that is all. Quite the list. This is more for me than you. I needed to write down everything I wanted to do this week before I forgot. I'm excited.
On your marks, Get set, Go.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Goodbye Hyesun?
I just signed a paper for my roommate saying it's okay if she moves out. She wants to move to Sage Point where they have kitchens. I am sad. Sure, we don't talk much- it's hard when she doesn't speak English very well- but I enjoy her. I feel comfortable in my own room, whereas with other roommates I'm afraid I wouldn't. I like having this language and cultural barrier. It alows us to be in the same room in silence and being 100 percent okay with the silence. I like that she set up the rule no boys in the room past 10:30. I don't want a roommate who would bring in some of the experiences some people on my floor have had. ie boys hanging out in the room til five while the roommate is wanting to go to bed, boys sleeping over, her getting high in the room, watching tv all the time, watching movies I don't like, listening to annoying music, never going to bed, etc. I hope I can just have my own room for the rest of the semester. But I doubt it. Hyesun might not move out until semester anyways. I'm suprised at how much I don't want her to move out. Shoot. I don't want a new roommy. I like her.
:(
:(
Monday, October 1, 2007
Dermographic Urticaria
DERMOGRAPHIC URTICARIA
Dermatographic urticaria (also known as dermographism, dermatographism or "skin writing") is a skin disorder seen in 4-5% of the population[1], in which the skin becomes raised and inflamed when stroked or rubbed with a dull object[2]. The symptoms are thought to be caused by mast cells in the surface of the skin releasing histamines without the presence of antigens, due to the presence of a weak membrane surrounding the mast cells. The histamines released cause the skin to swell in the affected areas.
This weak membrane easily and rapidly breaks down under physical pressure causing an allergic-like reaction, generally a red welt to appear on the skin. It can often be confused with an allergic reaction to the object causing a scratch, when in fact it is the act of being scratched that causes a welt to appear. These welts are a subset of hives that appear within minutes, accompanied by a sensation of burning, and/or itchiness. The first outbreak of hives can lead to others on body parts not directly stimulated, scraped or scratched. In a normal case the swelling has reduced itself with no treatment within 15-30 minutes, but in extreme cases, itchy red wheals may last anwhere from a few hours to days.
Dermatographism can be caused by stress, tight or abrasive clothing, watches, glasses, energetic kissing, heat, cold, or anything that causes stress to the skin. In many cases it is merely a minor annoyance, but in some rare cases symptoms are severe enough to impact a patient's life.
It can be treated by antihistamines or cromoglicate, as they prevent the histamine from causing the reaction. The underlying cause of dermographism is not known, and can last for many years without relief. 95% of chronic cases are never solved. Sometimes the condition goes away, sometimes it stays forever. It is not a life threatening disease.
ZYRTEC
ZYRTEC® (cetirizine HCl) is a prescription medicine that treats both indoor and outdoor allergy symptoms. And it also treats itching due to chronic hives. Studies show that 1 dose of ZYRTEC works for a full 24 hours.
In clinical studies, people taking ZYRTEC were relieved of their symptoms within 1 hour. Studies show that symptom relief from a single dose of ZYRTEC lasts 24 hours.
Basically, with Dermographism, if something scratches me or simply rubs against my arm or stomach or back, a red welt appears. This welt itches and burns. If I subconciously scratch my back or my head or neck or shoulder or stomach, it starts to itch and burn so I scratch it before I catch myself. Once it's been scratched more welts come and more burning comes. I've tried putting myself in some kind of a straight jacket, to no avail. It's impossible not to scratch when it itches.It's a horrible mental game. Zyrtec didn't kick in very fast last night. I was up until about 2:30 or so, trying to get my mind off of scratching. It's a really lousy way to spend time in bed.
Dermatographic urticaria (also known as dermographism, dermatographism or "skin writing") is a skin disorder seen in 4-5% of the population[1], in which the skin becomes raised and inflamed when stroked or rubbed with a dull object[2]. The symptoms are thought to be caused by mast cells in the surface of the skin releasing histamines without the presence of antigens, due to the presence of a weak membrane surrounding the mast cells. The histamines released cause the skin to swell in the affected areas.
This weak membrane easily and rapidly breaks down under physical pressure causing an allergic-like reaction, generally a red welt to appear on the skin. It can often be confused with an allergic reaction to the object causing a scratch, when in fact it is the act of being scratched that causes a welt to appear. These welts are a subset of hives that appear within minutes, accompanied by a sensation of burning, and/or itchiness. The first outbreak of hives can lead to others on body parts not directly stimulated, scraped or scratched. In a normal case the swelling has reduced itself with no treatment within 15-30 minutes, but in extreme cases, itchy red wheals may last anwhere from a few hours to days.
Dermatographism can be caused by stress, tight or abrasive clothing, watches, glasses, energetic kissing, heat, cold, or anything that causes stress to the skin. In many cases it is merely a minor annoyance, but in some rare cases symptoms are severe enough to impact a patient's life.
It can be treated by antihistamines or cromoglicate, as they prevent the histamine from causing the reaction. The underlying cause of dermographism is not known, and can last for many years without relief. 95% of chronic cases are never solved. Sometimes the condition goes away, sometimes it stays forever. It is not a life threatening disease.
ZYRTEC
ZYRTEC® (cetirizine HCl) is a prescription medicine that treats both indoor and outdoor allergy symptoms. And it also treats itching due to chronic hives. Studies show that 1 dose of ZYRTEC works for a full 24 hours.
In clinical studies, people taking ZYRTEC were relieved of their symptoms within 1 hour. Studies show that symptom relief from a single dose of ZYRTEC lasts 24 hours.
Basically, with Dermographism, if something scratches me or simply rubs against my arm or stomach or back, a red welt appears. This welt itches and burns. If I subconciously scratch my back or my head or neck or shoulder or stomach, it starts to itch and burn so I scratch it before I catch myself. Once it's been scratched more welts come and more burning comes. I've tried putting myself in some kind of a straight jacket, to no avail. It's impossible not to scratch when it itches.It's a horrible mental game. Zyrtec didn't kick in very fast last night. I was up until about 2:30 or so, trying to get my mind off of scratching. It's a really lousy way to spend time in bed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
