Thursday, December 13, 2007
the physicist's anxiety
I've never experienced an anxiety attack before, but I think I'm feeling a small fraction of what they are like. In one hour I will be taking a two hour physics test that counts for a third of my grade. My heart is being compressed by the fluid pressure I'm learning about but not the atmospheric pressure unless there's a hole in my chest. The guage pressure is about to exceed the max my heart can hold because I ate a few fries at lunch so the area of the arteries are smaller. My back hurts because the closer I hang my head down to my paper, the larger the torque is, pulling more on the muscles that run down my spine. The temperature changes in my room are stretching and compressing my brain due to the heat expansion theory. My heart is beating at a few hundred beats per minute, and if a small object traveling at a large velocity were to inelastically collide with it, the lost mass would be neglectible but the velocity of my heart moving with the small object could be found using conservation of momentum, not conservation of energy. I'm so afraid.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
15 fingers
The doctor told me I'm alergic to myself. Technically it's called dermographic urticaria. "Skin writing something or other." If I scratch or rub or slap my skin it welts up. So Gabi gave me a hug and slapped me 3 times on the back. Really hard. Now there are 15 fingers protruding from my back. It looks like I've been abused. It made the girls across the hall gasp. heheh. Funny. It's hard to see in this picture.
Andy's Luck
I came home really excited about the $78.25 I got from returning 2 books, my calculus text book and solutions manual. Andy from 2 doors down left the room saying "I want to go return my five books!" He came back a few minutes ago on the phone with a towing company. They stole his booted car. It costs $150 dollars to get it back, plus the $150 he owes on parking tickets. "That's three hundred dollars on a car I bought for five hundred!" Then I suggested hopefully, "Hey at least you have book-return money for five books..?" Turns out he got 7 dollars back for 5 books.
Bowling
I went bowling with my floor buddies. There's quite the split on our floor, and I'm stuck in between the two groups. I'll talk about it more later.
The Club is Rob, Tyler, Matt, Mark, Me, Chelsea, Hector. I think that's just about it. We are cool. Really cool. So today I went bowling with all of them minus Chelsea and plus Blake, my good friend from 803. Chelsea actually happened to be there bowling with her work associates. She was getting paid to bowl! Best job ever. At the union, bowling is one buck per game. So we bowled three. But I only had one dollar. So I gave 4 quarters to Rob and he paid for 2 of mine. Nice guy. I bowled a 98, 79, then 83. Or something. I'm not that good at bowling. But these boys have gone probably like 40+ times this semester. So I'm just getting started. They said they'll give me as many games as it takes to show them up. I did beat Rob 2 out of the 3 times and Tyler once. But Matt was getting 173 and 150 and such. Dang.
I love my floor. I love my roommates. I love Chelsea and Kristen and Kylie and Rob and Tyler and Matt and Mark and Hector and Gabi and Andy and Remmington and Ryan and Brett. I'm going to be sad when the year is through. What a great experience.
The Club is Rob, Tyler, Matt, Mark, Me, Chelsea, Hector. I think that's just about it. We are cool. Really cool. So today I went bowling with all of them minus Chelsea and plus Blake, my good friend from 803. Chelsea actually happened to be there bowling with her work associates. She was getting paid to bowl! Best job ever. At the union, bowling is one buck per game. So we bowled three. But I only had one dollar. So I gave 4 quarters to Rob and he paid for 2 of mine. Nice guy. I bowled a 98, 79, then 83. Or something. I'm not that good at bowling. But these boys have gone probably like 40+ times this semester. So I'm just getting started. They said they'll give me as many games as it takes to show them up. I did beat Rob 2 out of the 3 times and Tyler once. But Matt was getting 173 and 150 and such. Dang.
I love my floor. I love my roommates. I love Chelsea and Kristen and Kylie and Rob and Tyler and Matt and Mark and Hector and Gabi and Andy and Remmington and Ryan and Brett. I'm going to be sad when the year is through. What a great experience.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Brainwashed Blake.
Me: I'm just glad girls don't have facial hair.
Blake: Well not as much. They still have the peach fuzz and some have more than others. Your right though. That'd be so gross.
Me: My sister has crazy amounts of peach fuzz. It's creepy.
Blake: Gross. Ha. Does she have to shave?
Me: Ew no.
Blake: But it'd look nicer. I'd rather have to shave.
Me: But it's not thick hair just peach fuzz. And if she shaved it'd get thicker and gross.
Blake: It doesn't get thicker silly. That's a myth.
Me: Not true!
Blake: No. It is. I have a doctor for a dad. I'm right.
Me: I don't believe in doctors :)
Blake: Yeah right you take medicine. Hypocrite.
Me: I know but I hate medicine. I don't usually believe it will work. I only believe in Ibuprofin and a little bit in zyrtec. But I dont like doctors and medicine. I'm more of a natrualist.
Blake: Wow really? Not suprised. But what if I became a doctor. We couldn't be friends.
Me: I guess not. My mom is weird like that- very naturalistic. So I am. But my dad sells surgical tools to doctors. They're opposites. So I guess we could still be friends. But you're going to be a weather man. Not a doctor.
Blake: Yeah but that's my second option. I like the body.
Me: Of course you do. I've thought of doing something medical.
Blake: After being so antimedical..
Me: Yeah I'd be a chiropractor. Heh. Kind of medical. But I'd be one of those very naturalistic ones. The ones doctors hate and insurance people won't support. That's why I won't do it though. They are making less money than ever because of your dad :P
Blake: Because they arent' real doctors... that's fake medicine.
Me: Ha. You're so brainwashed.
Blake: Haha nope. Just smart.
Me: I completely disagree. But I don't have time to prove I'm right right now.
Blake: Haha ok. You should study.
Me: You too.
Blake: Well not as much. They still have the peach fuzz and some have more than others. Your right though. That'd be so gross.
Me: My sister has crazy amounts of peach fuzz. It's creepy.
Blake: Gross. Ha. Does she have to shave?
Me: Ew no.
Blake: But it'd look nicer. I'd rather have to shave.
Me: But it's not thick hair just peach fuzz. And if she shaved it'd get thicker and gross.
Blake: It doesn't get thicker silly. That's a myth.
Me: Not true!
Blake: No. It is. I have a doctor for a dad. I'm right.
Me: I don't believe in doctors :)
Blake: Yeah right you take medicine. Hypocrite.
Me: I know but I hate medicine. I don't usually believe it will work. I only believe in Ibuprofin and a little bit in zyrtec. But I dont like doctors and medicine. I'm more of a natrualist.
Blake: Wow really? Not suprised. But what if I became a doctor. We couldn't be friends.
Me: I guess not. My mom is weird like that- very naturalistic. So I am. But my dad sells surgical tools to doctors. They're opposites. So I guess we could still be friends. But you're going to be a weather man. Not a doctor.
Blake: Yeah but that's my second option. I like the body.
Me: Of course you do. I've thought of doing something medical.
Blake: After being so antimedical..
Me: Yeah I'd be a chiropractor. Heh. Kind of medical. But I'd be one of those very naturalistic ones. The ones doctors hate and insurance people won't support. That's why I won't do it though. They are making less money than ever because of your dad :P
Blake: Because they arent' real doctors... that's fake medicine.
Me: Ha. You're so brainwashed.
Blake: Haha nope. Just smart.
Me: I completely disagree. But I don't have time to prove I'm right right now.
Blake: Haha ok. You should study.
Me: You too.
Monday, December 10, 2007
finals, snowball fights, lies
This morning's Introduction to Architecture final was great, after getting over the minute stress of forgetting a pencil. Luckily my mom, aka Brian Hebdon, is in all of my classes. I probably got at least 90%. It was wonderful. If only my Physics and Calculus test could be that easy. I need to start studying for those tests.
I was sore for 2 days because of a super fun snowball fight Friday night. Tyler, Rob, Gabi and I snowball fought for probably 30 or so minutes. It was a bloody blast, as Rob would say. He's from England. Fun accent. Gabi's about my height so I could take him down pretty easily. Heh. But Tyler and Rob.. they were tough. Rob and I both were wearing glasses which was a really, really bad idea. Rob actually lost his in the snow once but we found them. It was my fault too- I threw one at the side of his head on accident. I always feel really bad when I hit faces. But Rob is terrible at making snowballs- he hasn't had much practice- so he wasn't too hard to deal with. He hasn't even ever made a snowman!!! Tyler though, he's a big football style kid, so he was difficult to take down. Plus we were allies for a bit but he betrayed me because he claimed I betrayed him, so I never knew if I could trust him or not. It was really fun. The snow was perfect for packing. Plus I was wearing my green galoshes so my feet weren't even cold. But my fingers were. No gloves. Oops. They killed. Meanwhile Mark and Matt hiked to the top of the mountian. They were gone for ever so I don't doubt that they wen't really high up there. My floor rocks.
I was rebuked yesterday for something I feel I cannot change without cheating myself. I don't like manipulation, repression, or lying, but I have to do all three in order to be "happy" and to make an old friend "happy." But yesterday is yesterday, today is today, and who knows if tomorrow will be what I want tomorrow to be. I was told it will not be. So now I manipulate my emotions to conform to tomorrow. Awesome.
I was sore for 2 days because of a super fun snowball fight Friday night. Tyler, Rob, Gabi and I snowball fought for probably 30 or so minutes. It was a bloody blast, as Rob would say. He's from England. Fun accent. Gabi's about my height so I could take him down pretty easily. Heh. But Tyler and Rob.. they were tough. Rob and I both were wearing glasses which was a really, really bad idea. Rob actually lost his in the snow once but we found them. It was my fault too- I threw one at the side of his head on accident. I always feel really bad when I hit faces. But Rob is terrible at making snowballs- he hasn't had much practice- so he wasn't too hard to deal with. He hasn't even ever made a snowman!!! Tyler though, he's a big football style kid, so he was difficult to take down. Plus we were allies for a bit but he betrayed me because he claimed I betrayed him, so I never knew if I could trust him or not. It was really fun. The snow was perfect for packing. Plus I was wearing my green galoshes so my feet weren't even cold. But my fingers were. No gloves. Oops. They killed. Meanwhile Mark and Matt hiked to the top of the mountian. They were gone for ever so I don't doubt that they wen't really high up there. My floor rocks.
I was rebuked yesterday for something I feel I cannot change without cheating myself. I don't like manipulation, repression, or lying, but I have to do all three in order to be "happy" and to make an old friend "happy." But yesterday is yesterday, today is today, and who knows if tomorrow will be what I want tomorrow to be. I was told it will not be. So now I manipulate my emotions to conform to tomorrow. Awesome.
My new best friends
My new best friends are the best. Obviously. If they weren't they'd be my new alright friends. I'll tell about Chelsea Blythe Kwallek and Heidi Anna Heninger. Both have blonde hair. Both are so fun and funny. Both are pretty. We all laugh so much. And we are thinking of/planning on moving into an apartment next year in slc. I'd love it. I've wanted to do that but had yet to meet any girls I'd like to live with. But now I have. Chelsea and Heidi.
Heidi looks like Jo Bradbury, my high school art teacher. She's really pretty. Chelsea looks somewhat similar to her, probably just because they both have blonde hair. But I love them. Chelsea and I stay up late every night talking and laughing. We even read scriptures together and force each other to pray. We love each other. I honestly couldn't have asked for a better roommate. Heidi is Chelsea's best friend from Sage Point, the dorm complex Chelsea moved here from. We have so much fun, I just love t. And they gave me permission to call them my new best friends. We have really only known each other for about a week and a half or 2 weeks, but I know we'll be best friends next semester. And I'm excited to live with them in a house or something. They, mostly Chelsea, say damn and hell sometimes, and usually at the perfect time. For example: we read scriptures together, like I mentioned before, at night. We switch off columns, but if the verse at the bottom of your column runs over, you have to finish the verse. Chelsea's last verse had 2 lines at the bottom of her column with 12 lines running into mine. So the sentence that carried over into my column was read with a very quiet "..damn.." in between the two words. I laughed for eternity. I love her.
It's nice having girlfriends. I'm really, really bad at that. But heidi and I have the same taste in many things. At lunch today we were rating boys and heidi and I would always agree on the same ones while chelsea was pretending to throw up. Chelsea is an abercrombie girl though, so what do you expect? :) Someday she'll change. Chelsea also makes fun of my music, but heidi says she likes weird music too. Except she also likes country which is crap. Oh well. So yes. The three of us are going to marry. And it's going to rock.
It's nice to have best friends again. I had one for a while once but lost it. It's wonderful having someone to belong to, even when it is two girls. I'm pleased with my luck. God listened when I asked for someone who would change my life. Yay.
Heidi looks like Jo Bradbury, my high school art teacher. She's really pretty. Chelsea looks somewhat similar to her, probably just because they both have blonde hair. But I love them. Chelsea and I stay up late every night talking and laughing. We even read scriptures together and force each other to pray. We love each other. I honestly couldn't have asked for a better roommate. Heidi is Chelsea's best friend from Sage Point, the dorm complex Chelsea moved here from. We have so much fun, I just love t. And they gave me permission to call them my new best friends. We have really only known each other for about a week and a half or 2 weeks, but I know we'll be best friends next semester. And I'm excited to live with them in a house or something. They, mostly Chelsea, say damn and hell sometimes, and usually at the perfect time. For example: we read scriptures together, like I mentioned before, at night. We switch off columns, but if the verse at the bottom of your column runs over, you have to finish the verse. Chelsea's last verse had 2 lines at the bottom of her column with 12 lines running into mine. So the sentence that carried over into my column was read with a very quiet "..damn.." in between the two words. I laughed for eternity. I love her.
It's nice having girlfriends. I'm really, really bad at that. But heidi and I have the same taste in many things. At lunch today we were rating boys and heidi and I would always agree on the same ones while chelsea was pretending to throw up. Chelsea is an abercrombie girl though, so what do you expect? :) Someday she'll change. Chelsea also makes fun of my music, but heidi says she likes weird music too. Except she also likes country which is crap. Oh well. So yes. The three of us are going to marry. And it's going to rock.
It's nice to have best friends again. I had one for a while once but lost it. It's wonderful having someone to belong to, even when it is two girls. I'm pleased with my luck. God listened when I asked for someone who would change my life. Yay.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Dove Wrapper
When Kylie gave me a Dove chocolate I opened it and gave the bad part (the dark chocolate) to Chelsea and kept the fortune on the wrapper for me. It said "Make a list of your dreams." So here goes.
Become an amazing architect like Frank Gehry or work with someone like him.
Be happy with my career, every day.
Marry a husband I love more than anyone in the world, in a temple.
Have a big family just as happy as mine.
Graduate from Princeton with a Masters in Architecture.
Design my own home.
Get accepted to the Architecure program at the U or get accepted into a program at Berkely California for Graduate school.
Live in Salt Lake City or another City in a small apartment.
Have a life filled with close relationships.
Live to be old and healthy.
Go to space.
Get a 6-pack. : )
Have enough money to send my kids where ever they want for college.
Travel the world. Guatamala, Italy, Sweden, Japan, China, Germany, France, Africa.
Believe in the LDS faith my entire life.
Keep a 3.7 for 4 years if I'm at the U that long.
That's all for now. I'm excited for life.
Love, Jessie G
Become an amazing architect like Frank Gehry or work with someone like him.
Be happy with my career, every day.
Marry a husband I love more than anyone in the world, in a temple.
Have a big family just as happy as mine.
Graduate from Princeton with a Masters in Architecture.
Design my own home.
Get accepted to the Architecure program at the U or get accepted into a program at Berkely California for Graduate school.
Live in Salt Lake City or another City in a small apartment.
Have a life filled with close relationships.
Live to be old and healthy.
Go to space.
Get a 6-pack. : )
Have enough money to send my kids where ever they want for college.
Travel the world. Guatamala, Italy, Sweden, Japan, China, Germany, France, Africa.
Believe in the LDS faith my entire life.
Keep a 3.7 for 4 years if I'm at the U that long.
That's all for now. I'm excited for life.
Love, Jessie G
Update
I miss my best friend.
I showered for so long my fingers turned to raisins!
I am afraid of the future for many reasons.
I really like my new roommate. More than I thought possible.
I'm excited for Christmas.
I like being LDS.
I almost got voted out of a club in the room next door because I say show instead of movie or film.
I'm lucky.
I'm going to be late for Calculus if I don't leave right now.
Bye.
Love,
Jessica Judy Gilmore
I showered for so long my fingers turned to raisins!
I am afraid of the future for many reasons.
I really like my new roommate. More than I thought possible.
I'm excited for Christmas.
I like being LDS.
I almost got voted out of a club in the room next door because I say show instead of movie or film.
I'm lucky.
I'm going to be late for Calculus if I don't leave right now.
Bye.
Love,
Jessica Judy Gilmore
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Lemon Cleanse Official Day One
Last night I drank a cup of laxitive herbal tea. I don't like it much, but I managed to get it all down. Then I went to bed. This morning I drank one quart of salt water. It was gross. I put about a teaspoon of uniodized salt into my water bottle and added warm water then shook it up, plugged my nose, and drank. I couldn't taste the salt, but I could sense it. Ugh. Gross. I had to do it twice to equal a quart. On my very last swallow I dry heaved (disgusting, I know) and couldn't swallow it. But then about an hour later I went number 2 for the first time in a few days. Then I drank my lemonade all day. It was hard resisting food so much, but I've put myself through a few days of gross and weird things, might as well not give up. So tonight I'll make another cup of tea and go to bed! Yay!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Lemon Cleanse Day Three
I've decided to start over. I ate lunch today. But I had already decided that I was going to start over. I'm staring over because I am supposed to have been drinking herbal tea at night before I go to bed, starting the night before I start the fast. Also, I read it's pretty good to drink a cup of warm water with uniodized salt mixed in each morning. So today I went to Smiths and bought a box of laxitive Herbal Tea and a container of salt. Tonight I'll drink my tea with my nose plugged (I don't like tea very much at all), and tomorrow morning I'll drink my saltwater with my nose plugged, then drink lemonade all day. This means Thursday will be my first day and.. Saturday the tenth day. Sunday and Monday I'll drink only Orange juice. Then Tuesday I'll drink orange juice for breakfast, fruit for lunch, and salad for dinner. After that I'm supposed to be back to normal! I'm excited. Wish me luck. Tomorrow is my Official First Day of the Lemonade Diet.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Lemon Cleanse Day Two
Today's lemon cleanse didn't go so well. I woke up feeling really light headed and shakey. I slowly got ready, lying down every few minutes or so. I mixed a drink and started to sip it, but each swallow made me gag a little. It just gave me the shivers. Then I just swallowed a few last gulps and walked out the door for class. I got down three floors taking it slow because I was still feeling pretty light headed. I got outside and knew I was going to throw up soon. I sat down on a bench right outside my building after deciding that running back up stairs to my bathroom would probably make it worse. I decided to lie on the grass for a sec, but soon after I lied down I sat up and threw up on the grass. Gross gross gross. I hate throwing up. I didn't think I'd throw anything up anyways since I hadn't had solid food since Sunday night, but I did throw up lemonade. Ugh. Then a few seconds later my friend Rob walked out of the building and made sure I was okay before heading to class. I felt better after I threw up, but thinking about the drink made me sick. So after Calculus I went to the Union and bought a couple rolls and a few saltine crackers and some apple juice. I ate very slowly and my stomach handled it fine. Then a couple hours later, right before Sign Language, I decided I was starving so I got another couple of rolls and crackers and apple juice. I felt a little weird after eating that round. So I drank regular water for a while and went to the fieldhouse with Kylie and Kristen and pumped some iron :) and they convinced me to keep going with the cleanse. When we got back I drank a whole glass without feeling too grossed out. This time I put a little less lemon and a little more syrup. I just drank another glassful and am feeling pretty good. Michelle said she felt shakey like that in the mornings too so I should have a class premade by my bed and try to just drink it down right when I wake up. And I'm going to drink until I get in bed. So yep. I'm feeling pretty good. Yes, I ate food today, but I feel okay about it. And I didn't even really crave food or junk like I usually do when I'm trying to eat healthier or what not. They say the 3rd day is hardest, but since I ate today, maybe the 4th day will be hardest. I can take it though. Oh yeah, I thought I was supposed to drink only this lemonade for 10 days then work back into solid food, but Michelle thinks maybe it's only 7 days, then apple and orange juice day 8 and 9, then small amounts of solids day 10. That would be wonderful. I'll look it up. Goodnight!
Monday, November 26, 2007
Lemon Cleanse Day One
Day One of the Lemon Cleanse went quite well I'd say. I was only sad when Kylie said "Who wants some Wheat Thins!?" and I said "Me!!" then "Oh man. Nevermind." I just keep forgetting! Oopsies. I'm mostly worried about lunch every Monday Tuesday Wednesday and Friday. I have calculus right before lunch-time and a group of us go to the Union after math and eat. It's fun. But I know that if I even go with them I'll buy something. So I'm going to have to be anti-social for the next 9 days. But I'm sad because the semester is coming to an end, and the few friends I eat with will no longer be in my classes so I want to strenghten our friendships while I still can! Predicament. I'll just have to carry my Nalgene full of lemon-syrup-cyanne pepper-water around so I'm not tempted. Too bad it looks like someone backwashed in it. Not embarrassing at all. Another con to this cleanse is that my meal plan doesn't roll over, so not eating for 10 days costs me.. let's see, for 7 days I have 19 meals, plus 3 more days of 3 meals a day, that's 28 meals at 5.50 a piece.. 154 dollars down the drain. Wowzers. Not cool. Oh well. Mommy said that's okay.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Standards Restood
Sitting with a few friends the other night, an R rated movie came up. The one friend said about the other, "But he won't come see it with me." I asked why and he said, "I have standards." Then they went on about how he's "so missionary" still but I sort of tuned out after that. I thought about how few standards the world has. Zero, really. And being able to keep any standard at all these days is really hard. As the friend later said, "Only recently have I realized the overwhlemingly pitiful feeling of compromising a standard I had previously thought to be quite black and white." I feel sad at myself for growing up so strong then deciding this standard wasn't That important. I tell myself I am not affected by anything these days, being so "exposed" to things in college, but heck, why not stay innocent? I think of how cool the people back in the day were, the ones who spoke properly and sat with great posture and drank tea and had amazing manners, and I wonder what their reaction would be to the media these days. I want to be more like them. I want to have standards, something most of the world has forgotten about. So here goes. I'm forgiving myself (something I am Not good at) for watching the few R movies I have seen, and am now moving on and will try my hardest to keep my standard as high as it was when I'd get mad at my siblings for saying "crap" or "suck" or "shut up."
Saturday, November 24, 2007
I'm a hopeless romantic.
I like to imagine that someone is as creepy as me, somewhere out there. I like to pretend that someone went home one day and pulled out the yearbook and looked through the entire grade to figure out what my name was. Then looked for me every day in the commons. Or asked someone, pointing, “Who is that girl over there?” “Oh that’s Jessie Gilmore. She’s pretty cool.” I like to pretend someone stalked my myspace and found out where I lived and walked past my door. Or would drive the long way home just to drive past my house. Or would sit outside in the shadows across the street and watch my light come on then see me close the window and pull down the blinds then twist them shut. And they’d think about the fact that I didn’t know they existed or that they had a crush on me. And they’d see me around, walking with my face in a book or talking on the phone or laughing with a friend and I wouldn’t notice them but they’d take in everything about me. I like to imagine there is someone out there as creepy as me.
It’s hard being completely in love with someone and not knowing what the future has in store. But it’s nice knowing that –as my brother put it – whoever I marry, I will love just as much if not more than anyone I’ve loved thus far. And if I don’t, I won’t marry him. Simple as that.
It’s hard being completely in love with someone and not knowing what the future has in store. But it’s nice knowing that –as my brother put it – whoever I marry, I will love just as much if not more than anyone I’ve loved thus far. And if I don’t, I won’t marry him. Simple as that.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Influences from a best friend
I have a best friend. His name is Sam. He changed my life.
1. Eye contact. I used to feel like people were able to read my mind if I kept eye contact too long, like all my deepest darkest secrets were written on the back wall of my eyeballs. But now I realize that’s not true. The truth is I can read minds when I keep eye contact. Sam taught me this. Plus I think it shows power. And sincerity. I’m pleased with my eye-contact improvement.
2. Details details details. Not yet as extreme as Sam’s note of detail, but more than my B.S. (before Sam) years. This is detail in everything. Me, my hair (mostly the way my bangs lay because he was ocd about his own bangs/hair), my face, my clothes, my posture, my eyes, boys, their hair, their posture, their shoes, their jeans, their teeth, their nose, their walk, pictures on walls (I’ve always been ocd with this, but he encouraged it), organizing stuff that doesn’t really need to be organized, the list goes on and on.
3. Language. I thought that Sam’s great grammar had rubbed off on me and was finally showing through when I moved away, but the truth is this: at home I was always in his shadow, even when I did use big ish words, he already knew what it meant and how would correct my usage, but now alone in the world I don’t have anyone to tell me I’m saying things wrong, and I don’t have many people using words that I don’t know yet. He’s way too advanced for his own good.
4. Jealousy. I used to be pretty laid back and okay with anything in by B.S. days. Sure if my crush was flirting with someone else I’d feel jealous, not to would be unnatural. But in the A.S. days have I felt physically sick due to missing/being jealous over/thinking about someone. Not telling who that someone is. :P I definitely learned that one from Sam.
5. Music. I like more music now. I appreciate more music now. And I go to concerts now. And I’m better at name that tune. And my itunes is twice as big. Sam.
6. I care about things that I should care about. Things in the newspaper. Both Sam and his parents and John and our parents get credit for this one. I just wish I had known that I cared when knowledge was more easily accessible. Plus Sam like, scoffs at me now when I ask about something that I want to know more about. He says, when did you start caring about things like this? What, am I supposed to go forever as the less educated one? I’ll be smarter than him, someday.
7. High Expectations. I’ve always been a perfectionist in certain ways, but Sam made me expect more of myself intellectually. He helped me realize I could go big for college or my future. Bigger than I might have. And I have big goals and big dreams and I know I can reach them if I try hard enough. I think Sam and his parents instilled this in me a little, through support and encouragement, where my family is too sarcastic for this type of thinking. In a way. I love the Cheney family so much. What a blessed (pronounced bless ed. 2 syllables) family.
8. Competition. I’ve always been competitive, but I had never before dated someone that was just as if not more competitive than me. I would be so angry when Sam would beat me home from school that he had to let me win if he wanted to have me talk to him during the first hour after school. So sometimes this competition is a bad thing, but more than not it is great. I’m more competitive with my opinions, which help morph them into more mature ideas. I’m more competitive with my grades- haha one of my main motivations for studying for a test is to beat the kid that got a better score on me last time. And hey, it gets me the grade. I think this competitiveness will come in handy when/if I am in the architecture program competing for one of the 45 graduating class spots.
9. Respect. He’s a people pleaser. He can win the respect of anyone by being himself. He’s courteous, polite, attentive, mature, honest, and just very classy in appearance and action. I’ve learned that when I throw this kind of etiquette into relationships with anyone, roommates, floor friends, cafeteria workers, professors, bus drivers, etc, I get much of that respect back. I’m trying to treat people like they are above me. My family is very sarcastic and funny, sometimes rude, or so it appears to outsiders, and I have become a very sarcastic and sometimes rude person, if I don’t remind myself regularly to be more polite even to good friends. Even to shuttle bus drivers I say thank you every time I get off and say hello when I get on and don’t act like I’m better than them by not acknowledging them like some of the students do. Sam always said thank you. It rubbed off on me and it’s great. What wonderful words, really. I love saying them.
To be continued. Maybe.
1. Eye contact. I used to feel like people were able to read my mind if I kept eye contact too long, like all my deepest darkest secrets were written on the back wall of my eyeballs. But now I realize that’s not true. The truth is I can read minds when I keep eye contact. Sam taught me this. Plus I think it shows power. And sincerity. I’m pleased with my eye-contact improvement.
2. Details details details. Not yet as extreme as Sam’s note of detail, but more than my B.S. (before Sam) years. This is detail in everything. Me, my hair (mostly the way my bangs lay because he was ocd about his own bangs/hair), my face, my clothes, my posture, my eyes, boys, their hair, their posture, their shoes, their jeans, their teeth, their nose, their walk, pictures on walls (I’ve always been ocd with this, but he encouraged it), organizing stuff that doesn’t really need to be organized, the list goes on and on.
3. Language. I thought that Sam’s great grammar had rubbed off on me and was finally showing through when I moved away, but the truth is this: at home I was always in his shadow, even when I did use big ish words, he already knew what it meant and how would correct my usage, but now alone in the world I don’t have anyone to tell me I’m saying things wrong, and I don’t have many people using words that I don’t know yet. He’s way too advanced for his own good.
4. Jealousy. I used to be pretty laid back and okay with anything in by B.S. days. Sure if my crush was flirting with someone else I’d feel jealous, not to would be unnatural. But in the A.S. days have I felt physically sick due to missing/being jealous over/thinking about someone. Not telling who that someone is. :P I definitely learned that one from Sam.
5. Music. I like more music now. I appreciate more music now. And I go to concerts now. And I’m better at name that tune. And my itunes is twice as big. Sam.
6. I care about things that I should care about. Things in the newspaper. Both Sam and his parents and John and our parents get credit for this one. I just wish I had known that I cared when knowledge was more easily accessible. Plus Sam like, scoffs at me now when I ask about something that I want to know more about. He says, when did you start caring about things like this? What, am I supposed to go forever as the less educated one? I’ll be smarter than him, someday.
7. High Expectations. I’ve always been a perfectionist in certain ways, but Sam made me expect more of myself intellectually. He helped me realize I could go big for college or my future. Bigger than I might have. And I have big goals and big dreams and I know I can reach them if I try hard enough. I think Sam and his parents instilled this in me a little, through support and encouragement, where my family is too sarcastic for this type of thinking. In a way. I love the Cheney family so much. What a blessed (pronounced bless ed. 2 syllables) family.
8. Competition. I’ve always been competitive, but I had never before dated someone that was just as if not more competitive than me. I would be so angry when Sam would beat me home from school that he had to let me win if he wanted to have me talk to him during the first hour after school. So sometimes this competition is a bad thing, but more than not it is great. I’m more competitive with my opinions, which help morph them into more mature ideas. I’m more competitive with my grades- haha one of my main motivations for studying for a test is to beat the kid that got a better score on me last time. And hey, it gets me the grade. I think this competitiveness will come in handy when/if I am in the architecture program competing for one of the 45 graduating class spots.
9. Respect. He’s a people pleaser. He can win the respect of anyone by being himself. He’s courteous, polite, attentive, mature, honest, and just very classy in appearance and action. I’ve learned that when I throw this kind of etiquette into relationships with anyone, roommates, floor friends, cafeteria workers, professors, bus drivers, etc, I get much of that respect back. I’m trying to treat people like they are above me. My family is very sarcastic and funny, sometimes rude, or so it appears to outsiders, and I have become a very sarcastic and sometimes rude person, if I don’t remind myself regularly to be more polite even to good friends. Even to shuttle bus drivers I say thank you every time I get off and say hello when I get on and don’t act like I’m better than them by not acknowledging them like some of the students do. Sam always said thank you. It rubbed off on me and it’s great. What wonderful words, really. I love saying them.
To be continued. Maybe.
My (accurate) Astrological Picture
Name: Jessica Gilmore
August 10 1989
5:25 PM Time Zone is MDT
Salt Lake City, UT
Rising Sign is in 27 Degrees Sagittarius
You are known for being open, frank, outgoing and honest. At times, though, you are also blunt and quite indiscreet. Others have to learn not to take everything you say personally, because you usually do not mean any harm. You appreciate living your life in a straightforward and simple manner -- you dislike social niceties and consider them to be hindrances to real communication. You have lots and lots of energy and tend to become quite restless if you feel confined. You demand the freedom to do as you choose -- you must be self- directed or you feel trapped and anxious. With your abundant energy, you enjoy being outdoors, and you should be attracted to physical exercise or to those forms of sport which can help you burn off some of that excess energy. Very gregarious, you love to socialize -- your innate enthusiasm livens up any gathering.
Sun is in 18 Degrees Leo.
More than a bit of a showoff, you love to be the center of attention! But others do not usually mind because they tend to enjoy your genuine warmth and affection. Very spirited and willful, proud and self-important at times, you demand your own way. You are quite honest, however, and the respect of others is very important to you. You never compromise yourself and you pursue your goals with persistence and dedication. Your regal presence and demeanor draws you to positions of leadership and authority. But beware of being overly hardheaded, domineering, ostentatious or patronizing or you will lose the goodwill and admiration that you enjoy. Very theatrical, you live life on a grand scale wherever and whenever possible. Your strength and energy vitalizes those who come in contact with you.
Moon is in 02 Degrees Sagittarius.
An idealist, you prefer the grand, the beautiful, the good and the noble. You get very disappointed when your high expectations in life are not met. Very curious by nature, you enjoy traveling and learning about other peoples and cultures. Try to avoid your tendency to ignore the small but important details of living. You are independent and free, and you want others to be that way, too. Optimistic, buoyant and cheerful, others like to have you around. You have an incessant desire to learn as much as possible about metaphysics, religion, philosophy and any other broad, deep subject. Your life tends to be punctuated by bursts of energy and frenetic activity.
Mercury is in 09 Degrees Virgo.
Very thorough and efficient, you pay attention to the minor but important details of any project. You are a careful thinker who can learn complicated, intricate techniques. You are attracted to practical, useful skills and are probably good at working with your hands. You are very critical of yourself and others, sometimes too much so, and you get the reputation of being a nag or of being nit-picky. Your first reaction to any situation is to try to organize, classify and analyze everything!
Venus is in 21 Degrees Virgo.
You express your love and affection through selfless service to people or causes. You have a tendency to underestimate yourself and doubt your self-worth. This is very demeaning and should be avoided -- learn to love yourself as well as you do others. Your standards of perfection are very high -- you are attracted to relationships based on duty and responsibility. You are supercritical of yourself and others and, at times, prefer to be alone rather than deal with any imperfections in yourself or in those with whom you might relate.
Mars is in 04 Degrees Virgo.
Very careful and systematic, you pay great attention to details. You are always seeking perfection and sometimes get bogged down searching for the ultimate when adequacy would have been sufficient. You dislike abstractions, preferring whatever is practical, useful and demonstrable. You have a strong and enduring sense of personal responsibility, and you demand that others be as responsible and upright as you are. Very critical of yourself and others, sometimes you carry this too far and become overly intolerant of others and their right to choose their own lifestyles.
Jupiter is in 02 Degrees Cancer.
You must be emotionally secure in order to grow and develop. You are happiest when your family and community support and nourish you and boost your morale. Whether your childhood experiences of love and emotional dependability were positive or negative will set the tone for your emotional growth and stability as an adult. When you feel at ease with yourself, you are able to offer assistance to those who need a helping hand.
Saturn is in 08 Degrees Capricorn.
Very serious-minded and mature, you have the ability to take on responsibilities and to carry out important duties. You can also be trusted to be extremely practical and thrifty. A good organizer, you are the ideal one to be counted on to take a clearly defined project through to its logical conclusion. An achiever, you pride yourself on your ability to focus your attention totally on some worthy goal and then attain it.
Uranus is in 01 Degrees Capricorn.
You, and your peer group as well, seek out practical solutions to a changing society's attitudes to customs, traditions and authority structures. Your logical and orderly manner of dealing with these matters will result in permanent and carefully planned, but sweeping, reforms.
Neptune is in 10 Degrees Capricorn.
You, and your entire generation, will idealize work, practicality and the ability to attain reasonable goals. But, because you will also stress the need to be selfless and giving, you may find it difficult to attain your goals unless you have lowered your expectations on all fronts.
Pluto is in 12 Degrees Scorpio.
For your entire generation, this is a period of intense research and discovery in areas that were heretofore considered mysterious, remote or taboo. The root causes for many complex occurrences will be unearthed due to the intensity and thoroughness of the search.
N. Node is in 25 Degrees Aquarius.
As long as someone else (or a group or organization) appeals to your intellectual sensibilities, you'll try to ally yourself with them in some way. You may find that you always seem to get involved with many wide-ranging groups -- so much so that you find it difficult to fit them all into your busy schedule. Your many friends and acquaintances provide you with needed stimulation. You're loyal and fair-minded -- you try to spend time equally with all your friends, never concentrating on just one or two for any length of time. Although probably quite conservative yourself, you're attracted to those who are a bit offbeat or eccentric -- you enjoy watching their minds work.
August 10 1989
5:25 PM Time Zone is MDT
Salt Lake City, UT
Rising Sign is in 27 Degrees Sagittarius
You are known for being open, frank, outgoing and honest. At times, though, you are also blunt and quite indiscreet. Others have to learn not to take everything you say personally, because you usually do not mean any harm. You appreciate living your life in a straightforward and simple manner -- you dislike social niceties and consider them to be hindrances to real communication. You have lots and lots of energy and tend to become quite restless if you feel confined. You demand the freedom to do as you choose -- you must be self- directed or you feel trapped and anxious. With your abundant energy, you enjoy being outdoors, and you should be attracted to physical exercise or to those forms of sport which can help you burn off some of that excess energy. Very gregarious, you love to socialize -- your innate enthusiasm livens up any gathering.
Sun is in 18 Degrees Leo.
More than a bit of a showoff, you love to be the center of attention! But others do not usually mind because they tend to enjoy your genuine warmth and affection. Very spirited and willful, proud and self-important at times, you demand your own way. You are quite honest, however, and the respect of others is very important to you. You never compromise yourself and you pursue your goals with persistence and dedication. Your regal presence and demeanor draws you to positions of leadership and authority. But beware of being overly hardheaded, domineering, ostentatious or patronizing or you will lose the goodwill and admiration that you enjoy. Very theatrical, you live life on a grand scale wherever and whenever possible. Your strength and energy vitalizes those who come in contact with you.
Moon is in 02 Degrees Sagittarius.
An idealist, you prefer the grand, the beautiful, the good and the noble. You get very disappointed when your high expectations in life are not met. Very curious by nature, you enjoy traveling and learning about other peoples and cultures. Try to avoid your tendency to ignore the small but important details of living. You are independent and free, and you want others to be that way, too. Optimistic, buoyant and cheerful, others like to have you around. You have an incessant desire to learn as much as possible about metaphysics, religion, philosophy and any other broad, deep subject. Your life tends to be punctuated by bursts of energy and frenetic activity.
Mercury is in 09 Degrees Virgo.
Very thorough and efficient, you pay attention to the minor but important details of any project. You are a careful thinker who can learn complicated, intricate techniques. You are attracted to practical, useful skills and are probably good at working with your hands. You are very critical of yourself and others, sometimes too much so, and you get the reputation of being a nag or of being nit-picky. Your first reaction to any situation is to try to organize, classify and analyze everything!
Venus is in 21 Degrees Virgo.
You express your love and affection through selfless service to people or causes. You have a tendency to underestimate yourself and doubt your self-worth. This is very demeaning and should be avoided -- learn to love yourself as well as you do others. Your standards of perfection are very high -- you are attracted to relationships based on duty and responsibility. You are supercritical of yourself and others and, at times, prefer to be alone rather than deal with any imperfections in yourself or in those with whom you might relate.
Mars is in 04 Degrees Virgo.
Very careful and systematic, you pay great attention to details. You are always seeking perfection and sometimes get bogged down searching for the ultimate when adequacy would have been sufficient. You dislike abstractions, preferring whatever is practical, useful and demonstrable. You have a strong and enduring sense of personal responsibility, and you demand that others be as responsible and upright as you are. Very critical of yourself and others, sometimes you carry this too far and become overly intolerant of others and their right to choose their own lifestyles.
Jupiter is in 02 Degrees Cancer.
You must be emotionally secure in order to grow and develop. You are happiest when your family and community support and nourish you and boost your morale. Whether your childhood experiences of love and emotional dependability were positive or negative will set the tone for your emotional growth and stability as an adult. When you feel at ease with yourself, you are able to offer assistance to those who need a helping hand.
Saturn is in 08 Degrees Capricorn.
Very serious-minded and mature, you have the ability to take on responsibilities and to carry out important duties. You can also be trusted to be extremely practical and thrifty. A good organizer, you are the ideal one to be counted on to take a clearly defined project through to its logical conclusion. An achiever, you pride yourself on your ability to focus your attention totally on some worthy goal and then attain it.
Uranus is in 01 Degrees Capricorn.
You, and your peer group as well, seek out practical solutions to a changing society's attitudes to customs, traditions and authority structures. Your logical and orderly manner of dealing with these matters will result in permanent and carefully planned, but sweeping, reforms.
Neptune is in 10 Degrees Capricorn.
You, and your entire generation, will idealize work, practicality and the ability to attain reasonable goals. But, because you will also stress the need to be selfless and giving, you may find it difficult to attain your goals unless you have lowered your expectations on all fronts.
Pluto is in 12 Degrees Scorpio.
For your entire generation, this is a period of intense research and discovery in areas that were heretofore considered mysterious, remote or taboo. The root causes for many complex occurrences will be unearthed due to the intensity and thoroughness of the search.
N. Node is in 25 Degrees Aquarius.
As long as someone else (or a group or organization) appeals to your intellectual sensibilities, you'll try to ally yourself with them in some way. You may find that you always seem to get involved with many wide-ranging groups -- so much so that you find it difficult to fit them all into your busy schedule. Your many friends and acquaintances provide you with needed stimulation. You're loyal and fair-minded -- you try to spend time equally with all your friends, never concentrating on just one or two for any length of time. Although probably quite conservative yourself, you're attracted to those who are a bit offbeat or eccentric -- you enjoy watching their minds work.
Limeade
As I poured a few tablespoons of limejuice, a couple tablespoons of Natural Organic Maple Syrup, and a pinch of cayenne pepper into a water bottle, I said to my empty room, "My family is so weird."
The moment I decide I'm done studying for a test, a million pounds lift off my shoulders as if I've just put down my pencil and turned the in actual test. It's like when I hated Saturdays because the next was Sunday and the next day was Monday, which equaled school, and I could feel school's inevitable coming the second I opened my eyes Saturday morning. But opposite.
(11.16.7)
The moment I decide I'm done studying for a test, a million pounds lift off my shoulders as if I've just put down my pencil and turned the in actual test. It's like when I hated Saturdays because the next was Sunday and the next day was Monday, which equaled school, and I could feel school's inevitable coming the second I opened my eyes Saturday morning. But opposite.
(11.16.7)
Bye bye Hye
(WARNING: THIS BLOG IS NOT SHORT, LIKE SOME PEOPLE (TYLER) LIKE)
It's my last night with my roommate, Hyesun. I'm scared. It's like moving in all over again. I was so worried about meeting my roommate when I was getting ready to come to college, and now I have to go through it once more, I think. I don't even know if I'm getting a new roommate. I could be by myself for the rest of the semester, which I wouldn't mind at all. The benefits of having the room to myself:
1. On Saturdays I can sleep for eternity without being woken by the moving about of a mate.
2. I won't have to turn down my music or put in my headphones every time my roommate walks in.
3. I can rearrange the room with the two beds are next to each other so my bed is suddenly giant! YES!!! I HADN'T EVEN THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE!!
4. I already don't talk much, and with no one here to talk to I won't feel guilty for it.
5. I take it back; I do talk a lot, but mostly to myself. Or I sing. But again, it's best to be alone for such activities.
6. I sleep talk. I know I do because I sometimes wake myself up doing it. Maybe that's why she's moving out. On the 2nd or 3rd day I asked her if I had been sleep talking but she just smiled and continued doing what she had been doing. She didn't understand English very well then.
7. There will be no secret battles over control of the thermostat. No losing battles, at that. She turns it up. She walks into the bathroom. I turn it down, slightly, so that maybe she won't notice. My temperature still goes up to 100 degrees so I leave for a bit because she likes the heat. I come back and it's off, but it smells like Christmas. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but Christmas in October was a little early. The only time I get the guts to turn it off while she's in the room is when she has fallen asleep. I'm brave then. I just want her to be comfortable, really. I don't want to be an annoying roommate that ruins her stay in the U.S. by freezing her brains out every day. Heh.
8. I can keep the light until I go to bed instead of being courteous by going by my lamp once my roomy goes to bed.
Conversation between Michelle Gilmore and me:
"Bill Clinton was at my school the other day."
"Really?"
"Yeah. But I wasn't there. Plus it was 50 bucks to get in. He was raisin' money for The Wife."
"Why, ' she have cancer or something?"
This is what BYU does to people.
Jk.
Today at the HC as I was eating a bowl of Lucky Charms and reading my book Tender Mercies, I overheard a group at the table behind me say "mission prep class" and "marriage prep class" so I listened for a minute. I like eavesdropping. I gathered from those terms that they were probably LDS. The conversation ended up being quite boring so I tuned them out again and went back to my book. (Side note: It's odd that I even heard them say those words. When I'm reading I tune out everything around me. But of course, if someone said "Jessie" or "Megan" I would hear it. (Megan is the name a boy on my floor calls me, just because he thinks I look more like a Megan.) But I had been tuning out their entire conversation until suddenly my brain registered the LDS terms. It's weird what my brain chooses to hear.) Back to the moment of tuning back into my book after hearing boring conversation: After finishing my bowl of Lucky Charms I got up to bring the bowl to the revolving rack. I looked at the table whose conversation I had heard. I wouldn't have guessed they were LDS. Not that they appeared not to be, necessarily, but I thought I was getting better at determining who was and who wasn't based off of looks, like a lot of out of statesmen can do. So now I'm curious. I want to know specific things those people look at/for to determine whether or not someone is LDS. There's that Conference Talk by President Faust in which he talks about an experience where someone said there was "a light in their eyes," referring to the LDS people that person had met. But besides that vague idea I don't know how else to tell. Not that it matters in the least sense; it's not like I talk to the Mormons and not to anyone else. I don't even talk to the Mormons. Hah. I'm just curious.
I like the line in Across The Universe "Music is the only thing that makes sense anymore."
Another eavesdropping story: As I ate a bagel and read my book at the Union yesterday, I listened to a girl at the table in front of me. She was on the phone telling a funny story: The night before, she walked into her apartment/dorm/what not and shut the door. As she turned around, her roommate or someone in the room gasped and a half a second later the girl was hit in the head and shoulder by the TV. It fell off of whatever it was sitting on and had probably been inching toward the edge every time the door shut. To make it even sadder/funnier, on top of the TV had been a multiple cactuses, and as the TV fell, they fell. These cactuses attacked the girl and she spent the next 30 minutes having cactus needles pulled out of her face, even her eyelids! by her roommates. Funny huh! And sad, of course. But she said the TV still works fine and she didn't seem to have any brain damage or anything, so I deem it mostly funny.
Seeing a happy couple makes me happy and sad. I just hate the fact that almost any given couple has probably fought or will probably fight at some point. In fact, one of them if not both will probably cry because of it. And that makes me feel really, really bad. I don't like seeing them so happy and picturing one yelling at the other, or one crying silently while the other sits and watches not knowing how to fix what has happened. I want them to be happy. Everyone in the world cries. It's terrible. I wish I could befriend every crying person and make him or her laugh just once. I hate hate hate being sad, and hate seeing other people sad. I would say I hate the very emotion, but without feeling extreme sadness, I wouldn't feel extreme happiness. So I'm grateful for it, as much as I hate it.
What a pleasant surprise! In front of my clock is an open pack of Orbit gum. When I looked at the time it read 2:35 and I thought, "bloody, I have class in 5 hours." But then I looked again and saw the tip of a 1 above the Orbit pack! It's only 12:35! Class isn't for 7 hours! Sweet mother of Abraham Lincoln, I'm going to bed.
11.13.7 (well, 11.14.7 technically)
It's my last night with my roommate, Hyesun. I'm scared. It's like moving in all over again. I was so worried about meeting my roommate when I was getting ready to come to college, and now I have to go through it once more, I think. I don't even know if I'm getting a new roommate. I could be by myself for the rest of the semester, which I wouldn't mind at all. The benefits of having the room to myself:
1. On Saturdays I can sleep for eternity without being woken by the moving about of a mate.
2. I won't have to turn down my music or put in my headphones every time my roommate walks in.
3. I can rearrange the room with the two beds are next to each other so my bed is suddenly giant! YES!!! I HADN'T EVEN THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE!!
4. I already don't talk much, and with no one here to talk to I won't feel guilty for it.
5. I take it back; I do talk a lot, but mostly to myself. Or I sing. But again, it's best to be alone for such activities.
6. I sleep talk. I know I do because I sometimes wake myself up doing it. Maybe that's why she's moving out. On the 2nd or 3rd day I asked her if I had been sleep talking but she just smiled and continued doing what she had been doing. She didn't understand English very well then.
7. There will be no secret battles over control of the thermostat. No losing battles, at that. She turns it up. She walks into the bathroom. I turn it down, slightly, so that maybe she won't notice. My temperature still goes up to 100 degrees so I leave for a bit because she likes the heat. I come back and it's off, but it smells like Christmas. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but Christmas in October was a little early. The only time I get the guts to turn it off while she's in the room is when she has fallen asleep. I'm brave then. I just want her to be comfortable, really. I don't want to be an annoying roommate that ruins her stay in the U.S. by freezing her brains out every day. Heh.
8. I can keep the light until I go to bed instead of being courteous by going by my lamp once my roomy goes to bed.
Conversation between Michelle Gilmore and me:
"Bill Clinton was at my school the other day."
"Really?"
"Yeah. But I wasn't there. Plus it was 50 bucks to get in. He was raisin' money for The Wife."
"Why, ' she have cancer or something?"
This is what BYU does to people.
Jk.
Today at the HC as I was eating a bowl of Lucky Charms and reading my book Tender Mercies, I overheard a group at the table behind me say "mission prep class" and "marriage prep class" so I listened for a minute. I like eavesdropping. I gathered from those terms that they were probably LDS. The conversation ended up being quite boring so I tuned them out again and went back to my book. (Side note: It's odd that I even heard them say those words. When I'm reading I tune out everything around me. But of course, if someone said "Jessie" or "Megan" I would hear it. (Megan is the name a boy on my floor calls me, just because he thinks I look more like a Megan.) But I had been tuning out their entire conversation until suddenly my brain registered the LDS terms. It's weird what my brain chooses to hear.) Back to the moment of tuning back into my book after hearing boring conversation: After finishing my bowl of Lucky Charms I got up to bring the bowl to the revolving rack. I looked at the table whose conversation I had heard. I wouldn't have guessed they were LDS. Not that they appeared not to be, necessarily, but I thought I was getting better at determining who was and who wasn't based off of looks, like a lot of out of statesmen can do. So now I'm curious. I want to know specific things those people look at/for to determine whether or not someone is LDS. There's that Conference Talk by President Faust in which he talks about an experience where someone said there was "a light in their eyes," referring to the LDS people that person had met. But besides that vague idea I don't know how else to tell. Not that it matters in the least sense; it's not like I talk to the Mormons and not to anyone else. I don't even talk to the Mormons. Hah. I'm just curious.
I like the line in Across The Universe "Music is the only thing that makes sense anymore."
Another eavesdropping story: As I ate a bagel and read my book at the Union yesterday, I listened to a girl at the table in front of me. She was on the phone telling a funny story: The night before, she walked into her apartment/dorm/what not and shut the door. As she turned around, her roommate or someone in the room gasped and a half a second later the girl was hit in the head and shoulder by the TV. It fell off of whatever it was sitting on and had probably been inching toward the edge every time the door shut. To make it even sadder/funnier, on top of the TV had been a multiple cactuses, and as the TV fell, they fell. These cactuses attacked the girl and she spent the next 30 minutes having cactus needles pulled out of her face, even her eyelids! by her roommates. Funny huh! And sad, of course. But she said the TV still works fine and she didn't seem to have any brain damage or anything, so I deem it mostly funny.
Seeing a happy couple makes me happy and sad. I just hate the fact that almost any given couple has probably fought or will probably fight at some point. In fact, one of them if not both will probably cry because of it. And that makes me feel really, really bad. I don't like seeing them so happy and picturing one yelling at the other, or one crying silently while the other sits and watches not knowing how to fix what has happened. I want them to be happy. Everyone in the world cries. It's terrible. I wish I could befriend every crying person and make him or her laugh just once. I hate hate hate being sad, and hate seeing other people sad. I would say I hate the very emotion, but without feeling extreme sadness, I wouldn't feel extreme happiness. So I'm grateful for it, as much as I hate it.
What a pleasant surprise! In front of my clock is an open pack of Orbit gum. When I looked at the time it read 2:35 and I thought, "bloody, I have class in 5 hours." But then I looked again and saw the tip of a 1 above the Orbit pack! It's only 12:35! Class isn't for 7 hours! Sweet mother of Abraham Lincoln, I'm going to bed.
11.13.7 (well, 11.14.7 technically)
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